So I saw Josh last night. We only got to spend 45 minutes together. He had flown into Newark and was stopping to see me on his way to his parents' house. His mom made him a special dinner so he didn't have much time to spend with me.

It was kind of weird. I was happy to see him, but it was just weird seeing him and not knowing everything that's going on in his life. He looked a little different too. His hair is longer. He looks more L.A. Still, I have to admit that my heart turned over the minute I saw him. Maybe I will always have that response to him. He is my first love after all. It's just undeniable that being around him does something to me.

It sounds like he's enjoying his work out in L.A. It also sounds like work is all that he does. He said he's been trying to get out to the beach since he moved there and hasn't been there once. I didn't come out and ask him, but it also sounds like he's way too busy to date. And I know it's none of my business, but I was happy about that. I don't want to be sitting here getting over him while he's out there dating someone new. I know that someday it will happen, but I just can't deal with that emotionally yet.

It turns out I'm going to see him again tonight. He'll be at the rehearsal dinner since he's singing at the wedding. I wasn't supposed to go, but Mona offered me an invite at the last minute. I think she's playing cupid, but it won't work. I am not living under any delusions about my relationship with Josh. It is over. Neither one of us wants a relationship with 3000 miles between us.

I've been meaning to post all week, and yet the week got away from me faster than I imagined. I talked to Josh the other night. He called to tell me that he's going to be at Mona and Angelo's wedding. In fact, I'm meeting up with him tonight at Starbucks for a quick get together.

I keep trying to remind myself that it's just a quick meeting. This isn't some big reunion, and there is no chance of us being together again. Natalie thinks I'm setting myself up for heartbreak. She thinks that seeing him will set me back, but I'd see him at the wedding anyway so I think it would be better to get the initial meeting out of the way. I just hope that Nat isn't right. I want to see Josh, but I know my heart and I know that I get weak around him. I have to be smart about this.

I'm going down to the shore tomorrow with Molly, Nat and Amanda for a girl's weekend. I'm so excited. The weather on Saturday is supposed to be glorious!

Molly and I are still debating the location for our spring getaway. We haven't been able to come up with a location yet. Molly wanted to go to Texas, but I want to go somewhere beachy. I want to plop down on the sand and veg out for a week. She wants an adventure, so we're trying to come to a compromise...a place that's exciting and beachy. Besides, my idea of an adventure isn't being kidnapped and dragged over the boarder (does that really happen?).

So I have a bit of a problem. I've started Facebook stalking Josh. I'm constantly checking out his profile to see what his status is. He is hardly ever on there so I don't know what I expect to see, but I can't help it. I guess I'm just looking for anything that would clue me in to whether or not he's dating again. Most of the time his status says, "Josh is in the studio" or "Josh is at work" or "Josh is going to sleep - finally." So it sounds like he is so busy working that he hardly has time for sleep, which probably means he has no time for dating. It's becoming so bad that I might have to delete him from my friends, but then he'll figure it out and wonder what's up. Maybe I should just delete myself from Facebook all together until I get a grip. Seriously, I so need to get a life!

This semester has been so crazy. I'm so glad it's winding down. I've been playing catch up with everything after being in Florida all fall. I'm really looking forward to summer and just having some fun. Molly and I decided last night that we want to take a trip as soon as school finishes. We haven't decided on a location just yet but we're doing some investigating. I think it will be good to get away and have some fun!

I am also looking forward to the dance competition this summer. I've been taking another Quick Step class with JD and it's giving me lots of ideas. A lot of it might be too difficult for the beginner dancer, but doing new things is helping me look at old things in a new light...if that makes any sense!

A guy in one of my classes asked me out. I turned him down. I'm just not ready to date yet, and I don't want another rebound guy like Jeremy! Still, it was nice to be wanted.

I'm flying down to Nashville tonight and staying for Easter weekend. My grandparents wanted to see me. I can't wait to see them. Of course, my grandfather will probably sit in his chair and watch TV all weekend and my grandmother will tell me the same old stories over and over again. But I'm happy that I get to spend time with them. Even if they are a little set in their ways.

Well, I have to run to the library and then off to another class. That's all for now.