Sorry for the delay in posts. I've had a rocky week and a half. When I was in LA I found out that Josh turned down a job in New York. I found out from his friend Amber, who dropped by again and casually mentioned it...not the way I wanted to find out. Josh and I got into a fight about it and it was a mess. I flew home the next day. Josh and I talked on the phone a few times trying to figure things out, but what it really comes down to is that I need him here. If we're going to be in a relationship, I need him here. And I don't like that he told me he was doing everything in his power to move home, and then I find out that he turned down a job that would have brought him home.

This whole time I've known things weren't right. It felt like April of 2007 when we tried to get back together but we weren't ready. I love him, and I wanted this to be the right time, but it's not. I just see it so clearly now. He lives on the other side of the country. I don't know what I was thinking. I should have stuck with my first instincts back in October. I should have worked harder to get over him, instead of falling back into a relationship that cannot be. 3,000 miles is just too far.

So we ended it. Again. I asked him to give me space and to please respect that I need it. I don't want phone calls or emails. I just need time and space away from him so that I can move on.