Just got home from more rehearsals but I'm feeling good about things and feeling better about the camping trip. I'm looking forward to seeing Alex. Our friendship lately has been reduced to one line emails and text messages. I don't want it to be that way and I'm so scared that with his family living in Hawaii now and him in Connecticut that we'll grow apart. I'm so looking forward to hanging out with him.

It should be an interesting weekend...we have an interesting mix of people coming. Lauren and Alicia are coming from home. Molly and I are bringing Natalie and Amanda with us. Jason and Kelly will both be there even though they don't speak to one another anymore. Josh is bringing Keith. Jen is bringing Laura. And Alex will be there. I wonder how all of these different people will mix. Especially Jason and Kelly, and Lauren and Jennifer. I have a feeling this will not be a boring weekend. Well, I'm picking up the New York crew at the train station in forty minutes so I should probably get moving. Will provide full details of the weekend on Monday!

I have been dancing nonstop for the past four days. Well, I have set aside some time for sleep, school and eating, but Jordan and I have been working really hard so that we can compete. I'm going camping this weekend and it's adding more stress. I feel like I should be here working but I don't want to let my friends down. But will I be letting myself down if I'm not good enough to go on to the competition? I hope that between tomorrow and Friday I'll feel more confident about my moves.

Ballet class is okay. All the girls are like sticks. I feel chunky next to them. I've never felt chunky before. It's like dancing with a bunch of Calista Flockharts. I know in my head that I don't want to be unhealthy or look like the wind will knock me over, but it's kind of weird to feel big when I've always been small. I don't know. I'm probably just being stupid.

Well, I should go. I need to study and sleep.

I went up to New York Wednesday night to spend some time with Josh. We had dinner and then went out with some of his friends. He's gotten friendly with the drummer of a band so we went to see them perform. It was fun. I got to see Jennifer and catch up with her a little.

One of the perks of having early morning Wednesday classes and late afternoon Thursday classes is that I can go up to New York after class on Wednesday and be back in time the next day for my afternoon classes. Not that I'll be doing that every week but it's nice to know I can get up there to see Josh if I want to.

I'm actually going to see him tonight. He's probably already in town. I was rehearsing with Jordan all afternoon so Jason picked him up. Molly, Natalie, and I are going to meet them for dinner. I tried to talk Amanda into coming but she wanted to go home for the weekend. I was a little worried she was leaving on account of Josh staying over but she said she likes to go home. I guess it must be weird to be in college when all of your friends are still in high school. She said she wanted to go to a football game tonight. She's lucky she's so close to home.

I found a piano teacher - one of the students from the choir college. She seems really cool and she's supposedly a great teacher. Josh and I are going to go shopping for a keyboard tomorrow. My dad agreed to help me pay for it. I hate to ask him for money but since school and dancing are taking up so much time, I don't have a job or extra funds.

Anyway, I should go. It's almost time to leave for the restaurant. More later...NB.

So I went out this morning and bought ballet slippers. Yep, I sucked it up and went to the first class tonight. It's probably way past time that I actually did it. I just never really had the interest in it, but if it's going to help me be a better ballroom dancer than it will be worth it. So now I'm winding down with "Dancing With The Stars" - I love this show! I'm still a "Super Mario" fan but the judges were right - great performance but not enough quick step.

So Natalie met a guy over the weekend and it's distracted her from hating Molly. I hope this guy sticks around - anything to keep the two of them from driving me insane. All of the negativity just makes me not want to be around them. I've been so busy though with dancing that I'm not around that much.

I'm also thinking about taking piano lessons. After watching and listening to Josh play for the past two and a half years I've decided that I want to play too. Now I just have to get up the nerve to ask my dad for the money to buy a keyboard. Josh says that I should get one with weighted keys so that I'm used to the weight of piano keys. Of course that makes it more expensive. I wonder if my father will actually go for this.

Well, I should sign off. I need to fold clothes and iron so that I have something to wear tomorrow!

After my last class I ran over to the dance studio to meet with Jordan. We're both in to the Latin dances so we decided that's what we'll focus on. We worked on the Rhumba and Cha Cha. We have to have a dance prepared by Oct. 5th so that only gives us a little over two weeks to get everything ready, but the dance studio picks the best dancers to send to competition.

I'm also enrolled in a Latin class on Thursday nights. Jordan thinks I should sign up for a ballet class. Mona has told me this before. And my mom tells me this all the time, but ballet has never been my thing. Jordan said that it will improve my lines. I know he's right, I just don't have much of an interest in it. He circled the Tuesday night class on the schedule and handed it to me as I walked out. I guess I'll be taking ballet too. I just don't see myself as a ballet dancer, but Jordan seems to know what he's talking about, and if it could make me a better ballroom dancer than I guess it will be worth it.

Not much else to report. I have to meet with some classmates tonight. I have my first test next week in my math class and the TA offered to get together with us on Monday nights to go over problems. Since math is not my strongest subject I figured it would be a good idea.

I just got back from rehearsing with Jordan. It's so nice to really dance like that again. All of the dancing I've been doing has been to demonstrate the steps to others in dance classes. I haven't gotten to seriously dance for awhile - and definitely not with the kind of partner that Jordan is. I'm just so excited about this!

Anyway, the weekend with the parents really wasn't as bad as I expected. Dinner was good on Friday. We went to a fancy restaurant in Princeton and Natalie helped me keep my sanity with my dad.

Josh came into town last night and had dinner with us. We were supposed to have a romantic weekend up in New York but I had to change things around because my parents came up. He was a good sport about it and Amanda went home for the weekend so he could crash in our room.

We have a camping trip planned for two weeks from now. I'm so excited about it. Alex is going to meet up with us. I can't wait to see him!

I met Jordan last night at the dance studio. We took a swing class together. It was a blast. It's been a long time since I've danced with a partner like him. He is fabulous and he thinks the chemistry is right between us! I'm so excited. We're going to meet on Sunday to choose a song and then we'll start rehearsals. I have been waiting so long to compete and it's finally going to happen! I'm also going to audition for the University Dance team. It's just so cool to finally have a place to do all of these things again.

My parents should be arriving in Newark as I write. They're getting a rental car and driving down. Aunt Lu is going to drive up and meet all of us for dinner tonight. Natalie is coming with us. I think that's annoying Molly a little, but my mom called and Nat answered so my mom invited her. Nat's been my best friend since we were babies so it was only natural for my mom to invite her. Besides, Molly is going out with Kelly tonight to some Princeton party. Maybe I'm just making excuses.

I just wish Molly and Natalie could get past the whole who's my best friend thing and be friends with each other. I think that if they met without me being involved they'd be great friends. At least I have Amanda. I'm so glad she's my roommate. She's one of the coolest people I've ever met. She's down to earth, smart and incredibly funny. Plus she loves to watch Dancing With the Stars. We've bonded over our lust for Mario. :)

So Josh decided he'll come down tomorrow night to have dinner with my parents. I'm surprised. I really expected him to stay in New York. He doesn't like being around my father, so I know he's doing it for me and that means a lot.

Well, I should clean up before the fam gets here. I don't want Aunt Lu to think I've turned into a complete slob!

I love that I don't have class until after lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Especially today when it's rainy and cold out. I can just stay in my room, enjoy the quiet, and get some studying and blogging done.

I'm also mentally preparing for the weekend. The parental unit is flying up from Florida to see how college life is treating me. I asked them to wait until Family Day but they have to do everything on their timeline. It just annoys me because they decided this last minute and I had to ditch my plans to go up to New York. And Josh isn't thrilled about coming down here and spending the weekend with my parents. I don't blame him. My dad is always a jerk to him. So I'm not sure if Josh is coming down or not.

Things with Molly and Natalie haven't progressed at all. They are still making little comments to me behind each other's backs. They don't just come out and say anything. Everything is just a little jab at the other. I wish they would grow up and get along.

Well, I've procrastinated enough. I have some chapters to read and a paper to write for tomorrow so I better get to it. More later...NB

I stopped by the dance studio in town after my last class today. I talked to the owner and he told me that they are having a local dance competition in December and he told me he knows of a dancer who's looking for a partner. He gave me the guy's number so I called him and we're going to meet tomorrow night at the dance studio. His name is Jordan and he suggested we take a dance class tomorrow night together to see if we have chemistry. I'm so excited. I really want to do some dance competitions and this will be a great way to ease in to it! I hope things work out.

Last night I came to the conclusion that Mario Lopez is super hot. Amanda, Molly and I watched the premiere of "Dancing With The Stars" and Mario was fantastic! I personally was always a Zack girl, but now I'm an A.C. Slater girl. ;)

Anyway, I should study so that I can watch part 2 tonight.

The feeling of today is...I don't know, weird. I can't quite put it into words. It's like half of the people around here are sad and reflecting on the events of five years ago, and the other half are walking around like today is nothing. We observed a moment of silence in my first class this morning. I went to a remembrance ceremony this afternoon. I still remember being in junior high and hearing about the terrorist attacks. All of us in Sarasota felt connected to the events because President Bush was in town that morning. Even though we were hundreds of miles away we felt the weight of what was happening. Even as a young teen I knew this was something big. It's scary to think that something could still happen.

On a lighter note...

While I was home this weekend I stopped by the dance studio to see Mona. She gave me the name of a dance studio here to check out. I'd really like to find a studio that competes in dance competitions. I'm going over there on Wednesday to see what they are all about and what I need to do to join.

Things here at school are slowly starting to feel more normal. I love Amanda. She is so easy to get along with. I wish my two best friends were so easy to deal with. They both complain to me about the other. It's really annoying. I've known Natalie my whole life and she was always there for me when my parents fought or my dad was drunk. Her family let me into their home and lives when I need them most. Of course I'm going to be loyal to her, but I'm loyal to Molly too. She befriended me and made me feel part of things when I moved up north. She sat and listened as I cried over Josh. She gave me pep talks when I needed them and showed me that life in Pennsylvania wasn't that bad after all. How can I choose between them? Why do I have to? I understand their insecurities, but I don't know how to make them see that I love both of them. I feel like I can't win.

I'm officially a college student now. Yesterday we so weird. I had three classes back to back from 8 until 11 and then I was done. The rest of the day - done. So bizar! It feels kind of like I'm on vacation, like I'm going to go back home, like this is temporary. I'm sure after a few weeks things will feel more normal.

My roommate is named Amanda. She's 17 and graduated from high school a year early. She's kind of shy but seems really nice. Molly and Nat are in the other room in our suite. They seem to be getting along okay so far. I hope it stays that way.

I have two classes today. Both are after lunch. It's so weird to be able to sleep in. It's all just so weird.

Tomorrow night Josh is coming down and we're headed to Pennsylvania. We're finally going to see Jen in "Evita." And I'll get to see Aunt Lu.

I spent the morning at the swim club helping Henry clean up the place. The weather here is absolutely dreadful so the place was completely dead.

Josh is up in New York until Saturday moving into his room. This whole starting school thing is finally happening. Tomorrow we move into our rooms. It should be interesting. I told Molly and Natalie that they are going to have to share a room since I can't decide between the two of them. Neither of them are particularly happy about it but I think they both know it was the only fair solution. I just hope I don't get stuck with some weird girl.

Aunt Lu, Uncle Bill and Aunt Linda are taking me out to dinner tonight to celebrate my birthday. My birthday is actually on Monday but I'll be in New Jersey so we decided to do the family thing tonight. It should be a nice relaxing evening. I need something low key so that I'll be ready for tomorrow.

I don't know why I'm so nervous. I'll have Molly and Natalie there with me...I guess the fact that they are arguing over me is adding to the stress. I keep telling myself that it will all be okay but I'm scared of starting all over again. I'm just afraid that everything will change and not in a good way.

Okay, no more negative thoughts. I've got to stay positive. Everything will be fine. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.