This weekend has been like a rollercoaster ride. Let's start with the good stuff: Molly's party.

Saturday I was a nervous wreck and I don't know what I would have done without Josh there to help keep me calm. Alex was so nervous about going out with Molly that he was over at Josh's house all afternoon trying to convince Josh to take her out instead. Josh told me later that he practically had to kick Alex out of the house.

We got to the party and everyone was there about a half hour before Molly and Alex were supposed to get there - everyone except Kelly. I was convinced that she wasn't going to show up since she had surgery just a few days before but she called me and told me she was coming. She showed up ten minutes after Molly was supposed to get there but still no Molly. Another 10 minutes more and Molly and Alex still weren't there, and I was starting to get worried. Josh came up with a hundred different reasons they could be late...traffic, slow restaurant, etc. and tried to keep me from worrying. He made me dance with him which took the edge off my nervousness.

After 45 minutes of waiting for them people were starting to get anxious and Kelly was afraid she would have to go before Molly showed up. Finally after 50 some minutes of waiting Alex and Molly came in. Molly was completely surprised. The look on her face was priceless and that helped make up for all of the apprehension I was feeling before.

I later pulled Alex aside and asked him what happened. He told me it was his fault and apologized. He said that he and Molly were talking and lost track of time. I thought it was a lame excuse but I didn't press it. When Molly and I had a second to talk she told me that we had to have a chat after the party about things that had happened between her and Alex. I asked her if they were good things and she said, "Very good things!"

Kelly had to leave the party about a half hour after Molly got there but Molly was grateful that she managed to get there.

Later in the evening I was sitting off to the side by myself, just watching and observing the success of the party. Josh came over and sat with me. He told me I was a great party planner and I thanked him for his help.

He looked so cute sitting there so I leaned over and whispered, "What do you think Molly and Alex were doing all that time?" He just grinned and whispered back, "Well, they look really happy." We decided something big had happened between Molly and Alex and I was so glad my plan had worked.

My plan of whispering secrets with Josh worked too because he had moved even closer to me. His face was so close to mine while we talked. I was afraid he could hear the voice in my head begging him to kiss me. Of course he couldn't and he didn't kiss me. But he did smile at me and he took my hand and said, "Come on, Hostess. You need to get on the dance floor."

We walked over to where everyone was dancing and he pulled me close, and it reminded me again of Christmas Eve and I wanted to relive that moment all over again. We smiled at each other and then he pulled me real close.

I looked at Molly who was dancing with Alex. She flashed me a big smile and I knew she was happy. I hoped that we would both get our guys. What could be more perfect than Josh and me double dating with Molly and Alex?

When the party ended Molly and I made plans to meet up over at Aunt Lu's house so I could get all of the details of Molly's date with Alex.

Josh drove me home and asked if I wanted to go for a driving lesson this week since the streets aren't so icy. We made plans for Tuesday night and then I went inside.

Molly got there a few minutes later and told me that her evening was perfect. She and Alex talked about how much they liked each other and he kissed her! Yippie! Finally. Alex and Molly. She told me that they were going ice skating the next night and that I had to go with them. I thought it was strange but I think Molly's still a little nervous about Alex.

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So the next night I go outside to meet Molly and Alex for ice skating and I found out that Alex had invited Josh. I figured it was to get me out of the way so he could be alone with Molly but I found out later that he had asked Josh to come because he was nervous.

So Molly and Alex skated off and I practically had to pull Josh into the rink. I figured out pretty quickly why he didn't want to skate. He's horrible! I couldn't help but tease him a little. I finally found something that he isn't great at! It gave me an opportunity to help him with something for once. He took my arm and I helped him around a few times. Of course he caught on quickly but it was nice to teach him something instead of the other way around.

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When we got home, Lauren ran out the door the minute we pulled up. Josh's uncle (the one who's sick) had OD'ed on sleeping pills or something and had died. Lauren was frantic because Mr. Anderson was on a business trip and Mrs. Anderson wasn't handling the news well at all. Josh said he'd talk to me later and ran into the house.

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Lauren wasn't at school today and I haven't heard from either of them. It doesn't look like anyone is home so I haven't stopped by. I just feel so bad. Everyone knew he was going to die but no one figured he would take his own life. No one was prepared for that.

Before James died last year I had never really dealt with death. I'm just so bad at it. I don't know what to say or do. I feel so helpless. What can you say? Are there even words that exist that will heal the pain? Or even just ease it?

I want to see Josh so badly. I want to give him a hug and be there for him. I don't know how he feels about this. I don't know how he's handling things. I'm just so on edge.

I'm comfortable being there for Josh but I'm nervous about seeing Mrs. Anderson. What if I say or do the wrong thing? What if I make things worse?

I thought after seeing what Lindsay went through I'd be able to handle things like this better, but I can't. I am completely inept when it comes to this stuff.

I asked Aunt Lu what we would do and she said we would be there for them and lend a helping hand and support if they needed it.

I just wish Josh would call. :(