Thank God Molly gets use of the car again tomorrow. Walking to school in the rain is not fun. This is motivating me to get my driver's permit. Aunt Lu and I cleared our schedules to go next Wednesday.

I was able to talk Molly into being my partner for our junior project. We're meeting with our advisor next Monday to iron out the details.

Alex is coming over tonight to talk to me about his talent show act. I'm still surprised that he wants to dance, but I'm going to work with him if that's what he wants to do.

There's a freshman girl, Alicia, that has a huge crush on Alex. It's so cute. She looks at him like a love sick puppy (which Alex reminded me is the way I look at Josh...grrr...). Anyway, today Alex and I were walking through the halls and we saw her by her locker looking at him. So Alex walked over to her and shook her hand and said, "Hi, I'm Alex." And she said (nervously), "I'm Alicia." He smiled at her and said, "Nice to meet you. Maybe I'll see you around." I could practically see her heart soaring. She was just melting, and it made me proud to be Alex's friend. He totally made her day.

I kind of wish Molly had seen it, but at the same time I think it would've been wasted on her. Molly is just so obsessed with Greg, the football player, that she doesn't see this great guy who is right in front of her.

Maybe I shouldn't talk. When I first moved here Aunt Lu kept telling me about the great boy-next-door who was cute, talented, smart and sweet. I just rolled my eyes and ignored her. Now I think he's the most adorable thing I've ever laid my eyes on. I just wish I could lay eyes on him more often. I haven't seen him at all this week.

I really need to come up with some sort of plan to bump into him somewhere. I just don't know how to do it without being too obvious. I know he studies at the library a few nights a week, so maybe I'll try that. Once I get the driver's permit I'll be able to use driving lessons as an excuse to see him on a more regular basis.

Aunt Lu said yes! I'm going camping! Yippie! And Josh emailed me back and said he would invite Lindsay and Jennifer - not that it matters since Aunt Lu said yes, but it will be fun having them there. I can't wait!

I'm at the library working on a paper for my Brit. Lit. class and I'm ready to pull my hair out! It needs to be five pages and I'm finished with four. Now I have to go back and come up with another page of material! Grrr...it should be quality not quantity that counts. The paper isn't due until Friday so I still have a little time to get it done.

Another pulling hair out moment this morning...Lauren and I were walking to school together and I told her that I was going to Florida for Thanksgiving. She told me that her grandparents were spending their first winter in Bradenton (which is right above Sarasota) and that her family was thinking of going down to visit at Thanksgiving. At this point I was about to jump for joy because I thought I could meet up with her and Josh. But then she told me that Josh probably wasn't going to go because he can't miss school. :(

Grr... can you believe that? I'm going to be stuck in Florida for Thanksgiving, Josh's family is going to be in Florida but he's not going to be there! Oh well... I told Lauren that we could try to meet some place in between one day while we're down there so that she's not bored. She seemed happy about that.

I still haven't mustered up the strength to ask Aunt Lu about the camping trip. I want to go so badly and I'm scared that she'll say no. I was thinking about asking Josh to invite Lindsay. I think Aunt Lu will be more likely to go for it if Lindsay is going. Hmm...maybe I'll shoot him an email.

I talked to my advisor for my senior project and she thinks I should find a partner because it's a big project for one person to do alone. Since Molly keeps changing her mind about what she's going to do, I think I'll try to get her on board.

So I guess the seniors are starting to think about the homecoming court because I heard that Lindsay might be nominated. I think it's great but Lindsay is freaking out. She spent most of the summer sitting on the couch and eating her sorrows away. She gained a little weight in the process, but she's acting like she's huge. She wants to go on a diet. I think she should just start taking a daily walk or something. She's already lost a few of the pounds just from starting school again. I'm sure they will come off if she stays away from vegging out on the couch constantly. I'm just worried about her. Since James died it has been one thing after another. I know it won't happen over night, but I want Lindsay back to normal. I want her to get better.

Okay, I'm starting to ramble. I should email Josh and then get back to my paper.

Signing off.

NB

I got an email last night from Josh. He was talking to some of his New York friends about camping and they want to go, so he's planning a camping trip for the end of the month. He invited me and a bunch of his friends to go along. I want to go so badly, but I'm not sure if Aunt Lu will go for it.

Alex is doing the fall talent show, which I expected because he's a great singer. What suprised me is that he wants to dance! Alex - not such a great dancer. He knows that I taught Henry to dance and that my mom is a dance instructor so he's twisted my arm into doing the choreography for him. I love that kind of stuff but I'm afraid I'm going to get really frustrated because he doesn't normally dance.

Anyway, the whole dancing thing got me thinking about my senior project. I was thinking about directing a musical, like Smokey Joe's Cafe, where it's all singing and dancing. I could probably cast the whole thing just with my friends, but maybe I'll hold auditions and then we'll perform in the spring. I was thinking that since Molly changed her mind about her project, I could kind of take half of her idea (she already said it was cool). I'm thinking of making my own musical, one that reflects the history of American Music. I have to see if I can get permission to do it, but I think it would be lots of fun!

Well, time to sign off so that I can eat lunch before my whole lunch period is over!

Today was my first rehearsal for Women's Ensemble. I'm loving it. :)

The weekend was fun. Friday night was the football game. Lindsay, Jennifer and I went. I bumped into Josh and Jason at the snack bar and convinced them to sit with us. I don't know what it is about Josh, but when we're together it always feels like no one else is around. The two of us start talking and the rest of the world disappears. I always feel like I'm walking on clouds after spending time with him. It makes me feel special when I know there were so many people at the football game who would have loved to talk to him, but he spent most of the night sitting with me (until Jason made him get up and walk around to talk to people).

After the game we met up with Alex at Perkins. He had just gotten off of work and seemed like a grump. I know he's upset that Molly is chasing around her stupid football player.

Josh, Jason, Lauren and a few of her friends showed up so we all got a big table together. Josh told me that I had to set a date to go get my driver's permit. I've been so busy with school that I haven't really studied. He said the only thing that will really motivate me is to set a date to take the test.

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting on the back porch doing my Algebra2/Trig homework and Josh walked over. He made me get the driver's manual and sat with me for 45 minutes drilling traffic laws into my head. He's a pretty good teacher so I asked him if he could help me with math. He just laughed and said he barely got through it himself. Oh well, at least I'm making some progress in the driving department.

Aunt Lu has been bugging me about getting the permit too. She wants me to get in enough practice before the snow comes so that we can take a break during the winter if the weather gets too bad.

Well, I should get to my homework since we have concert choir rehearsals tonight. I'm going to be here (school) until 9:00.

I was chosen for Women's Ensemble! Yippie! Preparing for the audition payed off. Molly got in also. I knew she would. Our choir teacher loves her.

I'm at work right now. You're probably thinking, "why is she blogging at work?" Well, Mrs. Anderson said it's a slow day and I should just hang out and answer the phone if someone calls.

Josh stopped by a little while ago to see his mom! It's the first time he's stopped by and I wasn't expecting it but I was happy to see him. I haven't seen him at all this week.

I asked him if he was going to go to the football game tonight. He told me that Jason was coming home from Princeton and that they might stop by. I hope they do! Keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm going with Lindsay and Jennifer. Lindsay is starting to perk up but she's still a killjoy sometimes. Unfortunately, Molly is grounded for keeping the car out too late last weekend so she can't go. :(

I am crushing on Josh so badly. I had an amazing weekend. Saturday night we were at Friendly's and he told me he'd help me with my choir auditions. (Which are tonight, BTW).

Yesterday I went over to his house and we worked on my song. Then his mom came in and asked him to go get pumpkins. He was grumbling about it and she asked me if I would mind helping him. Of course I said yes.

We went to one of the local farms. It was so much fun. Florida pretty much stays the same all year long so I've never had autumn before and it was so much fun doing "autumny" things. I think Josh was getting a kick out of how much fun I was having. They had scarecrows all over the place and I was getting really excited about how cute they were. We had candied apples and we bought pumpkins. Josh suggested we go on a haunted hayride in the next few weeks. I can't wait. :)

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Last night was awesome. Molly and I met up with Terry and his friends - Josh was one of his friends! We hung out at Terry's house. His parents have a finished basement with a big screen TV. It was fun.

Tonight I was going to just hang out at home but Lauren called and said that she and Josh were going to get ice cream so I'm going to go out with them. This weekend is turning out better than I imagined. I have to go. We're leaving at 8:30.

bI thought with Josh still living here I'd see him all the time, but I haven't seen him since Saturday. :( He did send me an email about studying the driver's manual but that's it. Grrr...! I have to come up with some excuse to see him.

This week has been pretty boring. Molly's going after her football star and Alex is depressed that Molly has no interest in him. Lindsay has been a grouch and Jennifer has been, well, Jennifer.

My new job is going well though. I like Mrs. Anderson a lot and I like the other two women that work in her office. I'm just hoping that Josh will stop by one of these days.

No big plans for the weekend. I did run into Terry at the library last night and he asked me if I wanted to meet up with him and some of his friends tomorrow night. He's supposed to email me, so I might do that.

Hope things get a little more exciting...but not like last week - I don't ever want to deal with a skunk again!

I started my new job today. I'm working for Mrs. Anderson. So far so good.

Nothing much has happened since the skunk incident. Although Josh has now nicknamed me "Stinky." Just what I want him to call me...he couldn't call me "Sweetheart," "Woman of my Dreams" or "The Most Beautiful Woman to Grace My Presence?" Sigh. I wonder if that will ever happen.

Things at school are pretty uneventful. Molly has gotten Greg's (the football player) attention. He hasn't asked her out yet but I think he will. Poor Alex. He's so bummed about the whole thing. :(

Well, I want to finish up my homework so I can get in some TV time. Till tomorrow...

A few months ago I felt like I was part of a WB drama - now I feel like a character in a sitcom. You'll never believe the night I had.

Molly was supposed to pick me up around 7:00 to go to the football game but I couldn't get Barkely to do his business and I didn't want to leave him in the house to leave "presents" all around so I told her I'd meet her there.

I was upstairs getting ready when I heard Barkely yelp and then go nuts barking. He was barking, growling, the whole nine yards, and I'm thinking - because I'm home alone and my imagination is taking over - that a burglar is trying to get in (like anyone would break in at 7:00 in the evening).

So I went to the back of the house and peeked out the window and then it hits me - like a ton of bricks - the smell of a skunk. Yuck.

I ran downstairs and out back and started calling for Barkely to come but he wasn't hearing it. He was pissed off about getting sprayed and he had the skunk backed into a corner up against the shed. But then he grabbed the skunk in his mouth and started running towards me. I screamed and moved out of the way and he ran into the house - about as far as his chain would go into the house.

I guess Josh heard me from next door because he ran over to see what the commotion was. Hearing Josh's voice got Barkely distracted and he dropped the skunk. Josh grabbed Barkely's chain and pulled him back outside but now I had a skunk running around Aunt Lu's house!

I didn't really need to explain to Josh what was going on. He ran around to the front of the house and opened the front door. The skunk was going crazy running around the house and I was screaming for it to get out, Barkely was still barking like crazy. I don't know how - probably some divine intervention but the skunk ran out the front door.

Josh decided the best thing to do would be to give Barkely a tomato juice bath. We made sure Barkely's chain was secure and then we hopped in Josh's car and drove over to ACME. We got a shopping cart and filled it with tomato juice. People in the store were looking at us weird and it occurred to me that we probably smelt like skunk too. I whispered to Josh, "I think we stink," and for some reason we thought it was hysterical and couldn't stop laughing. The woman at the checkout counter gave us a weird look and Josh and I still couldn't stop laughing.

We got back to the house and the smell was so bad. It was unbearable so Josh suggested we take Barkely to his house for the bath. I got the dog and Josh got the juice and we went to his bathroom, closed the door and went to work.

Josh had to pick Barkely up and put him in the tub. The dog does not like baths. We plugged up the tub and started pouring the tomato juice on his hair. I was trying to rub it in but he kept doing the "doggie shake" and tomato juice was flying everywhere...the sink, the mirror, the toilet, the walls, and all over Josh and me.

This struck us as funny and we were laughing so hard that we were crying. I've heard the term "roll on the floor laughing" but I've never experienced it until last night. Seeing Josh and I laughing so hard got Barkely even more excited and he jumped out of the tub, dripping everywhere and started licking our faces.

They say timing is everything...this is the moment, of course, that the Anderson's got home from their evening out. They must have heard us because they ran upstairs, opened the bathroom door and found Josh and I sitting there, covered with tomato juice and a dripping wet dog who ran over to Mr. Anderson and jumped up on him.

Mrs. Anderson looked like she was going to have a heart attack. Thank goodness she's a quick thinker. She had us rinse Barkely off with water while she make a formula for getting rid of skunk odor. She put it in a spray bottle, sprayed him down and then we rinsed him off again.

The next step was getting everything else cleaned off. She told Josh to take a shower, and she walked me over to Aunt Lu's. We went inside and found that the house smelt so bad. We opened all the windows and then she told me to get some clothes so that I could sleep at their house.

We went back to their house and I took a shower. She made both Josh and I use the skunk odor remover spray too. I then had to call Aunt Lu and explain the mess to her.

At that point the football game was over and I realized I had ruined Josh's Friday night. He said it was cool, and that he had actually had a good time.

Josh offered me his bed so I slept in his room and he slept downstairs in the basement. Barkely slept out on their back porch.

It was so weird being in Josh's bed. Sleeping where he sleeps, cuddled up in his blankets...if only he had been cuddled up there with me...

This morning when we got up we were eating breakfast and Lauren came in and said she could smell skunk. Mrs. Anderson sent Josh and I back upstairs to scrub the bathroom and then take showers again.

After that we went out to search for a skunk odor neutralizer for Aunt Lu's house.

I'm finally at the library now. I can't believe how crazy the past two days have been. Tonight should be quiet though. Molly and I are taking Lauren to see Princess Diaries 2. Josh is going to Princeton to visit Kelly and Jason (his friends who go to school there - he was supposed to go last night...oops.)

Ugh...I have to do a Junior Project. I don't know how I never heard of this before. I haven't even thought of what I'd do. Lindsay did a photo journalistic look at the history of the school. Jennifer directed a play with the kids at the elementary school. Josh coached a special olympics basketball team for his junior project and taught kids how to play the piano for his senior project. These are all great ideas but I can't come up with anything for myself.

Molly is planning to do a look at American music over the 20th Century, and Alex is going to record a CD with original songs. How can I ever come up with anything that great? Grrr... At least I have some time to think about it.

Tonight I'm going to the football game with Molly. She wants to check out her new crush on the football team. We asked Josh to go but he's planning on going to Princeton. :(

The rest of the weekend will be just me and Barkely (Lindsay's dog). I'm watching him until everyone gets back Sunday night.

Molly drove Lauren and I to school today. It was cute. Lauren was so excited to be seen with two juniors! :)

Things aren't looking good for poor Alex. Molly has her sights set on a senior football player. Once Molly gets something into her head she doesn't let it go. I don't think Alex is going to stand much of a chance with her.

This weekend should be interesting. I'm home alone. Aunt Linda's mother died so she and Uncle Bill took Brett up state to make arrangements. Lindsay is staying with Aunt Lu and I until the weekend and then Aunt Lu is going to take her up state too. Aunt Lu was going to see if I could stay with Molly's family but Lindsay's dog will have no place to go so I told them he could stay with me.

I've never been home alone before but I'm not too worried about it. I have plans for the weekend so it won't be like I'm home too much. Friday night it's the football game and then Saturday I'm going to be at the library getting some books that I'll need for the British Lit class. I'm hoping to have plans for Saturday night too but as of now I'm still free. If not, I'll always have Barkely (the dog) to keep me company.

Today we got our music for choir class. It's weird to be singing Christmas music in September, but we're practicing for the holiday concert. There are auditions for the select groups next week. I'm debating whether or not I should audition. I'd love to be part of the groups but I always second guess my talents. I know I'm a good singer but I'm not as good as Jennifer, Alex or Josh. I'm going to have to think about it.

Speaking of Josh...I haven't seen him since Tuesday. :( He took me to get the driver's manual so I can start studying for my permit. I got an email from him today that said, "I hope you're studying." At least he's thinking about me...

That's all, folks!

Today was the first day of school. Junior year is going to be great - I can feel it - so much better than last year.

For starters, I don't have gym first period. I have it last - yippie! That means I won't be gross and sweaty all day.

I have British Lit with Molly. Alex, Lindsay and I have study hall together on the days that I don't have gym class. Jennifer's in my choir class but she's a soprano and I'm an alto so I don't sit with her.

Lunch is great too - I'm sitting with Molly, Alex and a few of Molly's friends. Jennifer and Lindsay are in a different lunch period so I don't have to feel bad about not sitting with them.

I saw Lauren today and asked her how she was adjusting to high school. She seemed pretty calm and collected. She said she's excited about the football game Friday night. I think I'm going to go too.

Well, that's all for now. I have to do homework - yep, first night, can you believe it? Grrr....!

Sorry it's been a few days since I last posted. The past few days have been really busy.

On Saturday night I went with Aunt Lu, my mother and father to a restaurant to meet up with Lindsay's family to celebrate my birthday. I was kind of frustrated because Josh's car was still missing from his driveway and I was mad that I had missed seeing him.

When we got there I was kind of lost in my own little world so I wasn't paying attention to little details. I just followed the hostess to the back room and I didn't even think it was weird that they were taking us into a private room, but when we got there I heard a bunch of people scream "surprise." I looked around the room and saw Molly, Alex, Lindsay, Jennifer, Henry, Terry, Lauren, Uncle Bill, Aunt Linda and little Brett.

I was shocked as everyone ran over to hug me and wish me a happy birthday. The best surprise came about five minutes later when Josh and his mom walked in. Aunt Lu had asked Mrs. Anderson to help contact my friends about the party so she came to celebrate too. She apologized and told me that her car had broken down and Josh had to go pick her up - that's why they were late. I didn't care! I was just happy to see Josh. He gave me a big hug and I didn't want to let him go.

Before I even had a chance to talk to him, Aunt Lu was making us all sit down so that the restaurant could serve us dinner. I ended up sitting at the opposite end of the table from him. It was killing me. My father was trying to talk to me and I couldn't concentrate. I wanted to be where Josh was. I kept catching his eye though, and it reminded me of what Kristen had said... "He's always looking at you." I wonder if there's anything to that.

After dinner we went outside where they had a band and a dance floor. There were also tables outside. It was for all the customer's, not just us, so the music was geered more towards older people.

Terry asked me to dance, and told me that the party is why he acted so weird earlier in the day. He said he didn't want to tell me Josh was in town because he thought it might tip me off to the surprise.

After I danced with Terry, I danced with Henry. He wanted to show off the steps that I had taught him earlier in the summer. It was cute.

After that dance I wanted to finally talk to Josh. He was sitting with Molly and Alex so I walked over to talk to him. Molly *suddenly* felt like dancing so she grabbed Alex's hand so that I could have a moment with Josh. Alex didn't seem too upset about being dragged around by Molly.

I asked Josh how things were going in New York. He told me that he couldn't find a place that he could afford, so he's going to commute from PA until the spring semester and hopefully he'll get university housing then. I tried not to show how happy I was that he's going to be around!

I asked him if a dance would cheer him up and he smiled and said yes. We walked out to the dance floor and danced to "I Only Have Eyes For You." It felt so good being in his arms. I can't explain it. Something just happens to me when I'm that close to him. I feel safe.

When the song was over he didn't let go and kept dancing with me through the next song. I forget what it was but I know I've heard Christina Aguilera sing it.

Anyway, after the song was over we went inside because Aunt Lu wanted me to have my birthday cake. I can't tell you what I wished when I blew out the candles but it looks promising.

I sat down with Josh to eat my cake and he asked me when I was getting my driver's license. I told him that Aunt Lu doesn't want to teach me and that it might be a while. He offered to teach me - much to his mother and Aunt Lu's dismay! They weren't happy about it at first but after we talked it over and Uncle Bill offered to assist in my learning they agreed to it.

We finished up the evening on the dance floor. Henry and I did the Fox Trot. I didn't know it but my mom had taught him a few more moves throughout the night that he wanted to put to use. :)

I also danced with Alex, Terry, my dad and even Molly. Josh and I danced again but to a faster song. It was an amazing night.

On Sunday I had to work but it was fun. Josh was there. They begged him to work since he was home and they were desperate for help. It turned out to be a cold, cloudy day though so the place was empty. He and Terry sat in the snack bar most of the day playing cards.

I also had some time to catch up with Josh. He told me about how crazy it was up in New York. The secret service were checking everyone within a 30 block radius of Madison Square Garden. He said there were so many people that it made apartment hunting difficult.

I told him about Florida, Disney World and the cruise. It felt so good to talk to him.

Yesterday I went to a family BBQ at Uncle Bill and Aunt Linda's house. Lindsay actually seemed happy yesterday. I think school starting up again will help. She'll have things to do instead of sitting on the couch watching TV and eating.

Today is my last day of freedom but I'm spending it well. Josh is taking me to the DMV to pick up the driver's manual so that I can start studying for my permit! Yippie. :)

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to!

Actually, I'm not ready to cry yet but I am completely frustrated. I got to work this morning and Terry greeted me by asking if I had any big plans for my birthday. I started to tell him about my dinner plans when Kristen (the little girl from day camp) ran over to me and gave me a hug. She told me that she had been away this week and had missed me since camp ended. It was really cute but then she said, "I saw your boyfriend a little while ago." Now, I know that she thinks Josh is my boyfriend, but I couldn't understand why she thought she saw him. So I told her that she must have been mistaken.

Kristen insisted that she saw Josh, and that he had stopped by the swim club with Lauren, so I looked at Terry who had this weird look on his face. It was obvious that he didn't want to tell me something, so of course I pressed the issue. Terry tried to act casual about it and was like, "yeah, he dropped by."

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

That's what I wanted to scream. Josh, the only person on this planet that I've been dying to see, dropped by when I wasn't there! I started asking Terry questions and he told me that he didn't even talk to Josh.

Then Kristen said, "I knew you liked him! He likes you too." I asked her how she knew that and she replied, "He's always looking at you." ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

After that I went to the snack bar and sulked because Josh had been there and I missed him.

It's not fair. He's in town and I haven't seen him. :( I guess that shows where I am on his list of priorities. He doesn't care enough to call or stop by - and I live right next door! Grrrr....

I guess I'm just fooling myself. I should've known that I didn't mean much to him. After all, we just met a few months ago. I'm sure spending time with his family and old friends is a lot more important than giving the girl next door a call.

What a birthday this has turned out to be.

Hmm...just got home from work and Josh's car wasn't outside of his house! I know I'm a weirdo but I wonder where it is! Did his parents take it out? Or did Josh come home to get it? Is he home?

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

I need to stop obsessing over this guy! I need to get a life.

Terry was making fun of me this afternoon. We were talking about what a crazy summer it's been and I mentioned Josh and he started laughing. I asked him what was so funny and he told me that I get this funny look on my face whenever I say "Josh." GREAT. Just what I need. I obviously wear my heart on my sleeve.

I told him that I need to get a life and he invited me to hang out with him and his friends tonight. I would have liked to but my parents are going to be here soon. I told him I'll take a rain check.

I have to get ready for my parents. I'm also going to go outside and see if that car is back yet. I'm a woman on a mission. If Josh Anderson is home I'm going to see him!

I closed at the swim club last night. Terry and Jill were with me. I used to think closing was a drag but it's actually kind of fun. The night I closed with Josh was the best though...what is wrong with me? Why can't I get this guy out of my head? It's like I have a one track mind - a Josh track mind.

That's it. I'm not mentioning him again in this post. Josh-talk stops here.

My mom called this morning and said that she and my father are going to fly up for the weekend. They got on a last minute flight and are going to be here this afternoon. They wanted to get away from the hurricane in Florida and since it is a three day weekend and my birthday is tomorrow it made perfect sense. I only wish my mom had left my father behind.

If my mother was coming alone I think I would be able to talk her into a day trip to Manhattan, but my father won't go for it so I'm not even going to bother. He hates cities.

I'm wondering when Molly will be back from her vacation. Her family owns a house in New Jersey at one of the beaches so I'm thinking they'll probably stay down there through the weekend. I wish she would get home though. I need a distraction.

Okay, let me think of what else I can tell you since I can't talk about how much I miss you-know-who...

Well, Lindsay's spirits have improved a lot since Jennifer got back from California. She's still depressed about James but Jennifer has really helped to brighten her up. I'm so grateful for that. I think Lindsay's therapist has helped a great deal as well.

Jennifer got a commercial while she was in LA but no other jobs. She really wants to focus on theater though and is trying to line up some theater auditions in New York. She's also auditioning for some local stuff in New Hope, King of Prussia and Philadelphia. Her guy from LA sounds really cool, but she's bummed because she knows she probably won't see him again unless she moves to California.

Alex has emailed me and called me a million times since this other night ...okay, maybe not a million, but close to it. He wants to make sure I won't tell Molly about his crush on her. I keep reassuring him but he's still worried. I think he should ask her out but he doesn't want to. He says that Molly hardly gives him the time of day.

Aunt Lu is becoming all political all of a sudden. I hear her and Aunt Linda argue about stuff from time to time but I think the convention got her going. We have a sign up in our front yard for Bush now. My father is a big Kerry supporter so I know there will be fireworks when he gets here tonight. I still don't know exactly where I stand, but if the Bush sign ticks off my father than it's made my day! :) (I can't help it, my dad drives me nuts!)

I did watch some of the convention last night with Aunt Lu when I got home from work - mostly because she made me, okay, totally because she made me... It was interesting though. I've never paid much attention before. I still have two years before I can vote so I have time to sort everything out. My mom is pretty middle of the road so maybe I can get her to help me figure it all out.

I talked to Natalie yesterday. I used to have a huge crush on this guy, Tim, from Florida. He asked her out and she wanted to make sure it was okay with me before she started to date him. I told her it was fine. I'm completely over him. I haven't thought about him in months, and I don't think he was ever interested in me anyway.

Well, I did it! I talked about a lot of stuff without mentioning, well, you know...

I need to run. I have to work this afternoon. Last weekend at the swim club. I better enjoy it.

It's been a busy day. Aunt Lu got me up early and we went shopping for some back to school things. I hate to admit it but her music is starting to grow on me a little. She had some song on about how the singer feels like a fool to have fallen in love and how love is not for her. I guess that's how I'm feeling right now. The next song was something like, "everytime we say good-bye I die a little." I can't believe how much I relate to these old songs. Who would've thunk it?

After my morning with Aunt Lu, I went to lunch with Jennifer and Lindsay. Jen had a great summer in LA and met a guy there that she's crazy about - good for me since she won't be thinking about Josh anymore. Lindsay also seemed happier with Jennifer around so I guess it's good that Jen is back.

Not too much else going on. Just the usual...me wishing with all my heart that Josh was still here. I guess that just shows how selfish I am. Shouldn't I want him to be in New York if that's where he wants to be? I'm so torn. I want him to be up there and happy because that's what he wants, and yet, so much of me wants him here so that I can see him. Will I ever get over this guy?

Holy Cow! Alex took me out for ice cream tonight and he told me something I wasn't expecting - he has a huge thing for Molly and he's felt like this for months! How did I miss it?!? I want to ask Molly if she feels the same but I was sworn to secrecy! Grrrr... I can't believe it. They would make such a cute couple.

Alex also told me that Josh has known about his crush since last May but hasn't told anyone.

That's all for now. More tomorrow...

Nic.

I just got home from work. It's boring without Josh and Molly. Even Henry's gone. He started college again, and even though his school is close by, he's finished up for the summer. Terry came in and visited me a for a little while this afternoon. He could tell I was in a grumpy mood and was trying to cheer me up.

Aunt Lu told me to pick a restaurant for my birthday Saturday night. She said she's going to take me out and all I have to do it pick the place. Frankly, I don't care. I'm not in the mood to celebrate. Maybe I'll cheer up by then.

I hate that I miss Josh so much. I hate that I can't let him go. I hate looking out my bedroom window and seeing his window so dark.

I'm so used to looking for his car whenever I get home to see if he's at home. Now I see his car but he's not there. It's just parked there in the driveway waiting for him to return from NY.

Last night I was outside looking up at the stars and wondering where he was and what he was doing and who he was with. I couldn't stop wishing that he would come back home so that we could have a chance. I've never wished so hard for anything in my life. My heart just longs for him so much.

I can't describe how I feel when he's around. There's just so much there. When we're together I feel more alive than I've ever felt in my life. We connect in a way that I've never experienced before... I want him home so bad. I want that connection. I want that chance for something more.