So it's Valentine's Day and I'm feeling a little down... It's a pressure holiday and I hate pressure holidays (New Years, Valentine's Day). They make you feel like you have to be doing the best, most cool things in the world.

This year I actually have a Valentine and he's not here. Figures. I finally get the man of my dreams and we're seperated by a 100 miles. I guess it could be worse.

We were going to celebrate Valentine's day over the weekend but the snow storm prevented us from going out. I'm just grateful that the storm didn't start until after he got here so at least he was around. It really wasn't that bad of a weekend. We hung out at his house Saturday night with Molly and Lauren. Sunday night he stayed in town so we watched TV together.

Friday night was our talent show. I sang the song, "Breathe" by Faith Hill. I love that song because it reminds me of how I felt when Josh and I first started dating. I've never been a big country fan but I really like Faith.

Tonight I'm going to the church Valentine's Day dance with Aunt Lu. I guess she's my Valentine this year...

That's all for now. Hope everyone has a happy Valentine's Day! XOXO...

Alex and I were walking out of last period together when his cell phone rang. It was Jen and from only hearing Alex's side of the conversation I could tell that she wasn't happy. I guess I was being nosey but I followed him to his locker so I could try to figure out what was going on. He kept saying "calm down" and "are you sure?" and "don't do that - don't do anything until you know for sure."

As you can imagine, I was very curious. I waited until he hung up and then he looked at me and said, "you don't want to know." But I did want to know! The problem with Alex is that he's very good at keeping things to himself so I couldn't get anything out of him.

I finally gave up. I went to my locker, got my stuff and then headed here to the library. First thing I did was check my email. The usual stuff... Molly's having a crisis over her Valentine's Day plans with Tim, Lauren wants me to watch "American Idol" with her tonight, and Josh sent me a quick "thinking of you" email. But there was one that caught my eye. It was from Lindsay and the subject line was "my side of the story."

I just sensed that it had to do with Jen's call to Alex. I opened the email and sure enough, I was right. It turns out that the other girl in the Terry and Jennifer triangle is Lindsay! Not good.

So Lindsay says that she has never done anything to lead Terry on. She has no romantic feelings for him - never has, never will. She said that she and Terry naturally bonded at school because they both come from the same town and he's always been there for her (as a friend) when she gets sad about James. But apparently, Terry started to have feelings for her and that's why he broke things off with Jennifer. Then he made a pass at Lindsay which she refused mostly because of her friendship with Jen, but all Jen can focus on is that Lindsay is the reason she and Terry broke up.

I feel really bad for them. It's not Lindsay's fault, but I can understand Jen's hurt feelings. I just hope they can work things out. I even feel bad for Terry.

Oh well, I'm just glad the drama doesn't involve me for once!

The Super Bowl party was fun last night. Molly made this chilli cheese dip that was so good! I'm glad that she and Alex are able to be friends after all that they've been through. And Jennifer seemed to be in better spirits too. She wasn't so caught up on Terry.

Josh wants me to visit him in New York in two weeks. And he made a point of mentioning that he doesn't want me to bring anyone with me this time. I just don't know if my mother will go for it. Remember how crazy she was last summer when she thought things were getting too "intense"? I think she'll think things are "intense" if I tell her I'm going up there by myself to spend the weekend with him. I really want to go but I just don't see my mom going for it. She doesn't seem to trust me when it comes to Josh. I've been psychoanalyzing here and I think it's because she's afraid I'll latch on to a scumbag guy like she did...But Josh is NOTHING like my father.

Speaking of my parents...I'm still waiting for my mom to leave my dad - as promised. Sigh...I'm afraid she's never going to break free. I'm even more afraid that I'm never going to break free. I'm driving around in a car that he paid for and I'm going to go to college on his dime. I considered being above it all and struggling through college for the next four years but then I decided I'd rather take the money. I figure he owes me and if being a check book is the only thing he's good for then I might as well use him for his money. I know, I know...I'm rationalizing...

Anyway, I have to grab something for dinner and then get to choir practice!

The weekend has been good so far. Friday night Kelly invited us over to her parent's house. She thought sitting in the hot tub would be good for my back. She was right. It felt so good on my achy muscles.

Last night Josh and I hung out at his house. We ordered pizza and watched movies. It was nice and relaxing, and he didn't bother me about driving.

Today was another story. After church he asked me to go to the store with him. We're going to Alex's super bowl party tonight and we promised to bring snacks. So we're going from store to store and he's like "I'm tired, will you drive?" At first I was annoyed but then I realized that he was right - I was a little scared to drive again. He handed me his keys and was like, "You've got to get behind the wheel again." So I took the keys and I was fine. I guess I was just nervous after the accident. I'm glad he pushed me - even though I was kind of a baby about it the other day.

So tonight is the superbowl party at Alex's house. I was able to convince Josh to hang around until tomorrow morning. It's been a few weeks since I've seen him. I wasn't ready to let him go yet!

Josh and I had our first fight since September last night. I'm still a little annoyed about it. It all started when I told him my car needs to go in for repair because of the accident. He offered to let me use his car while mine is being repaired. I thanked him but told him that I'd just bum rides off of Molly or Alex until my car is fixed. Then he got all weird and started giving me the third degree. He kept bugging me about whether I've driven since the accident. Well, the accident was Wednesday night, my back and neck were killing me yesterday and we had this conversation last night so of course I hadn't driven! Grrr... and I still haven't driven because my car is smashed up in the back and my neck hurts so it's probably not a good idea for me to be driving. He acted like it was weird that I wasn't driving.

I'm going to see him tonight so I hope he doesn't start bugging me about it again. I'll drive when I'm ready to drive!

So the plan for the weekend was to go to the dance studio's dance party tomorrow night but that was axed when I had the accident. I don't know what we're going to do tomorrow night. Tonight Josh and I are going out with Alex, Alicia and Jennifer. Josh decided to bring Jen home with him because she's really upset about the break up with Terry. I hope we can cheer her up a bit.

That's all for now! NB

Last night as I was driving home from the dance studio I was thinking about this blog. I was thinking that my life has become boring and consequently, this blog might be boring to read.

It started out as a place to vent my frustrations of being uprooted and transplanted in Pennsylvania. That was a tough time. But then came Josh and that frustration passed.

Of course it was replaced with another frustration...loving him and not being able to admit it. Having to stay away from him because of Jennifer and then watching with a broken heart as one girl after another made her move on him. Then getting to close to his heart and having him move away to New York. Heartache after heartache. It must have made for entertaining reading, right? But that passed too.

There's no crazy crush to discuss anymore. Not that I'm complaining. I've never been so happy or felt so lucky. I love him and he loves me and there's nothing better, but I wonder if being happy makes this blog boring to read.

So I was thinking about all of this on my ride home last night...Thinking that I haven't done anything insanely stupid or idiotic lately. No incidents with Barkely, no broken bones, head injuries or ill family members. And then it hits me!

Literally, it hit me. I pulled up to a red light and the person behind me didn't stop in time and hit me. It wasn't a major accident or anything but I am majorly stiff today.

Aunt Lu made me go to the doctor this morning. They sent me for x-rays but nothing appears to be broken - just stiff muscles. They think I should be fine.

It's still traumatic though...you're just sitting a light, minding your own business and someone hits you! It wasn't even rainy or icy or anything. Scary.

I know it's been a long time. The holidays had me busy and then school and life have been hectic. My mother was visiting for a few weeks. It's nice to see her but I feel like we've been fighting a lot. She got my hopes up when she told me she was going to seperate from my father, but she never did it. I worry about her.

Things are good with Josh. He's busy at school though and hasn't been home in two weeks. He promised to be home this weekend. I really hope so because I miss him like crazy when he's not around.

Since I last posted a lot has happened. Alex and Alicia are a "thing" now. Jennifer and Terry broke up. I don't know for sure but I suspect that there's a girl at Penn State that he started to like. Jennifer's not taking it that well. Lindsay called last night complaining that Jennifer keeps asking her to keep tabs on him. Poor Jen. Poor Lindsay.

I can't believe I'm saying this but it's too warm in Pennsylvania right now. Yes, I'm really writting this...I know, it doesn't sound like me, but I want a snow day. I want a day to hang out on the couch with Molly and watch daytime TV.

I'm performing in the talent show next Friday night. I'm doing a dance number with some girls from choir and I'm also singing a song.

Well, I should run. I'm helping with a swing dance class tonight plus I have school work to do.