Well, I feel a little less stressed today. Aunt Linda and Lindsay took me out last night for a get ready for college makeover. We went shopping and got our hair done. I finished off my shopping list for school which was a huge help. Aunt Linda and Lindsay just went through this last year so they knew what I should get and do to be ready. I feel better about things now.

My mom offered to come up this weekend to help me move into my room on Saturday but I told her not to. We're moving in during the day on Saturday and then driving back to Pennsylvania for the end of the season party at the swim club and then on Sunday we're heading down to the shore for the rest of the weekend. Classes don't begin until Wednesday so we figured we have some time to have fun.

The weather has been so dreary since I got back from Florida. It's such a disappointment. I wanted to enjoy my last week at the swim club but it's cold and wet. I didn't even go to work today because they didn't need me. I hope the sun comes out before the end of the week so we can have one last day of fun.

It has hit me that I am starting college in a week. I'm totally unprepared. I've gone through the motions of getting things done but I haven't really faced reality. I'm moving to a new state AGAIN, starting all over AGAIN. I'm freaking out!

While I was in Florida Natalie and my mom just kept going on and on about starting school. I felt like my head was going to explode. Josh and I talked about it a little and he tried to give me a pep talk but what he doesn't get is that I'm tired. I'm tired of starting over, I'm tired of making a name for myself and proving myself. I know that I sound like a big baby but I'm tired of all the moving around.

I guess the one good thing is that my two best friends are going with me. I just hope that they can behave themselves and stop bickering about who is my "real" best friend. It's just adding to my stress level and in all honesty Josh is my "real" best friend, but I don't think the university will allow my boyfriend from another university to be my roommate.

Anyway, the trip to Florida was fun. My dad was out of town until Friday night so we didn't see much of him. When he got home he was exhausted and slept most of the day on Saturday. It was a little strange, he usually is constantly going. I guess the business trip wiped him out.

Josh and I spent a lot of time with Nat and we had dinners with my mom. I got to take him out and show him all of my old stomping grounds - we went over to my old high school, my mom's dance studio, my favorite restaurants. It was fun to show him a little piece of my world from my life before him. He seemed like he had a good time. It was so great to get away, but I kept getting this sinking feeling that everything is about to change, that it will never be this way again. What if starting college means losing Josh? What if it means losing every thing I've worked so hard for the past few years: my friends? my relationship with Aunt Lu? my job at the dance studio? I am so stressed!

I probably won't be posting much over the next few days. I have to work tomorrow morning and then Josh and I are flying down to Florida. I am so excited. I had no idea how much I was missing my southern home. I can't wait to see my mom and Natalie. I'm looking forward to meeting her new boyfriend too. I have a laundry list of places to go and things to do. I want to take Josh to the Sarasota Jungle Gardens and Lido Beach. Oh, and Siesta Key...the most amazing beach in the world. I grew up with it. I was spoiled and had no idea how amazing Siesta Key is until I went to some beaches up here. They just don't compare.

I'm going to miss the last night of the dance competition though and that's kind of making me sad. I really wanted to be there but we couldn't get a good flight on Thursday. Anyway, the competition was a big success for the dance studio and generated a lot of interest in dancing. Mona said that she will definitely be doing it again next summer. I also got a nice bonus check from her for helping bring business to the studio with the kids ballroom classes and the dance competition. She told me I should studio dance and business in college so that I can take over the studio some day.

That's all for now. Got a lot of packing to do!

Henry fired Nancy today. Apparently she dropped the f-bomb on one of the kids. I have no idea what prompted it but Henry doesn't put up with that kind of stuff. I can't say I'm all the disappointed that she won't be around, but it's the end of the summer anyway so I wouldn't have spent much time with her anyway.

The funniest thing is that after Henry fired her she called Josh (we were out to lunch together) and started complaining about it. She acted like Henry was unfair and she was wronged! Unbelievable. Josh told her that she shouldn't use that kind of language towards other people - especially a kid! I wish I could have seen her face. I'm glad he didn't sympathize with her.

I talked to Natalie last night and we're planning my weekend in Florida. She wants me to meet her new boyfriend. She said that we can double date. I can't wait. I'm so excited. I forgot how much I miss Florida.

Last night was relaxing. Josh and I walked into town for ice cream. It seems like life got so busy and hectic and like the summer has just gotten away from us. It was nice to step back and do something that's easy and fun. It kind of reminded me of the summer before we started dating when we'd walk in to town together. Things were complicated then, but somehow easy at the same time.

Anyway last night we talked about school. I was telling him about how Molly and Natalie both want to room with me and how I'm feeling pressured by it all. I haven't really thought about it or talked about it. I guess I was afraid that if I put it out there I'd have to deal with it, but it felt good to bounce ideas off of someone and I think I came up with a solution. I'm going to make Molly and Natalie room together and I'll room with the unknown roommate. That way no one gets me. I think it's the only fair thing to do. Josh thought it was a good idea.

When we got back to his house we got a blanket and cuddled under it on the hammock in the Anderson's back yard. I wish this summer would last longer. I want more nights like that. I want simple evenings in Josh's arms. I'm just so worried that once school starts life is going to get really complicated and I'm going to wish I had gone to Columbia or NYU to be closer to him. But there's no turning back now.

Josh and I are going to Florida next week! I'm so excited. Being there will make my mom happy and having Josh there will make me happy. :-) We were both down there at the same time two years ago but this time we'll be there together which means I can show him around and take him to some of my favorite places. And I can't wait to sit on the beach and watch the sunset over the gulf. I'm definitely taking him back to Siesta Key. We had a lot of fun there last time we went. I would like to squeeze in a day at Disney but it's a 2 hour ride each way and I doubt we'll have enough time.

Things have really started to wind down at work. Now that camp is over a lot of the kids are on vacation before school starts so it's been a little quieter. Jen and I worked in the office today with Alasdair. He and Jen have been sort of dating. The guy is completely smitten with her but I get the feeling she's not as interested. I think it's good though...I mean that she has someone in to her, because I'm afraid that if/when she finds out about Lauren and Terry it's going to be a blow to her ego and heart. :(

Natalie was giving me a hard time last night. She wants to room with me at school. The problem? Molly wants to room with me at school. We have a quad with two bedrooms. We have no idea who the fourth person is. It was driving me nuts. No matter what I decide one of them is left out.

Work was fun today. Henry made Nancy and Paula clean out the costume room. Jennifer and I hung out in the office all morning it was great. I also over heard Henry tell Paula and she wouldn't be asked back next summer. I guess she didn't do such a great job after all. But I would have gotten more satisfaction out of him telling Nancy she wouldn't be asked back. The only reason the girl is around is to try to get close to Josh. So annoying.

Things are winding down at the camp but we still have a few weeks before school starts. My mom invited me and Josh down to Florida for a long weekend. We're trying to work out our schedules and I'm pretty sure it will work out. I really hope so because I'd love to sit on the beach with him at sunset. It would be so romantic!

Josh's grandparents are in town. When I walked into the Anderson's house this morning Mrs. Anderson, Josh, and his grandparents were standing around the kitchen and his grandmother was saying, "boys his age are only thinking about sex." I just looked at Josh and he rolled his eyes. Then his grandmother turns to me and says, "Nicole, do you think Terry is too old for Lauren?"

I just looked at them and said, "You know, I think I left something at home." There was no way I wanted to be apart of that conversation.

Mrs. Anderson grabbed my arm and said, "It's okay, honey. You don't need to answer that. Mother, leave Nicole out of this."

Josh's grandmother kept it up, going on about how she thinks Terry is too old for Lauren, and that he's more experienced and Lauren is going to get hurt. Josh looked incredibly uncomfortable. I think he was afraid they would turn on us since he's two years older than me.

I think it's different though. I was a senior when we really started dating - not a junior. And Josh is two years older than me - not three. And Josh isn't the type of guy to make me feel pressured to do things I'm uncomfortable with. I'm not sure Terry is that type of guy.

I think Terry's a nice guy - don't get me wrong - but I know he's a lot more experienced that Lauren and it worries me. I know it worries Josh and Mrs. Anderson too but neither of them were really getting into it with his grandmother.

Anyway, after her diatribe about Lauren and Terry we all went to a food festival. Josh's grandfather likes to cook so we went to a cook off and then had lunch. It turned into a really nice day once all was said and done. I love Josh's grandfather. Josh always told me how cool his grandfather was but I didn't really know him until today. He's the type of guy who just says it like it is, but does it in a gentle way. I really enjoyed talking to him. He's so smart and wise. We talked a lot about Sarasota since they live down in Bradenton during the winter.

Tonight is the staff talent show. I couldn't decide on a song so Josh and I are going to sing "Cruisin'" - we thought it was appropriate since he helped me learn to drive.

Last night was kind of weird with Lauren and Terry. I know she's always thought he was cute but they just don't seem like they go together. And I just don't see him staying with her once school starts again. And they are more than 3 years apart in age. Maybe I'm just worrying. It's just that Lauren is like the sister I never had and I feel protective of her, and since she hasn't had the best luck with guys...especially the older ones. Oh well, she'll have to find out for herself I guess. And who knows? Maybe it will work out.

Mr. Anderson got voted out of the dancing competition last night. I think he's bummed about not being able to compete but a little relieved because he works so much that it's difficult to rehearse. Anyway, we all went out and celebrated a successful run after the show. Terry even came along...

Speaking of which, Lauren told her family about her relationship with Terry. I don't think Mrs. Anderson is thrilled about it. Lauren is a little young for Terry... Josh hasn't really given an opinion on it. We are going out with Lauren and Terry tonight - that should be interesting.

I feel a little weird about it. I feel like I'm betraying Jen. In fact, that's the only thing Josh has said about the situation: that he feels bad about not telling Jennifer. We both feel like she should know but Lauren and Terry want to keep things low key and private. It's just weird. I hope Lauren doesn't end up with a broken heart from all of this. And I really hope Jennifer doesn't find out and freak out.

I told Lauren she has to come clean about her relationship with Terry - at least to Josh. I just don't feel right keeping a secret like that. I told her that she has until tomorrow to tell him. She wasn't happy but I think she understands.

The staff talent show is this Friday night and I still haven't picked a song to sing. I only have three days to pull something together. I keep picking a song and then changing my mind about it. Nothing really speaks to me right now but I'm sure I'll come up with something.

Tonight Molly and I are going to dinner at the restaurant where Josh plays piano. I wanted to see him and the food there is really good - the best Italian in town. Yum!

Well, that's all for now.

I'm ready for a nap, but afraid that if I take one I won't sleep tonight. This morning it was up early and over to work to make sure that the camps were running smoothly since my boss and co-worker don't do a damn thing. Last night was a late night. Henry and I closed the club and then we went out for a bite to eat. I voiced some of my concerns about Paula and Nancy and although he didn't say much, I could tell that he agreed with me. He said he was going to talk to them about keeping up with their work.

After we finished eating Henry was walking me to my car when we bumped into Lauren and Terry - holding hands!!! It wasn't a friendly holding hands, it was a this-is-a-romantic-thing holding hands. I got the feeling that whatever is going on between them is a secret and that they weren't happy to see me or Henry.

Lauren flagged me down at work this morning. She told me that her mother wouldn't approve of her dating a guy three years older and that they didn't want to hurt Jennifer so they are keeping their relationship a secret. Oh boy...

So now I know this secret that I didn't want to know, that they didn't want me to know, and I'm stuck with it. I hate this. I feel like I'm betraying Jennifer by not telling her that the ex has moved on. And I feel like I'm betraying Josh by not telling him that his little sister is dating an older guy. I really hate this.

So my weekend of relaxation is officially over and it's back to the same old stuff. Paula doesn't know how to manage people, Nancy sits on her you-know-what all day and I end up running around taking care of all the camps. Frustrating but Henry is taking notice and that eases the blow a little.

Friday night Josh took me out to a nice restaurant by the water in Philadelphia. It was so nice to get dressed up and to walk around town and eat at a nice restaurant. I asked him what the occasion was and he said he just wanted to see me all dressed up. I guess I can handle that, I love seeing him dressed up. He is absolutely adorable when he's dressed up...well, he's adorable all of the time but something about a guy all cleaned up and looking good...

Anyway, I have to go back to work again tonight. Henry and I are closing the club. I hope I get a chance to talk to him about some of my concerns. The camp counselors and not happy.