The Christmas show was a success. I came clean with Josh and told him that we weren't really replacing another act. I told him that I wanted to spend time with him. He wasn't mad, but I think he was confused. We didn't have a lot of time to talk so I still don't know what he thought of it.

I do know that Jack wasn't too happy with me. It didn't help that Mark talked to him and told him that he was going to be a "casualty in the inevitable reconciliation of Josh and Nicole." I think Mark should just shut his trap. He broke up with me because he couldn't handle things and I don't blame him for that. He was going through a tough time in his life, but he shouldn't go around saying things to other people.

Jack told me he wants to take a break. He's going to North Carolina for the holidays and told me we'll talk when he gets back. I care, but maybe not as much as I should. I don't know, as angry as I am with Mark, there is probably some truth to what he said.

It's just that when I think of my future, and I look at the picture in my head, Josh is the one standing next to me. I just can't seem to let go of that dream.