Rehearsals have been hectic and I'm exhausted. I'm anxious to for Josh to get back. He was going to be home this weekend but now it's going to be at least another week before he comes home.

I'm a little worried. Eric has been so sweet and kind of touchy and now it's making me wonder if there is something there. I need Josh here to ground me. And ironically our Jive is to "Jimmy Mac." It's a song about girl missing her boyfriend who's away and there's another guy hanging around who is sweet and tempting. There's this one line that keeps ringing true for me: "This loneliness that I have within keeps reaching out to be his friend." Argggg...this really is the last thing I need.

I am not going to pick Eric over Josh, but I don't even like having a mild attraction to anyone else. Josh is the man for me - and I am a one man woman. I just want him home so that I can look into those blue eyes of his and feel his arms wrapped around me.

I keep thinking about last summer and how amazing it was to fall in love with him all over again. This summer has been so boring and dull. Maybe I'm looking for excitement. I don't know...but whatever it is, it has to end. I am not going to allow myself to become interested in Eric. I don't even like that I've written about this. :(

Things have been weird this week. Jason told Josh that he thinks Eric and I have something going on! Josh called me up and asked me if he should be worried. I told him that he has absolutely NOTHING to be worried about. Then he just dropped it. Part of me was relieved and part of me was like, "that's it?" It almost seemed like he didn't even care!

So then I spent Friday and Saturday wondering if there was a reason he didn't care. Back when I danced with Jordan, Josh hated it. But now he's suddenly cool with me dancing with Eric? Especially when his best friend warns him that I could be interested in Eric? It was weird. I called him up Saturday night and kind of freaked out over the phone. He told me that he was more worried than he let on, but he didn't want to repeat past mistakes (like the ones he made when I was dancing with Jordan). So I was feeling better about things but now it's Monday and I haven't heard from Josh since Saturday.

I hate this long distance thing. It's messing us up. I didn't have time to talk to him for a few days last week and now he doesn't have time to talk to me. It makes me wonder if he's doing it on purpose to get me back or if he's truly busy.

Meanwhile, Eric does seem like he'd like to be a little more than friends, if you know what I mean. He's extra sweet and very touchy-feel-y. I don't know if I'm imagining it because of what Jason and Molly said or if there's really something there. It's so confusing. I want this to be about dancing. That's all. Dancing. Why does everything have to be so hard and so complicated?

Week one of the dance competition is over and we're still in the game. Last night went well. We were at the top of the leader board for the men, but in second overall. The number one spot went to Natalie!!!! (Way to go, Nat!!!!)

Next is the Jive. I haven't gotten my song yet (big "grrrr...."!) because too many people were requesting the same three songs, but I'm hoping to get my top pick: "Jump, Jive and Wail." I'll find out tonight.

This is my only day "off." I'm trying to relax as much as possible because I know I've got another big week of rehearsals ahead of me. I'm going to go over to the swim club later and sit by the pool.

That's all for now!

I'm exhausted. Eric and I rehearsed all day. I'm lucky he's a school teacher and has off during the day or this would be difficult. I feel bad for some of the couples were the contestant has to work a regular 40 hour week and then rehearse on top of that. It must be so exhausting.

Tomorrow we put the finishing touches on the dance. Up until today we spent most of our time working on the steps. Today we worked on technique and tomorrow we'll work on that some more.

I took Eric out for ice cream last night after rehearsals because it was so hot and he had worked so hard. Molly freaked out at me about it. She says that I'm getting too close to him. I was shocked. Eric's a great guy, but he is in no way, shape or form Josh Anderson. I can't even believe Molly would think that me dumping Josh is even a possibility. Sure it's lonely here without him, but it's only a few more weeks. I don't feel anything for Eric that is even close to what I feel for Josh. It's just ridiculous.

Well, I am meeting up with Lauren in a few minutes to go over to the swim club. I need a nice, cool swim after a long, hot day!

The Waltz is going well so far. For the first four weeks of the competition the men are competing against the men and the women are competing against the women. Each week two couples will go home: a male contestant and a female contestant. It's a little unnerving because it means more people go home each week, but I'm feeling confident. Eric is picking up the dance really well. I just don't want to get over confident - men tend to pick up the ballroom dances better than the Latin.

Eric and I seem to make a good pair. He is an athlete so he's used to training and doesn't mind when I push him to do better. He has amazing muscle memory and complete control over his body from years of training as a gymnast. And the competitive drive helps too!

We are going to rehearse this afternoon and then we're going to have dinner with Nat and JD. I thought it would be good for Eric to spend some time with other people in the competition.

Jennifer is coming back next week to sing at our first performance. We're trying to get as may people from last year to come back so that people have a reason to show up for the show. It helps to bring them in with someone they are invested in. Mona and I are bummed that Josh isn't around, but he'll be back soon enough and then we'll get him up on stage to attract all of his "groupies" from last year.

Well, gotta run. It's almost rehearsal time!

I'm back from vacation and into dance competition mode. Our first dance is the Waltz and we're dancing to "Sam." My suspicions about Eric were right - his gymnastics background has given him the tools he needs to become a great dancer. I'm really excited. I could have a repeat win!

The vacation was okay. I was missing Josh the whole time. They had live music and dancing at night (ballroom dancing!!!) but I had no one to dance with. My father was tired the whole time. My grandmother was worried about him. Molly was out scoping out guys. It looks like she and Tim are officially over. She realized that they had no future with him living in Australia and her in the US.

I was missing Josh so bad. My father offered to fly me back to Tennessee with my grandparents, but I had to be home for dance rehearsals. So much to do, but it's good - it keeps me distracted.

I just got back from lunch with Henry. His job is going well but he also misses the swim club. It just doesn't feel like summer without the smell or chlorine and the sound of kids screaming. I think I'm going to drag Josh over there on Friday for the annual Fourth of July party.

My meeting with Eric went well. I couldn't see what kind of dance moves he has, but I did see what kind of gymnastics moves he has - and the boy has moves! I am definitely going to incorporate that into our routines. I'm so excited. I just have a good feeling about Eric. How cool would it be if I won two years in a row? :)