Our Rhumba went really well. I think it was the best connection that Josh and I have had so far. It was weird. I felt like I just got lost in the dance and in being with him. It's like I forgot that we were performing. And the way he was looking at me...We were dancing to "The Look of Love" so I'm sure he was just acting, but it still made my heart do flip flops.

One of the judges gave me a hard time about the slow dancing at the beginning and the end. I stand by my choice though. I don't see how it's any different than doing some freestyle and I think it helped our connection.

I explained that I was inspired by memories of having this enormous crush on Josh and how when I would dance with him, I would just try to soak in every feeling and experience - the warmth of his body, the way he smelled, even his breath on my skin. I wanted to bring that feeling to our Rhumba because the song is romantic and the dance is romantic and I knew it would bring a more intimate feeling to the dance.

When we got backstage, Josh pulled me aside and said that he wished he had known all of that back in the day. He confessed that he used to smell my hair when we'd dance. We stood there smiling at each other and then he looked real serious and started to say something like, "I really wish..." but we got interrupted and I didn't get to find out what he was going to say. I hoped that he would bring it up again later in the night but he didn't, and he didn't say anything last night either.

This week we are dancing the Quickstep. We're dancing to a song from the 90's that I wasn't that familiar with but it seems like a cute song. It's called "Take Time." The singer sings, "there's no need to play along like we don't know what's going on." I had to laugh a little when I heard that. It probably would have been the perfect song for Josh and I to dance to back in 2007, but this time I really have no idea if we're playing along or if there is nothing there. I am so confused right now.

I feel like I need to figure this thing out once and for all because as I look back on the past five years, I realize that I've held on to him even though we haven't been together. I've tried dating other guys but I never really let myself get invested because Josh is always in the back of my mind. I just feel like I either need to really go for it with him, or I need to really, truly give him up, and I don't know which is right for me. We still have a long way to go in this competition so at least there is an opportunity to figure it out.