I'm going up to New York tonight with Josh. One of his friends is having a party so we're going to go check it out. For some reason I'm really uneasy about it. I guess it's just nerves because I won't really know anyone there. Well, there's Keith, but he's not my biggest fan. We get along okay but I know he still holds a grudge. He thinks that I am the reason that Josh was miserable last year, and that may be true, but it doesn't take into account that Josh is the reason I was miserable last year. You'd think he could cut me some slack - especially since neither Josh nor I meant to hurt each other!

Okay, I can see that I'm just going to continue to rant if I keep writing about Keith so moving on...

Last night I went to Angelo's after dance class to listen to Josh play piano. His parents were there so I sat and talked to them for awhile. Mr. Anderson mentioned that he wants to sell their house! I almost freaked out! The Anderson's can't move. It wouldn't be right. I can't imagine them not living next to Aunt Lu. I mentioned it to Josh later that night but he shrugged it off. His father has wanted to sell their house for years and Mrs. Anderson always fights it. Phew! I was worried there. I can't imagine how sad it would be to look out my bedroom window at Aunt Lu's and realize the room across the way isn't Josh's. Way too weird.

Tonight we teach the dancers the Quickstep. Perfect timing since I got a refresher Monday night. There are only three couples left in the competition but they all keep coming to the dance classes - Ron and Denise included - so it's really fun to watch these people learn and appreciate the art that is ballroom.

Josh is playing piano at Angelo's tonight so we're going to drive over together and then I'll go listen to him play afterwards. Angelo always gives me free desert when I go over there so it's really no hardship. :)

I am so happy it's Thursday because that means the weekend is almost here. I have no plans for the weekend but I'm excited for it anyway. I don't know why but I'm having a hard time focusing this semester. Maybe it's because my father is sick, or it could be because of all of my dancing obligations, but I suspect it's because this is the first semester that Josh and I have lived in the same state since we started dating. He's a distraction, but a really good one. I try to use Tuesdays and Thursdays as my buckle down days. He's not around and I only have morning classes so I spend the rest of the day in the library. My grades aren't suffering so it seems to be working well. I am constantly feeling guilty though - like I should be doing homework all weekend instead of hanging out with him. But as long as my grades are good I am not going to worry about it.

That said, I have another hour of studying to do before I have to leave for the dance studio. I should probably get back to work.

Last night after my dance lesson I went over to Josh's. We were sitting up in his room when he heard the doorbell ring. We figured that Jason had ordered pizza or something so we didn't really think much of it, but a few minutes later we heard Jason and another person walking up the stairs. And then we realized it was Kelly. They went into his room. Josh and I kind of just looked at each other in disbelief because we couldn't understand how Jason could possibly think about taking her back. I said, "He's not...He wouldn't!" Josh made a face and said, "It sounds like he is." So we left the house. We were too grossed out by the idea of Jason taking her back that we had to get out of there. God, what is he thinking?!?!?

This is Josh's New York night so he won't be home to find out what in the world Jason is thinking. I'm so disappointed. Jason deserves so much better than her. Also, I will admit that I don't particularly like the fact that if Jason takes her back, she will be around Josh again. I know he doesn't want her, but I still don't like it.

Anyway, on to other things... I spoke with my dad a little while ago and he's starting to feel stronger. The doctors are optimistic and he seems to be too. He's happy that Josh and I will be down in Florida to visit over Spring Break. Nat will be there too so it should be a good time.

The dance class that JD and I took last night was Silver level Quickstep. The Quickstep is one of the dances that I haven't really paid that much attention too so I'm excited about sharpening my skills. I'm still working on Natalie, trying to get her to dance this summer!

I just got back from Pennsylvania. Now I am officially procrastinating because I don't feel like doing homework. That's the problem with putting it off until Sunday afternoon. It feels like such a drag.

I did have a good weekend though, so I don't really have room to complain. Last night was the dance party. We had a really good time. It was a Swing/Jive/Fox Trot/Quickstep theme. All of the songs were old Big Band style. We had some really good dancers there last night. Josh was happy because he loves to swing dance.

I called Natalie yesterday afternoon and insisted that she come. She's been down so I thought it would lift her spirits. She spent most of the night dancing with JD. I was so impressed. Nat and I met as little kids in a tap class, but I have never seen her do any type of ballroom/latin dancing. She was really good. JD is on a mission now to get her to compete this summer in our "Dancing Like The Stars" competition. I totally think she should do it. She would awesome!

This morning Natalie and Josh joined me for brunch with my mom and Aunt Lu. The place we went to was so yummy! The shrimp were huge. I haven't seen shrimp that big since I left Florida. Everything was awesome, and it was nice having an outing with my mother that was fun. I feel like I haven't had fun with her in a really long time. She was more relaxed and she and Josh were talking and cracking jokes. I was really happy because I know that she doesn't completely approve of our relationship. She likes Josh but she thinks I should be out playing the field. I was glad that she is trying.

Well, I think my procrastinating time is up. The text books are calling my name...

I got my snow day yesterday! There is nothing better than a snow day. It's a free day to do whatever you want. Molly, Amanda and I spend the day watching "Sabrina The Teenage Witch." Amanda has the first three seasons on DVD.

Natalie got home from work mid afternoon. She needed some cheering up so we made kraft mac & cheese (extra butter!) and brownies for lunch.

I thought the weather would prevent Alex from coming down this weekend but he took the train into Manhattan and met up with Josh. They came home on the train yesterday afternoon. We all went to listen to them sing last night. We stayed in Pennsylvania over night because we didn't want to worry about black ice. Besides I have the dance party tonight.

Last night after we got back from Angelo's we were hanging out at the Anderson's house. Josh and I were going through his parent's CDs for a song to dance to. I think we're going to dance to "Opus 1." The minute I heard it I could see the choreography in my head. I think we're going to do more of a show dance. I want to use the Quickstep as the basis but I'm going to incorporate the Jive and maybe a few Samba walks and rolls. It won't be strictly one style. I'm kind of excited because I've always stuck to just one style, but JD has been showing me cool ways to mix and match. It makes things a lot more interesting.

I'm hoping for a snow day tomorrow. I'm in the mood to stay home, bake cookies and watch movies. Molly and I have a snow day tradition where we sit around all day watching a TV show marathon or movies. I would love to do that tomorrow - plus the three day weekend wouldn't be horrible either!

Last night I did my samba with Damon. We had a blast. It was so much fun performing again. The competition is getting interesting too. They are down to the last few couples and these people can dance! I'm so impressed. JD's couple is really impressive. I think they are going to take the grand prize. It's obvious that they put a lot of time into their rehearsals.

JD and I talked about plans for the showcase. The group number is going to be a Cha Cha to "Let's Get Loud." I'm really excited because I love that song, but slightly worried because it's a fast Cha Cha. I just hope the amateurs can keep up. JD has a tendency to use very difficult choreography. He also asked me if Josh would be willing to do a second dance with me. I would have to do the choreography for that one. Josh is willing so we just have to decide what style to do and then get to work on it. So much fun! I'm just so glad that I keep getting opportunities to perform with Josh. He's my favorite partner. :)

I hate Tuesdays. Josh has been staying in the city on Tuesday nights. It makes sense he has an evening class and then early classes on Wednesday, but I wish he'd come home. I miss him when he's gone.

I'm excited about "Dancing With The Stars" coming back. I'm counting down the days. I'm excited about the Mark Ballas/Krisi Yamaguchi pairing. Mark and Sabrina were totally robbed last season. I hope Mark gets a chance to go further this time. He's such a good choreographer and there's just something about him...I think he kind of reminds me of Josh.

Oh! And I'm so excited about Louie Van Amstel coming back. I love his choreography too! The stars this season might be a little boring but the pros are going to rock!

I can't wait to get back on the dance floor. I'm looking forward to doing my Samba tomorrow night, but I'm really excited about the showcase performance with J.D. He was telling me about some of his ideas and it's going to be great!

How bad is it that it's Monday afternoon and I'm already counting down to the weekend? I'm in a lazy mood and I just want to sit around the house and do nothing. They are calling for snow on Wednesday but I don't think it's enough to get a day off from school. It's almost 60 degrees today so any snow we get will likely melt when it hits the ground.

This upcoming weekend is going to be fun. Alex is coming down to sing with the guys. The studio is also hosting a dance party Saturday night. I'm dragging Josh over there for a night of dancing. Lucky for me Josh is easy to drag on to the dance floor. I don't know what I'd do if I dated a guy who wouldn't dance. It would never last.

I talked to my father earlier today. His spirits seemed up and he said he is feeling stronger. I know it's probably hard to understand because he and I have had such a difficult relationship, but I want him to be okay. I need him to be okay, because now that he's staying sober I believe there's a real chance for me to have a relationship with him. I need that.

It's been rough. When I told my mother that I wanted to donate a part of my liver to him she freaked out. She couldn't understand why I'd do that. Josh freaked out too, but his freak out was more of a "I don't want you to put your life at risk" kind of freak out. I know he also thinks that my father doesn't deserve my time or my vital organs, but at least he didn't say it. Not that it matters anyway since I'm not the right match. I guess my mother's genes were the dominant ones.

Sunday night and another weekend is over. It feels like it went so fast. Friday night I celebrated Valentine's Day with Josh. He took my out to dinner at a small inn. They had a fireplace and an piano player. It was very romantic. Before our meal was served he excused himself from the table and went over to the piano player. The guy let him play a song. He sang "I Only Have Eyes For You." He serenaded me with the song two years ago on Valentine's Day so it was a special song for us. Later that night a couple stopped by our table and the woman asked me if Josh was always so romantic. I told her that he was and she told me I was very lucky. I think she's right.

Yesterday I spent the day rehearsing the Samba with Damon. We're dancing to "Fuego." Hour after hour of the Samba was quite a workout. Last night I went with Josh, Jason and Natalie to New York. We went out to dinner, but I was so tired afterwards that Josh and I headed home.

I spent today doing homework. And now the weekend is over and I've barely had any time for relaxation. I hope I'll be able to squeeze in some relaxation over the week.

I am ready for the weekend. It's been a rough week. My father is home from the hospital and my grandparents are with him right now. I'm anxious for Spring Break so I can go down to Florida and see him. I've been worried all week. I even looked into the possibility of donating a part of my liver. I saw it on Grey's Anatomy a few years ago, but I guess it makes better fiction than reality. My mother freaked out. Aunt Lu freaked out. Josh freaked out. And it turns out that I'm not even the right match for my father anyway.

Mona asked me if I'd do a showcase performance for a country club she is trying to strike a deal with. They host monthly dance parties for their members and she wants to see if we can start teaching there. They are having a program in April so we are going to go and do a few dances. JD is doing the choreography and wants to bring some of our contest winners into the mix so Josh is going to dance the Cha Cha with me to a group number that we're going to do. It's a way to show off our students and give an example of what we are capable of teaching.

Next Wednesday I am dancing the Samba with Damon during the show to let people know what the dancers will be doing the following week. I'm meeting with him tomorrow to rehearse. I don't get to Samba very often so I'm looking forward to it!

I've been watching America's Ballroom Challenge and I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to hear DWTS announce the new cast. I heard that my favorite pro, Mark Ballas, will be back. I'm not sure it will be the same without Sabrina, but I think he's an amazing choreographer. I can't wait to see what he'll do this time around!

Long time no post. I've been preoccupied with my father's health. His surgery went well. I've decided that I want to go to Florida for Spring Break. Josh is going to go with me. I don't think we would have been going skiing with Kelly anyway.

Jason broke up with her last night. Josh talked to him yesterday afternoon and told him what happened. I got home last night and found Kelly in my living room crying to Molly. Natalie and I went out to get something to eat. Neither of us could stomach being around her.

I have to work tonight so Josh and I are going to celebrate Valentine's Day tomorrow. It's cheaper that way anyway. I see no point in spending twice the money for dinner just because it's February 14th.

It's been a tough few days and I'm exhausted. I found out last night that my father has liver cancer. That was what my mom wanted to talk to me about. I got to Aunt Lu's and we called my father and he told me. They are going to remove a piece of his liver next week.

I held it together pretty well but I was freaking out inside. It's no surprise to anyone that my father and I aren't that close, but I would never wish this on him. It's scary to me and it's not even me going through it.

When I left Aunt Lu's I skipped going to the dance competition and headed straight home. Josh and I were still fighting but I needed to see him. Jason answered the door when I got there and he could tell right away that something was wrong. I was trying to keep it together but the minute Josh came to the door I fell apart.

I don't know what that is. How come I could keep it together so well, but the minute I saw him I just started sobbing? He seemed stunned but he pulled me into his arms and let me cry until I could compose myself.

We ended up staying up half the night talking. I told him about my father and we talked about that for awhile. Then we talked about the Kelly mess. He confirmed what Natalie had said: he's trying to protect Jason. He's afraid Jason will be completely humiliated when he finds out what Kelly did.

I understand it better now. Josh doesn't want to hurt his best friend. I still want Kelly to pay though. She deserves some karmic payback for the crappy way she treats people. But Josh convinced me that it's not my place to get revenge. He also assured me that I'm the only one he wants.

Tonight I have to go to the dance studio. Mona was understanding when I explained why I wasn't there last night, but I don't want to take advantage. Besides, I know that getting on the dance floor will help take my mind off of thing, and it's Cha Cha night - my favorite dance. I normally would be on the road by now but Josh called and told me that he's going to drive me. I'm perfectly capable of driving myself, but I think he wants to take care of me so I'm going to let him. It's sweet and it means a lot to me.

Josh and I are fighting. I'm just can't believe he didn't tell me that Kelly came on to him. I don't understand it. He called me last night after his class and we had it out over the phone. He stayed at Keith's last night so I haven't seen him yet. I'm sure the argument in front of Keith really helped to make me look good too. I'm so annoyed.

Natalie and I went out last night so that I could vent without Molly or Amanda hearing. We decided not to say anything to them because we don't want Jason to find out that his girlfriend is a scumbag via gossip. We went out a diner and had some comfort food. Natalie told me that Josh is probably just trying to protect Jason. I can understand that but I also think I deserve to know that Kelly is evil! Grrr...

Right now I'm at Aunt Lu's. My mom is coming over later. She said she needs to talk to me. I have no idea what's going on with her. There's always something these days. It's weird. She used to be the normal one and my father drove me crazy. Now that he's sobering up, he's the normal one and she drives me crazy. I wish she would get her act together. I really don't need any aggravation from her right now.

I am raging mad. You really would have to read Natalie's blog to understand why. I know she wrote it to clue me in without actually telling me.

You know what, Nat, I think I'm going to go have a talk with Jason myself because someone needs to shut down Ms. Kelly-I-Can-Do-Whatever-The-Hell-I-Please. Unbelievable!

And I called Josh this afternoon to talk about what Cynthia told me and he didn't say a word to me about this morning. So what am I supposed to think? Is he protecting her? I left him another message but he's on the train right now and then in the subway so I have no idea when I'll hear from him.

You know, how does she get away with it? She has been hanging all over Josh for weeks now - and if it's not Josh it's Adam. Why does Jason put up with it? Why does everyone let her get away with this stuff? Everyone makes excuses for this girl. Well, I'm sorry but those days are through. You do not proposition another girl's boyfriend like that. I cannot believe she said, "you know you want to #$%#@^%$ me." I am so floored by this. I've been through quite a few girls who have been after Josh but no one has ever been so brazen about it.

The only good thing about that conversation is Josh's last words to her before he took off.

I'm sorry. I know this post makes no sense. I am just rambling because I am so outraged right now. When I finally compose myself I will write something more coherent. Right now I need to hit the gym. It will probably take hours on the treadmill to work off this anger.

I had lunch with Cynthia this afternoon. She and I were talking about our favorite subject...ballroom dancing, of course! The conversation started to take a different turn halfway through the meal. She asked me how close I am with Kelly. I told her that we weren't that close and she said, "neither are we." Then she told me that Kelly told her that if Josh ever makes it big in the music industry, she will "take him back." Like he's waiting for her to take him. Unbelievable! And what about Jason?

I left Josh a message because I wanted to let him in on this but he's playing piano in south Jersey tonight so I'm not sure when I'll hear from him. I just can't believe she thinks she can have him back if she pleases. I'm so unbelievably annoyed right now. You have no idea.

Okay...on to a happier topic: Groundhog Day. It was awesome. We got up real early Saturday morning and arrived in Punxsutawney around six a.m. On the way there we passed Desire, Pennsylvania and Panic, Pennsylvania. Can you imagine living in Panic? Where did they come up with these names? Desire, however, might not be that bad. ;)

We got to Punxsutawney and we took a bus up to Gobbler's Knob. We had planned to walk but it was a mile and a half walk on an icy hill so we decided to pay for the bus. Totally worth it.

We were all bundled up, but the field was covered in ice so our feet were freezing. There was no way to take the edge off. My toes were like little icicles.

We were standing there - or rather shifting from foot to foot for a little relief - when Josh smiled at me. I asked him what was up. He said, "I was just thinking...if a day ever comes when you start to question my love for you, I want you to look back on this moment, when I got up in the middle of the night to stand outside with you in western Pennsylvania, on ice in February to watch a rodent look for his shadow." We both started laughing.

Punxsutawney Phil (the groundhog) ended up seeing his shadow so we're in for another six weeks of winter. After the prognostication we headed back into town where we had a breakfast buffet and then walked around the town. We left around noon and drove back home where we collapsed out of exhaustion. It was fun but tiring. Very tiring.

Well, it's time for me to head out to meet JD for our dance lesson. Gotta run!