I just got home from work. It's boring without Josh and Molly. Even Henry's gone. He started college again, and even though his school is close by, he's finished up for the summer. Terry came in and visited me a for a little while this afternoon. He could tell I was in a grumpy mood and was trying to cheer me up.

Aunt Lu told me to pick a restaurant for my birthday Saturday night. She said she's going to take me out and all I have to do it pick the place. Frankly, I don't care. I'm not in the mood to celebrate. Maybe I'll cheer up by then.

I hate that I miss Josh so much. I hate that I can't let him go. I hate looking out my bedroom window and seeing his window so dark.

I'm so used to looking for his car whenever I get home to see if he's at home. Now I see his car but he's not there. It's just parked there in the driveway waiting for him to return from NY.

Last night I was outside looking up at the stars and wondering where he was and what he was doing and who he was with. I couldn't stop wishing that he would come back home so that we could have a chance. I've never wished so hard for anything in my life. My heart just longs for him so much.

I can't describe how I feel when he's around. There's just so much there. When we're together I feel more alive than I've ever felt in my life. We connect in a way that I've never experienced before... I want him home so bad. I want that connection. I want that chance for something more.