I only have a few minutes to write. I've been a bum all day. I've pretty much blown off work to loaf around the house. I'm fighting a cold so I have a bit of an excuse, but I always feel guilty since it is my business and I should be working. Josh will be here soon and we'll be putting the finishing touches on our dance, so at least I'll be somewhat productive today.

I am still thinking about my post from the other night. I am so torn up inside. I do love Josh. I will admit that. I've always loved him. I probably always will, but I've gotten pretty good over the past five years at pushing those feelings aside. I've done it because I can't deal with how much it hurts when I lose him.

I don't know. I'm just not sure I can go down that road again. Ugh, as I write that, a part of me says, "can you go down a road without him?" I just don't know what to do. I still see him with me when I imagine my life. I see him in wedding pictures, family pictures, new home pictures, vacation pictures...I see him there with me. What will happen if I let fear hold me back? Will I be alone looking at pictures of him with another woman? How long can a smart, funny, handsome and insanely talented guy remain single?

I keep thinking about the fact that Lindsay is married...married! It reminds me that we're at the age where people get married. Josh is 29, he's not going to be a bachelor forever. Will I spend the rest of my life regretting it if I don't go for it?