Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I'm back in Pennsylvania for the weekend. I got in last night. It's nice to be here with Aunt Lu. It is strange not to have the Anderson's next door. It's really weird, but I'm picking Josh up at the airport tonight so it won't be long before I see him. I haven't seen him since the funeral so I'm anxious for him to get here.

I know I haven't posted that much through this whole ordeal. Usually I have no problem sharing stuff, but I guess I've needed to process this by myself. Most people don't have to deal with the death of a parent until later in life, and since I had no support from my mom it was extra hard. Things are settling down though. It's still hard. I miss my father and think about him all the time, but I'm not as raw as I was when it happened.

I'm still figuring out what I'm doing next semester. Josh still wants me to move to Nashville, but I'm not sure. I want to be with him, but right now things are so up in the air. The times that we've seen each other over the past few months, we have definitely been couple-like - but we haven't really talked about it. Rather, we just fell back into being a couple and I just feel some need for clarification. I don't want to move to Tennessee and find out that we're not on the same page. I think we are, but I need to know for sure.

Anyway, I should get going. Molly will be stopping by soon and we're going to catch up.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Things are finally starting to settle down a little. I'm still in Florida because I have a class to finish off. I've been getting pressure to return to Pennsylvania but I want to finish the class.

I'm not sure where I go after that. Josh said he'd still like me to move to Tennessee with him. Part of me wants to but I also think maybe I should go back to New Jersey. One of the things I've learned the past few weeks is that I want to learn how to make it on my own.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I know it's been some time since I last posted. I've been busy caring for my father. We moved him to a hospice last week. It was becoming too difficult for us to care for him, even with the night nurse. He passed away last night.

My mom and Aunt Lu flew down today (I wish my mother had been here sooner!), and we started making arrangements for the funeral. Josh is flying in tomorrow night and is going to stay a few days. I'm glad he'll be here. My mom has only been here a few hours and she's already driving me nuts. I'm going to need him to help me from going off on her.

She and my grandmother have been fighting. My grandmother is mad that she didn't come while he was still alive. I don't blame my grandmother. I feel the same way. Yes, they were divorced, but she should have been here. I just don't understand her. And when she got here all she could talk about was the estate. She was even pressuring me to give her some of my inheritance. Josh thinks I should tell her to go to hell - but she's my mother. I just don't know what to do. I keep thinking I could let her have the house...after all, what am I going to do with a house in Florida? But at the same time, she has offered me no support through this whole ordeal. I always blamed my father for everything, but now I see how selfish she really is. I just don't know what to do.

I can't even believe that this is what I'm blogging about. I've lost a parent - isn't that where my focus should be? I wish the parent that I have left would let me focus on what's most important instead of aggravating me with all of her nonsense. I actually heard Aunt Lu tell her that much, but I'm not sure it makes a difference to her.

Anyway, I just heard Natalie's parents arrive so I should go downstairs and talk to them. I'll try to be better about blogging!