So I saw Josh last night. We only got to spend 45 minutes together. He had flown into Newark and was stopping to see me on his way to his parents' house. His mom made him a special dinner so he didn't have much time to spend with me.

It was kind of weird. I was happy to see him, but it was just weird seeing him and not knowing everything that's going on in his life. He looked a little different too. His hair is longer. He looks more L.A. Still, I have to admit that my heart turned over the minute I saw him. Maybe I will always have that response to him. He is my first love after all. It's just undeniable that being around him does something to me.

It sounds like he's enjoying his work out in L.A. It also sounds like work is all that he does. He said he's been trying to get out to the beach since he moved there and hasn't been there once. I didn't come out and ask him, but it also sounds like he's way too busy to date. And I know it's none of my business, but I was happy about that. I don't want to be sitting here getting over him while he's out there dating someone new. I know that someday it will happen, but I just can't deal with that emotionally yet.

It turns out I'm going to see him again tonight. He'll be at the rehearsal dinner since he's singing at the wedding. I wasn't supposed to go, but Mona offered me an invite at the last minute. I think she's playing cupid, but it won't work. I am not living under any delusions about my relationship with Josh. It is over. Neither one of us wants a relationship with 3000 miles between us.