I haven't talked to Lauren or Josh but I got a text message from Josh today that said "still on for tonight - 7:00" - I guess this means we're still doing our driving lesson. I hope he's holding up. The Anderson's house was dark last night until real late when I saw Josh pull up and go into the house. I don't think anyone else was around though.

Molly and Alex are on Cloud 9. I'm so happy for them but it's hard to feel good right now. I feel bad for the Andersons and I'm so confused about my standing with Josh. I just don't know what we are to each other.

Was our kiss just something to do because of tradition, because of the mistletoe? It couldn't have been though because he kissed me again later that night and then again on Christmas Day. And then again at midnight on New Years Eve! I just don't understand what changed. Was it his uncle's illness and subsequent death?

I've just been having a bag, nagging feeling for the past week or so. I just feel like something is going on that I don't know about. I feel like this thing with Josh isn't going to happen. I told Molly and she thinks I'm nuts. Maybe I am, but I can't explain this feeling. I just feel completely bummed out right now.