The Christmas show was a success. I came clean with Josh and told him that we weren't really replacing another act. I told him that I wanted to spend time with him. He wasn't mad, but I think he was confused. We didn't have a lot of time to talk so I still don't know what he thought of it.

I do know that Jack wasn't too happy with me. It didn't help that Mark talked to him and told him that he was going to be a "casualty in the inevitable reconciliation of Josh and Nicole." I think Mark should just shut his trap. He broke up with me because he couldn't handle things and I don't blame him for that. He was going through a tough time in his life, but he shouldn't go around saying things to other people.

Jack told me he wants to take a break. He's going to North Carolina for the holidays and told me we'll talk when he gets back. I care, but maybe not as much as I should. I don't know, as angry as I am with Mark, there is probably some truth to what he said.

It's just that when I think of my future, and I look at the picture in my head, Josh is the one standing next to me. I just can't seem to let go of that dream.

Okay, I did something. I called Josh last night and told him that one of the acts for my Christmas show canceled and I need his help. He offered to sing a song with me so we'll be rehearsing tonight. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not sure if I'm making a mistake here or if I'm following my heart. Natalie thinks I'm nuts...soliciting advice on this blog, and making up excuses to see him - especially now that we're both seeing other people. Maybe I am nuts. When it comes to Josh, that seems like the norm.

I'm just so mad at Molly. I really hope I don't run into her next week because it won't be pretty. I can't believe she kept those letters from me. It's such a betrayal. She knew I loved him. She knew I was heartbroken over losing him. How could she keep them from me?

Now I have them and it's killing me to think that he wrote me these wonderful things and all along thought I was ignoring him! I want to tell him I have them, but I need to feel out the status of his relationship with Chelsie first.

Sigh...Why do things have to be so complicated? When do I ever get to happily ever after?

I took the day off to go holiday shopping but I can't get myself moving. I'm so confused right now. I've been seeing Jack for the past few weeks and things have been going great, but then last night Natalie came to see me. She is moving out of the townhouse and cleaning up and she found an envelope in Molly's old room. It was full of the letters from Josh. Molly has taken the letters he sent me and kept them from me!

So Natalie gave them to me and left so that I could read them. They were the sweetest, most romantic letters I've ever read. I'm just feeling so many things this morning. I'm livid that Molly kept these from me. I'm crushed that Josh poured his heart out to me and I didn't know it. I'm confused because I really like Jack, but all I want to do is run to Josh to talk to him about thing. And I'm sad because Josh has started dating someone else and even if I want to forget Jack, I have no idea where Josh's heart is at this point.

So for the first time ever, I'm going to ask anyone who's reading this to comment on what I should do. Do I forget these letters and move on? Or do I throw caution to the wind and go find Josh?

I had a fun Thanksgiving weekend. Jack came to Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know why, but I thought he wouldn't come. But he did. My mother was practically giddy that I invited a new guy. It was almost embarrassing, but Jack didn't seem to notice.

On Friday my mom dragged me out to the door buster sales. I can't stand running around with the crowds but my mom loves it so I go along. On Saturday I picked Natalie up at the airport. She stayed the night and we stayed up watching Christmas movies.

On Sunday Jack called and asked me to go out this Friday night! I can't believe I have a date with Officer Perfect...but I'm glad I do. I don't know when or how it happened, but I see a completely different side of him now. He's smart and sexy and protective. So tomorrow night...me and Jack.