Natalie gets here this afternoon. Aunt Linda, Lindsay and I are going to the airport to pick her up in an hour! I can't wait.

The past few days have been good, but busy. I worked all afternoon and evening on Wednesday. It kept storming and then getting sunny and then storming again so there weren't too many people at the swim club and camp doesn't start until next week.

I was standing out on the deck by the snack club talking to Molly when Josh walked up behind me and turned me around. I looked up in the sky and saw a double rainbow! It was so beautiful and I've never seen anything like it before! I thanked him for making me see it. Then he asked if I wanted to get ice cream on Thursday night after work. Of course I said yes! :)

So last night Josh picked me up at the dance studio where I was working. Before going for ice cream he took me to a look out point where you can see everything! It was awesome, and no, it wasn't like Blueberry Hill or some makeout point. We got up there and he started pointing things out to me...the swim club, school, our neighborhood. We got to talking and he told me that he knew I had won the bear! He said he was sorry that I didn't keep it. I felt bad about it but he just laughed it off.

He kissed me while we were up there and I felt like a character in a romance novel. It was so perfect... the moon and the stars were out and he smelt so good. It was perfect. I wanted so badly to tell him how crazy I am about him, but I kept reminding myself to play it cool. I kept thinking about the Rules and how Molly would handle the situation.

He told me that his grandparents are coming up from Florida next week and invited me to have dinner with them and his family. He said he wasn't trying to rush things but he'd like it if I joined them. Like I was going to say no to that! I actually have hope that he likes me as much as I like him now that he wants me to have dinner with his family.

After that we went for ice cream. Things just seem so good, but I have to keep my cool. Having Natalie in town should help because it will keep me too busy to go throw myself at Josh.

Well, I better run. Gotta get ready to head over to the airport.

Last night was my second first date with Josh and it was a million times better than the first first date with Josh. I didn't end up in the emergency room, and I didn't embarrass myself. That alone could have made it a great night, but it was so much more than that. It was perfect. I keep living it over and over in my mind because I don't want to forget this feeling. I want to remember how perfect it was and how amazing I feel for the rest of my life.

We left Pennsylvania around 1:00 and got to Lindsay's beach house a little before 3:00. The place they rented was really nice, and we had fun there but I was kind if itching to leave. I wanted to be alone with Josh. We hung out with Lindsay, Jennifer and Terry until 5:00 and then headed out.

Josh took me to a seafood restaurant in Point Pleasant that overlooks the water. It was perfect, and even though I was nervous about the night going well, things felt comfortable and easy. My food was delicious, and the restaurant reminded me of some of my favorite places in Florida.

After dinner we hit the boardwalk. We played ski ball - my favorite game! Then we walked along the boardwalk and Josh decided to try to win me a stuffed bear. He was trying so hard but he just couldn't seem to win the darn thing. I didn't really care, but I think his ego was slightly bruised because he wouldn't give up on the bear. He actually had to leave to go to the ATM because he was running out of money. While he was gone I decided to give the game a try. I won on the first try. Then I felt bad about winning the bear for myself so I gave it to some little kid before he got back!

When he got back I pulled him away from the game so he would just forget about it. He didn't argue with me so I took it as a good sign. We were standing on the boardwalk looking out at the water and I was telling him about Florida. He asked me if I missed it, and I explained that I'm so much happier in PA. It's amazing, the anger at my parents for leaving me with Aunt Lu, and the loneliness I felt when I got here were so worth it, because my life is so much better. He looked really happy to hear my say that.

His cell phone rang then, and he said he normally wouldn't get it but it was his sister. She told him to turn around so we did and she and her friend came walking over towards us. They were spending a few days down at the shore with her friend's father, but they wanted to go home and proceeded to convince Josh for a ride home. It didn't bother me, but Josh really didn't want to give them a ride. But we did.

We left the beach then and headed for home with Lauren and Christine in the back seat. We stopped for ice cream along the way. I could tell Josh was annoyed with Lauren but he did a pretty good job of controlling it.

When we got home, he sent them into the house and walked me to the door. I thanked him for a great day and he said, "The pleasure was all mine." He gave me one of those heart pounding, heart soaring kisses and then said good night.

It was perfect! Absolutely perfect.

Lindsay's party was so much fun yesterday! I was dancing with Brett (my five year old cousin, not Lauren's ex) when Josh arrived. He asked Brett if he could cut in and pulled me into his arms and told me I looked fantastic. It got the party started off right for me. ;) I think I was grinning from ear to ear the rest of the day.

The party also gave me an opportunity to talk to Aunt Lu's sister and I got to meet some other distant relatives that I didn't know. It was cool. Aunt Lu's sister told me all about my grandmother and grandfather. My mom and Uncle Bill don't talk about them much so it was neat to learn about them.

Uncle Bill set up a volleyball net so all of the younger people played a game.

At the end of the day Josh gave me a big hug and kissed my cheek before he left. I know I must have looked like a love sick fool because I closed my eyes when he kissed my cheek and sort of leaned into it. I can't help it. I just love being close to him.

Last night Molly came over after having dinner with her father for Father's Day. She helped me pick out an outfit for today. It's my big date with Josh! I still can't believe it's real, that it's happening. We're leaving here at 1:00 and going to the beach house that Lindsay, Jennifer and Terry with some of his friends for senior week. We're going to stay there until dinner time and then head over to the boardwalk for our date. We're going to have dinner and then hang out on the boardwalk for a while. I should probably start getting ready. I want everything to be perfect today.

The past few days have been full of parties and surprises!

My mom flew in on Friday as a surprise. The airfare was good so she came up for Lindsay's graduation. My schedule was pretty hectic but I got to go out with her yesterday for some summer shopping.

Friday night was Terry's party. Molly and Alex got into an argument there which kind of spoiled things for me. They left and I was kind of on my own until Josh showed up. He had plans with Jason so he didn't even stay that long.

Last night was Jennifer's party. I had to help set up for the Saturday night dance party at the dance studio before heading over so I was late. Josh got there about a half hour after I did. He said things had been rough at the swim club that day and he looked pretty tired. Poor guy...

The party was small but I think it made it more fun. We played games...Taboo and Outburst. Then Molly got it into her head that she wanted to play Spin the Bottle. I really didn't want to kiss anyone there but Josh, and I certainly didn't want to watch him kiss anyone else so I decided not to play. Instead, Josh and I played croquet in the backyard while they played spin the bottle. I'm just really glad he followed me out of the room. I would have been bummed if he had played with them.

We had a lot of fun with croquet. I was horrible at it but Josh was really good. Figures... Besides ice skating I haven't been able to find one thing that boy isn't good at. He is so adorable though, it makes my heart soar every time I think of him. He was helping to position me so that I could hit the ball right and I got goosebumps every time he touched me. If he noticed, he didn't say anything but I was still kind of embarrassed.

After spin the bottle was over they went back to playing normal games so Josh and I rejoined the group. We sat down on the couch next to each other and he put his arm around me! I felt like the luckiest girl in the room.

Lindsay's party is about to start in an hour. Jen, Tom, Alex, Molly and Josh are coming over. The party is at our house - part of the reason my mom came up. She wanted to help Aunt Lu get things together. I probably should log off and go help out. Lots more to come...and my date with Josh tomorrow! Yippie!

Commencement was last night. Lindsay and Jennifer are not high school graduates. I'm surprised at how much I'm going to miss them next year. Jennifer will be working at the swim club doing the drama camp that I did last year so I'll see her every day. Lindsay is going to be taking summer classes at the local Penn State campus so that she can get ahead. She's also working at an ice cream shop in town. Alex will be going away again this summer. This year he's going to Europe for the month of July. Molly is trying to pretend that she's okay about it, but I can tell she's sad that he'll be gone.

Today I'm working at the swim club for a few hours. Henry wants me to give Jennifer an orientation so that she'll be ready for the campers when they come next week. I'm going to help Jennifer learn the ropes and help her and Lauren pick a play. It would have been a huge help if someone had done that for me last year.

I'm looking forward to my job this year. Originally I was supposed to do the drama camp, but Jennifer needed a job and Henry needed an assistant so I secured the assistant position and then helped Jen get a job. She's kind of nervous since she's never worked outside of a theater or soundstage, but she wanted to stay close to home this summer because of Terry.

My job is going to be great. As Henry's assistant, I get to be the Assistant Activities Coordinator. I'll help him oversee the camp and the swim club activities. I may act as a substitute camp counselor when people are out sick or on vacation. I may also fill in at the snack bar from time to time. The only thing I'm not thrilled about is that Henry wants me to get my lifeguard certification. He knows I'm a good swimmer and that I've had CPR training so he thinks I could be a substitute lifeguard too. Actually, I think it was Jill's idea since she's the head lifeguard.

After work today, I'm going to Terry's graduation party. He goes to a different school than we do so we didn't get to see him graduate, but we will get to help him celebrate. We had a few invitations but Molly thought we should go to Terry's. It didn't take much to convince me when she reminded me that Josh will probably show up for a little while at Terry's house since they're friends. I hope she's right! :)

Well, romance certainly occurs in the most unlikely places. Lauren's been pretty down since the prom, and Brett's rumors. But today I saw her grinning from ear to ear so I had to find out why. It turns out that Craig, the guy that wrote "Lauren love Brett" all over her notebook, likes her. He hasn't asked her out yet, but she's working on it. I was kind of surprised because I thought she couldn't stand him, but it turns out she likes him.

And her brother likes me. :) I am counting down the minutes until Monday. Nothing is going to mess up this date. This time it's going to be perfect. Nothing is going to mess it up. My arm is better, I'm not taking pain medication and I'm not ordering any iced tea!

Today was a half day and the last day of school. I went out to lunch with Molly, Alex and Kim. The seniors were let out early. They had graduation practice and then went home.

Tonight I'm singing with the choir at commencement and watching Lindsay and Jennifer graduate. I can't believe it. It's so weird. I wonder what it will be like next year without them around. Lindsay's going to Penn State and Jennifer is headed to NYU. I'm a little jealous that she'll be up there with Josh.

Josh is supposedly going to be at commencement tonight. Man, I hope so. I want to see those beautiful blue eyes so badly. I need a Josh fix.

I love the end of the school year. It's so relaxing and fun. :) I've been working so hard and have been so stressed that it feels good to finally have some fun ahead.

I saw Josh at the swim club on Monday for a few minutes. We looked at the weekend schedule and it's not looking too good for our date. :( Between Lindsay's graduation party on Sunday and Josh's work schedule at the club, there isn't much time for our date. The only time he isn't scheduled is Sunday afternoon! So we are going to have our second first date on Monday. We're going to go down to the shore for the day.

I really wanted a Saturday night date but I'll settle for Monday. I'm just glad there's going to be a date.

The rest of my weekend is going to be busy. Tomorrow night is commencement. Friday night I'm going to go to some parties, Saturday night is Jennifer's graduation party and Sunday afternoon is Lindsay's graduation party. It's going to be super busy but I can't wait! I love this time of year.

Well, it's almost time to head to my next class. More later...

I'm floating on air today because finals are over. The stress of the past few weeks are behind me. I think I did okay on my exams. Now I just wait for my grades.

Natalie is coming up from Florida for a long weekend next week. She gets here on Friday and is staying until Tuesday. I can't wait to see her.

Tonight I'm going out to dinner with Molly and Kim to celebrate the end of finals. We're going to stop by the swim club. I know Josh is working tonight so I thought I'd try to bump into him. I know, crazy old me, up to the same old thing, but I haven't seen him or talked to him in days. The weather has really heated up here in Pennsylvania...Now I want things between me and Josh to heat up.

Ugh...I can't stand it. Studying, studying, studying. My life consists of nothing but studying. Just taking a break to write this post is driving me insane because all I should be doing is studying. But I have to admit that for the first time in months I've been obsessing over something other than Josh, and I guess that's a good thing. I'm glad that I can see that my school work and my future are more important than chasing him around. I just wish I would have figured that out back in April when I was completely slacking off. Live and learn, as they say.

Well, back to studying. I'll write more when I get a chance.

I feel like my life is nothing but eating, sleeping and studying. I have had my head in the books non-stop. I have managed to pull my math grade out of the gutter, but getting it where I want it to be depends entirely on my final exam grade. It's so stressful. Trying to learn and study something that I'm not naturally good at while also trying to study for my other exams is really stressful. Molly called Kelly for me and she agreed to help me this weekend. I just can't wait until it's all over. One more week to go and summer vacation will finally be here!

I had a good weekend. Lots of studying but a little fun thrown in. On Friday night, Lindsay, Aunt Linda, Aunt Lu and I went out for dinner and saw the movie "Cinderella Man." I didn't think I'd like it but it was really good.

Yesterday I spent the day at the library working on my project and studying for upcoming finals. I can't wait for school to let out!

Last night the gang (Molly, Alex, Jennifer, Terry, Lindsay, Jason, Josh and I) went out for dinner and then we went bowling. Josh, Jason, Lindsay and I were on a team and we pretty much kicked their butts! Terry was getting frustrated because I'm an Ace when it comes to bowling! :)

We had a good time, and Josh and I finally got to hang out. There were no seats after one of my turns so Josh pulled me onto his lap. I remembered why I like him so much. It's because when we get close like that everything comes to life. It's like when Dorothy goes from black and white to technicolor in the "Wizard of Oz." We were talking and flirting a little.

At the end of the evening, Josh took me home. He sat down on the steps of the front porch and motions for me to sit with him. So I sat down beside him and he said we have to pick a day for our first date. It's kind of hard since we have to wait until school is out, and we don't know our work schedules yet, so we tentatively decided on the weekend after school lets our. Josh said he has something in mind but won't tell me what it is yet. I'm just praying this really happens. I don't think I can take being let down again.

I went to the library tonight to study and saw Josh there. He was there studying too. I wanted to sit with him so badly but we knew we wouldn't get any work done so I made a point to sit on the other side of the library from him.

Around eight o'clock he came over to my table and said he was taking a study break. Alex happened to show up around that time and sat down with me. Josh asked us to grab a slice of pizza with him after the library closed so at nine we left the library and went into town for a snack.

It was the first time we'd hung out together in almost a month so I was glad to have Alex along as a security blanket. We had a good time though and it was nice being with him. I just can't wait until school is out so I can see if this really is going somewhere or if "he's just not that into me."

I know it's been awhile but the past few weeks have been pretty heart breaking, and I've been pretty stupid. I've been so obsessed with Josh for the past year that I haven't been able to see so much of what's going on around me. I've been walking around for almost two weeks like the injured party, treating him like jerk. He was right to tell me we had to take a break.

Last Thursday night was the night we performed out choir projects. I knew Josh would be there because he was playing piano for Lindsay's song. I picked a song that I knew would get to him. I sang "Could've Been" by Tiffany or Mandy Moore...Carrie Underwood sang it on American Idol. With lyrics like, "the sweet words you whispered didn't mean a thing,I guess our song is over as we begin to sing..." and "Everytime I get my hopes up they always seem to fall, still what could've been is better than what could never be at all..." the song was perfect for what I was feeling.

After I sang it was Lindsay's turn. She sang the song "My Immortal." It was like an epiphany for me...watching Josh's fingers on the piano keys playing that haunting melody, and then listening as Lindsay began to sing the sad words. For a year she's been haunted by James' death every second of every day and I was too caught up in my own life to see it. She's been dealing with something so huge and so life changing and I've been acting like a baby because Josh doesn't do what I want him to do.

Tears were streaming down my face as she sang, and when I looked at Josh it was like he was sad, lost in the song. Afterwards I gave Lindsay a big hug and told her I was so sorry I hadn't seen how much pain she'd been in. She didn't look upset though. She told me she felt better after singing the song because she didn't have to pretend to be strong or okay any more. She said it helped her get her feelings out.

Then she told me that I'd been acting like a brat towards Josh. That I had misunderstood what he had meant when he said he needed a break. She told me that she had lost James to something bigger than any of us, but Josh was still here, still alive, and I was losing out on a chance to be with him because I was being too much of a brat to talk to him.

I chased him down before he could leave the building and told him that I didn't want to fight anymore. He explained to me that when he said he wanted to cool things off, he meant that we should slow things down until school was over, because I'm having problems with math. He also said that our first date was a disaster and that beating up Dave was not like him. He said it freaked him out more than anything.

He said that we're not what "could've been," that there's still a "could be." Then he said that he wants it us to be a "will be." He said he wasn't slowing things down to stop us from happening, he said he was slowing things down so that we don't mess it up before we even started. It was good to talk to him. It cleared a lot of things up for me.

This weekend I spent a few days at Molly's shore house. It was weird because that's where things started with Josh. I missed him, but he was in Pennsylvania working at the swim club. He called me on Sunday though and we talked for a few minutes but other than that I haven't seen or talked to him since last Thursday. I've decided to focus on other things now. I have a fun summer job lined up. I'm going to be Henry's assistant at the swim club (Jen took my job directing the play - I'm cool with it). I also have the dance studio and a lot of school work to focus on right now. If things happen with Josh it will be great, if not, there are other guys out there.