I just got back from the dance studio. Our class ended before Thanksgiving but Mona wanted to meet with me about a new idea she had for a dance competition. This time we're doing a "Dancing With the Stars" competition with couples. Each pro will get a couple to teach and the couple will perform each week. Mona thinks this will attract more contestants. I think it's interesting but I know the pro dancers like to perform. I'm not sure if they will want to do it. She wants to start this in January. We're going back to our old format for the summer.

I'm still deciding if I want to do it again this year. I think it will feel weird to go through it again with another guy after last summer with Josh.

I'm still watching Sabrina and Mark's Cha Cha on You Tube. I just can't stop watching it. It's my favorite performance from "Dancing With The Stars." They were robbed. That Cha Cha was better than any of the dances the finalists did. And Mark dislocated his shoulder in the middle of that performance. He passed out and was rushed to the hospital afterwards. It amazes me that he was able to do that dance in that much pain. Wow.

It's been a hectic week. Natalie's car was stolen last night. She's been a wreck all day. Her mom is flying up this weekend to help her get a new car if it hasn't been recovered. This happened in Philadelphia so we're pretty sure that it won't be recovered. Lucky for Nat, her debate partner, Andy was nice enough to drive down to Philadelphia and help her fill out the report. I think it would be really nice if she gave him a chance to be more than friends (hint, hint, Nat, if you're reading this!).

In addition to the stolen car, Amanda has decided to move in with us. She hates her roommate and her ex has been seen hanging around outside of her dorm. She wants to get away from them and Natalie figured it would help with living expenses to have a fourth roommate. Amanda's going to take my room and I'm going to take the room in the basement. I'll have more privacy, it's bigger and it walks right outside at ground level so I think it will be nice. It's just going to be a pain moving all of my stuff - especially since the person mostly likely to help me is in England.

Speaking of Josh, he's back in England. I was up half the night on Monday worried about him, but he got there safe and sound. Just a little over three weeks until he's home for good. I can't wait! Josh told me that Kelly invited us to spend New Years at her aunt's cabin in the Poconos. He asked if I wanted to go. I'm kind of iffy about it but at least I know he wants to spend New Years with me. I think of all the New Years in the past where I've needlessly worried about whether or not he wants to be with me, always to find out that he does. This time there are no worries.

I just have a good feeling. Things seem more right than they ever have before. It's not that I love him more than I did before, because I've always loved him, but the way things are falling into place seems better. I don't know, I don't want to get my hopes up, but at the same time I can't deny how right everything feels. I just keep thinking about us sitting in the restaurant Saturday night smiling at each other and I know I haven't smiled like that in a really long time. We were both just so happy - just pure happiness. It's so rare. I think I'm a generally happy person, but not like that. This was intense happiness.

Okay, I'm rambling. Rambling but hopeful, and excited. Excited because in three weeks I'll get to be with the one I love...

I just got back from dropping Josh off at the airport. The ride home was hell. So much traffic and so much fog. I was afraid Josh's flight would be canceled or delayed but I just checked online and it looks like it got of the ground on time.

I'm sad that he's gone but I'm also grateful for the wonderful two days we had together. It was nice having him home. I guess I looked sad as we were saying good-bye because he said, "hey, we just got two days we didn't expect to have - that's a gift." He told me to think of this as a prelude to what's to come at Christmas time.

He's right so I'm going to focus on how much fun I had this weekend and the fact that I got to see him a whole month sooner than I expected. And besides, if this weekend sets the stage for what's to come, I think I'm going to be a very happy girl in a few weeks. He was so great this weekend - so sweet and gentle. My heart soars every time I think about it.

Now I just pray for his flight to get to England safely. I'm sure I'll be up all night tracking the plane online. I just have to know that he's there and he's safe.

The plane ride home from Florida felt agonizingly long. It was the standard direct flight from Tampa but I was so antsy that it felt like it took forever to get there. When we pulled into the gate at Newark I thought to myself: “he’s here.” And then I couldn’t stop smiling after that.

I made a quick stop in the restroom to freshen up and then I headed toward baggage claim where I knew he’d be waiting for me. I admit, I paused for a moment at the top of the escalator to calm my nerves. I was excited but also nervous that I’d mess things up. I got on the escalator and looked down but I didn’t see him and I was kind of annoyed for a minute but then I spotted him checking out the monitors that tell you which luggage carousel your bags are coming in on. I got to the bottom and he had started heading over and then our eyes met and the next thing I knew I was in his arms.

I was just so happy to see him and look into those beautiful eyes of his (and he was wearing his glasses – so cute!). He said, “I’m so glad you’re here. Being here without you has been torture!” I just laughed. He’s complaining about a few days? I told him he should try going three months.

We got my bags and then headed into Manhattan. There was a lot of traffic so it took us awhile to get to his aunt’s place but it gave us time to talk. It’s weird because we email each other every day and talk several times a week on the phone, but we still had so much to say. And even though we were catching up on things, it also felt like we haven’t missed a beat. We were just back in the groove of things immediately.

We went to a restaurant close to his aunt’s apartment for dinner. We were talking and laughing when the woman at the table next to us leaned over and told us she’d never seen two people smile so much. I was a little embarrassed but she was right, we were grinning at each other all night.

Josh told me that he was frustrated because he’s forgetting the dances from the summer and he wants to learn how to lead. We went back to his aunt’s and pushed the furniture aside so that I could give him a dance lesson. We went over the Fox Trot, Cha Cha and Rhumba. I refreshed his memory on the steps and he caught on pretty quickly. Teaching him to lead was really hard. I don’t usually have to lead and when I do, it just comes naturally. I told him that I’d get JD to help him out when he comes home in December.

Then he said, “how about a slow dance?” I agreed but told him that I got to pick the song. So I put on “Put Your Head On My Shoulder.” I had wanted to dance with him to that song since he sang it. He pulled me close and I just melted right into him. I just had this feeling that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. It almost seemed too good to be true – like I was dreaming and going to wake up at any second. I looked up at him and said, “Tell me this is real.” He looked back at me and said, “I don’t know anything more real than what I feel for you.” It was the perfect night.

This morning we got up and went to brunch and then over to Rockefeller Plaza. We saw the Christmas Tree. It won’t be lit for another week but it was cool to see it. Then we went down to Penn Station to meet Keith who was coming in from Baltimore. We had lunch with him and then we drove back to New Jersey to pick up my car and then headed to Pennsylvania to have dinner with his family.

It was fun. We were asked to dance in the Holiday Recital since we won the contest this summer, but with him being away it’s too hard to learn a dance so we’re going to sing instead. Mr. Anderson helped us pick out a song and we practiced it a little.

Now we’re back at the townhouse in New Jersey – actually, Josh is over at Jason’s right now. He meets with the principle of the school he’ll be student teaching at tomorrow and then I’m taking him back to the airport. I’m already starting to feel sad about him leaving. I know that these last few weeks will probably go by fast because I’ll be busy studying for finals, finishing papers, and doing holiday stuff – but I still wish he could stay. And this weekend has been so perfect – especially last night. He was just so sweet in every way possible. He held my hands and touched my face when he kissed me and said all the right things. I should go enjoy this last night with him here.

I just got home from marathon shopping. I'm exhausted. My mom dragged me out of bed at 4:00 a.m. so that we could get an early start. We shopped for almost 10 hours. I didn't buy much because I don't feel like dragging it back home on the plane with me but my mom was crazy. She may have single handedly revived the American economy. I've never seen anything like it. She gives new meaning to the term "unbridled consumption." I'm kind of worried because I don't know how she can afford to go crazy like that. Now that she and my father are separated she doesn't have access to all of his money. Who is going to pay these bills? Plus, she's planning to move to Pennsylvania in a few months! She has no place to live there. She has no job there. I'm just frustrated by her lack of planning or consideration for the future.

I'm actually glad that I'm spending the evening with my father. He has been surprisingly amazing this trip. He hasn't had one drop of alcohol the whole time I've been here. He's charming and funny and smart. I wish he were always like this. I think I'd really like him if I could just trust him. The problem is that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I keep expecting to walk in on him sitting in his chair drinking scotch from the bottle and slobbering all over the place.

I talked to Josh this morning. He's really jet-lagged. He said that he wants to be on Eastern time because he wants to do things with his family and friends, but he knows he's going back to England in three days and doesn't want to have to readjust to their time. I teased him that he was like Elise (my roommate last spring who refused to live on Eastern Time the whole semester.) He insisted it wasn't that bad. I told him that I'd be the judge of that. He laughed and said, "I'm sure you will."

He's going to a party at Ron's house tonight (one of the doo-wop guys). I told him that he better make sure to get enough sleep because I want him to be awake tomorrow when I get home. He said, "I'm pretty sure the jolt of electricity I get from kissing you will keep me from falling asleep." So cute! He assured me that he won't fall asleep on me.

Well, I am going to head over to Natalie's. We're going to Siesta Key to lie on the beach for a few hours before dinner.

Today was a good day. Josh called when his plane landed in Newark. It's so nice to know we're on the same continent. Just a few more days...

I took a walk out on the docks by the bay after dinner and called him to talk. We had the best conversation. It just makes me want to get home to him as quickly as possible. He was asking me how the weather is. I told him it was warm and clear out, that the stars were shining and that I wished he were here with me. He said he wished he were here too. He said, "we could play on the beach all day and kiss under the stars all night." Then he told me that if he were here he'd look into my eyes and tell me how incredible I am. Then he'd brush the hair from my face (I love it when he does that!) and then he'd move closer and softly press his lips against mine. I swear I had goosebumps as he was talking.

Now it's all I can think about. I can't wait to get home and have a real kiss. A real kiss after months of phone calls and emails. I just can't wait to see him in the flesh. It makes me wonder why I ever tried to resist him this summer. All that wasted time. What was I thinking?

I’m in a really good mood today. It’s rainy and dreary out and I’m about to escape to Florida. Warmth and sunshine. Of course and I’d be warm and sunny if I were going to see Josh tomorrow, but I’m trying to make the best of things.

I’m just killing time in the computer lab until we have to leave for the airport. Nat and I had planned to go to our Bio Lab this afternoon and then realized we would never get to the airport on time so we’re skipping class today. I’m hoping that it doesn’t kill our grade. I’m hoping that there isn’t much going on today since it’s the last day before vacation.

I got an email from Josh this morning. He wrote, “Is it Saturday yet? I can’t wait to see you.” I hope he’s going as crazy with anticipation as I am. It’s only fair. :)

Well, it’s off to the airport… Tampa International, here I come!

I spent the afternoon packing for Florida. Natalie and I are heading to the airport straight from our bio lab tomorrow. The weather over the next few days seems pretty crappy so I am looking forward to some Florida sunshine. I still think it will be rough on me being down there with Josh up here. I think the next few days will be harder than any other day since he left. I just want Saturday to come.

I've planned out my time in Florida to both maximize my time with both parents (harder now that they are separated) and keep my mind off of wanting to be in Pennsylvania. My dad is picking me up at the airport tomorrow and I'm going out to dinner with him and my grandparents. Wednesday is brunch with my mother. The rest of the day I'm spending with my father. Thanksgiving will be split - day with dad, night with mom. Friday is shopping with mom and then dinner that night with my dad. Saturday I'm getting my hair done and then flying home. Busy, busy! I'm hoping to sneak in a trip to Siesta Key with Nat on Wednesday. Knowing my father, he's bound to have some work-related emergency that he'll have to take care of. I hope this satisfies them because I will be in Pennsylvania for Christmas - nothing is going to change that!

I can't wait to get this week started. I want to get to next Saturday as quickly as possible. I am so wound up right now. I just want to get to Florida so that I can get back and see Josh waiting for me at the airport. I think the hardest part will be knowing that he's home and I'm stuck down there. I'm afraid I'm going to go out of my mind wishing I were in Pennsylvania.

I just can't wait. I've gotten over being freaked out and now I'm just going crazy with anticipation. I'm sure I seem a broken record, but I've been missing him so much and waiting for him to get home for what feels like forever. I am just so happy that he will be here in a few days.

I keep thinking about how things were in August. I'm not going to pretend it was perfect, but when it was good, it was really good. I was so spellbound when I was in his presence. And then before things could really get started, he had to leave. I just want him back here so we can pick things up where we left off...

Six days to go. How am I ever going to get through this week?

I'm feeling calmer today. I think it's because I have a fun weekend planned. Lindsay has off all next week (lucky!) so she's driving here from State College to spend the weekend. Jennifer is coming down from New York, and Lauren is coming over too so we're all having a girl's weekend. Molly and I just got back from the grocery store. We loaded up on junk food for the weekend and Natalie picked up a bunch of chick flicks - including one of my favorites, "Never Been Kissed."

This weekend will hopefully keep me from going crazy with anticipation. I can't wait until Josh is home. Even just knowing that he'll be in the States will make me feel better. I will just feel more at ease knowing that he's home. I talked to him this morning and he said that he's happy to be coming home but also stressed because he'll be missing a lot of classes since there is no Thanksgiving break in England.

We made our plans for next weekend. He's going to pick me up in Newark on Saturday and then we're going to go into Manhattan Saturday night. We're going to stay at his aunt's place and then hang out in the city on Sunday. Keith will be returning that day so we're going to meet up with him for lunch. I would prefer to have Josh all to myself but I understand that he wants to see his friend. I guess I can share for a little while...

I talked to Alex this morning. He was getting ready to fly to Hawaii for the week to spend the holiday with his parents. He complains about going there which I think is nuts. I wish my parents would move to Hawaii. How great would that be? He had made a compromise with them to go home for Thanksgiving because he wants to spend Christmas in Pennsylvania. He said he's not into the whole "Mele Kalikimaka" thing. (You have no idea how long it took me to figure out how to spell that!) He said he wants the kind of Christmas that he's used to. Lauren is very happy about this because it looks as though the Andersons will be taking Alex in for the holiday.

Well, I've got to get going. I have to pick Jen up at the train station.

I am truly in panic mode. I don’t know why I’m so nervous about Josh coming home. Natalie told me I’m acting like a nut. Molly said, “Josh has been in love with you for years. Chill out.” And Amanda is being the good friend listening to me freak out, but mostly because I listened to her last week and helped her through the ex-boyfriend drama. Maybe I am being crazy, but isn’t it normal to be a little crazy when the one thing you really want is so close and you don’t want to do anything to mess it up?

Molly keeps reminding me that I have done a lot of stupid things (gotta love it when your friends remind you of all the stupid things you’ve done) and that Josh doesn’t seem to care. She even said she thinks he likes it and sees it as part of my charm. Hmm…that could be pushing it a little bit. I would say that he’s more amused by the stupid things I do than actually liking that I do stupid things. The worst of it is that in other parts of my life I don’t act idiotic, but my foolish tendencies come out in spades whenever Josh is around.

I just have to be positive. I have to expect the best and have faith that it will be a good weekend. Amanda and I went to the mall this afternoon after class. I bought a new green sweater to wear the day that he picks me up at the airport. The color makes my eyes pop. And I’m going to go with my mom to get my hair cut at our favorite salon in Florida so I should look pretty good when I see him.

I’m so nervous but I also can’t wait! Only 9 days now!

I'm having a nervous break down. Josh will be on his way home a week from now. Actually he'll be home a week from now. And just a few days later we will be reunited for the first time since August. It's the moment I have been waiting for for weeks. Weeks and weeks of pining finally coming to a pause - a reprieve from the longing. So why am I freaking out?

Well, what if it doesn't go well? What if I say something stupid or do something ridiculous to mess things up? I don't have the best track record in the world. For instance, this summer and the pool incident. Horrific. Or our first date where my drink got spiked, I got drunk and told him he was the sexiest guy on earth. Humiliating. And then there's my personal favorite: the time I spent $200 for a date with him. I have no shame.

So you can see why I'd be nervous. I'm bound to so something stupid. I want this to be perfect. I want him to come home in December and want to be with me. I want him to want this as badly as I do. Now I just have to find a way to play it cool so that I don't come off like a complete lunatic!

I'm back from my weekend getaway. Natalie's father said "no" to her use of the plane - and frankly I don't blame him. It's his company plane and it's probably not okay for his daughter to be flying around on it. We ended up going out to State College to visit Lindsay. We crashed on her floor. We had a good time but it was cold out there and a little snowy. It was fun though. We went to the Penn State Creamery and had the most delicious ice cream on the planet! Yum. It was nice seeing her and good to get away.

Amanda has been having problems with her ex-boyfriend. I don't want to say too much about it because this is, afterall, the internet and anyone could be reading. She just needed to get away from it all. It was a rough week last week.

On a happier note... Less than two weeks until I see my honey! I'm so excited. I can't believe that he will actually be here and I'll be here - at the same time! These past few months have felt so long and drawn out, and now it's so close until he gets home. I can't wait. I can't wait to see his face and hold him close. I honestly don't know how people maintain long distance relationships for a long time because I'd go nuts if there were no end in sight. Phone calls and email are okay, but there is something to be said for true physical contact. 13 days!

It's been a busy week. I've pretty much spent all of my time with Amanda. I'll explain later. There's just been a lot of drama and I've been trying to help her through it. It's been so bad that Natalie called her father to see if we could get out of town this weekend on his company plane. Amanda just really needs to get away.

Some good news though...my father called and we worked out a Thanksgiving compromise. I'm going to get there on Tuesday instead of Wednesday and come home on Saturday instead of Sunday. So one extra day with Josh! :)

Well, that's all for now. I will write more when I have more time!

Jen and I chatted on the phone last night about DWTS. She agrees with me that the Cheetah Girl was cheated! So not right... She said she's watching it with a completely different perspective this time around after our experiences with the dance competition last summer. She thinks she peaked too soon. I think she may be right. If you peak too soon there can be backlash or you can loose momentum. Jen and JD were awesome, but I'm glad Josh and I beat them! :)

We were talking about how obvious it seems that Sabrina and Mark are very close. I asked Jen if it was obvious that Josh and I were close. She told me that people speculated and were always asking if we were a couple. I think it's funny but at the same time I guess people like the idea of seeing a real romance unfold. Looking back on it, I think Angelo was right when he told me to keep the dances romantic. He knew that people like to believe in love. I shouldn't have been so dismissive. I guess I wanted to win based on our talent and not on our hype.

I talked to Josh a little while ago and told him that I was upset that he wasn't more disappointed that I'm going to Florida. He told me he was disappointed but he didn't want to fuel my fire by getting me more worked up over it. He said that he doesn't want me to fight with my parents. So the plan is that he will pick me up at the airport the Sunday after Thanksgiving and we will have that evening and Monday evening together. I guess it's better than nothing. I wish I had more time but at least I don't have to wait until Christmas to see him.