Josh got a call from the record exec. guy that we met through Nat's father! He's coming to New York next week and wants to talk to Josh. I am shocked! How amazing would it be if this guy discovered Josh? Of course, it also scares the crap out of me that Josh could move off to Hollywood and become famous with girls falling at his feet. Still, he's so talented and if this is what he wants, than I have to support him on this.

I'm going away this weekend with Natalie. She's been struggling a bit lately. It's been a confusing winter for her, so we're heading down to DC to get away and just have some fun. I'm looking forward to getting away and getting my mind off of things with my father. I'm constantly worried about him. It's dominating every thought.

We're not leaving until tomorrow so I'll still get to spend a little time with Josh this weekend. We're having "date night" tonight because all of our social time has been spent in groups of friends lately. He's going to spend the rest of the weekend in New York so it worked out. He can go out and party with his friends in New York and I can spend some quality time catching up with Nat.

The Anderson's are putting their house up for sale! :( They told Josh on Easter that they are buying a house closer to New Jersey so that Mr. Anderson doesn't have to travel so far to work. His doctor told him that he has to reduce stress so he's doing that by reducing his commute. They are looking at houses that are about a half hour away from where they are now.

I think I was more upset about it than Josh was. He says "a house is not a home" and that it's people that make a place home. It's a nice sentiment, but I still can't understand how he can be so carefree about his parents selling his childhood home.

I can't imagine him not being next door when we're home during the summers. I can't imagine looking out my window and not seeing his room there. It will be someone else's room - a stranger's room.

I know it's not my place to be upset about this but I am. The Anderson's are my second family and now they are moving away. Yes, it's only 30 minutes away but it won't be the same. They won't be next door anymore. :(

I am so excited about this season of DWTS. The women are awesome this time around. I really, really, really hope one of them wins. I want to see a woman take the mirror ball trophy. I'm thinking either Kristi or Priscilla. Speaking of Priscilla - I was completely shocked. I didn't expect her to be so fabulous!

Mona and I had dinner together last night. We talked about the dance competition this summer. I was worried because my cruise is the first week in July and I thought it would mean I can't dance, but Mona wants to push things back to Mid-July because people complained last year that it interfered with the July 4th weekend. Phew! I would have been really disappointed if I couldn't dance. I'm looking for a repeat win! :)

Alex is coming to town this weekend to perform with the guys. That means Denise and I will be eating free cheesecake at Angelo's on Friday night. I'm going to stay in Pennsylvania all weekend. Aunt Lu is hosting Easter so I'm going to help her out with the cooking.

I had a weird experience yesterday. I was at the grocery store and I ran into the psychic that I saw last year. I stopped her and told her how accurate she had been. She predicted Josh going out of the country and my dad's illness. She told me that I have to take classes over the summer. She was adamant about it. It was weird but she was so right last time I saw her that I picked up a summer course catalog. Maybe I'm crazy but I just felt like I should listen to her.

I'm back from Florida. We got home yesterday afternoon. It was hard leaving. I just feel weird. I don't know how else to put it. It feels like my world is being turned upside down. Looking at wills and talking about estates...it's just more than I thought I'd have to handle at this point in my life. Then yesterday before we left my dad told me that he and Nat's dad bought us each a ticket for a cruise this summer. And it's not just any cruise - it's a Mediterranean Cruise. It's absolutely fabulous, but I can't help but feel like it was a parting gift, like he wanted to do one last really, really nice thing for me.

For years I've hated my dad. I hated his drinking, I hated his workaholic tenancies. Things finally started getting better and now he's seriously ill. It's not fair. I want to have a good relationship with him. I don't want to lose out on that, and I feel like it's being taken from me.

Josh says all of my worry is premature, that the doctors are optimistic and I should be too. But my dad's not and if he's not then I just feel like that lessens his chances.

I'm also worried about losing Josh. I know it sounds crazy because things are really good between us, but I just have this feeling that something is around the bend and it's not good. He keeps assuring me that everything is going to be fine but I can't help it. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, except that Saturday night Josh was playing the piano at Natalie's family party. One of the guests works in Nashville for a record company and he was very interested in talking to Josh.

I want Josh to be happy and I want him to live his dreams, but the idea of him going off and becoming famous scared the you-know-what out of me. I just feel like I'd lose him forever if he left to pursue a musical career, and at the same time I know it wouldn't be right for me to hold him back from that.

Josh and I went to the Sarasota Jungle Gardens today. We had a nice time walking around. I've been feeling down the past few days and Josh thought it would be good for me to go out and do something.

Yesterday we hung out with Natalie and she's been down too. I really don't understand how Jason could have gone back to Kelly when he had a chance with Nat. I get that he has history with Kelly but it's bad history. It's a shame that he missed his chance to start anew.

Nat went up to Gainesville to hang out with Patrick but I'll see her tomorrow night. Her father is having a big party and they invited Josh and I over. Patrick and Arie will be there too as well as a few girls that I kind of knew before I moved up north.

Speaking of people I once knew...Josh and I ran into Jeremy last night at the mall. Awkward. Josh knows that I dated someone last year when we were apart, but it was still weird. Seeing them side by side made it easy for me to see why Josh was the one that I wanted. Jeremy comes off as such a slimy jerk. Josh even said as we walked away, "what did you see in that guy?" A rebound. A distraction. A hope that it would dull the pain of my broken heart.

Well, I should probably go rescue Josh. I'm pretty sure my grandmother is telling him the story (for the millionth time) about how she wanted to be a police officer but in her day women didn't do that...on and on it goes. Seriously, I love my grandmother but I just don't see her as a cop.

Josh and I spent the day out on Natalie's boat with Nat and Arie. It was a nice change of pace over the past few days.

The meetings with my father's lawyer and accountant were just plain depressing. They went over the "estate" with me and discussed taxes. I guess I haven't been paying attention because I had no idea that you have to pay a tax to die! I kept saying to Josh, "I can't believe you have to pay a tax to die!" He kept saying, "It's not exactly like that. Your estate is taxed when you die." Either way, I think it's lousy. My father has already paid income taxes on that money (another thing Josh pointed out). Then they expect him to pay a death tax! It's robbery.

I kept going on and on about the death tax Monday night. Josh finally looked at me and said, "Is that really what's bothering you?" Of course it wasn't. What's really bothering me is that my father is making me go over all of this stuff. This is the first time I wish my parents were still married. I wish my mother was going over all of this stuff and not me. But more than anything I wish my father would focus on health and not death! His prognosis seems good, so why is he showing me wills and explaining estate taxes?

Last night I had a dream where I saw the grim reaper. It freaked me out so badly that I ran downstairs to the guest room where Josh is sleeping and crawled into bed with him. I felt like a little kid who's afraid of the dark. My father caught me sneaking out of Josh's room this morning but he didn't even say anything. It's like he's given up on protecting me from Josh and is now pushing me towards Josh. It's really weird.

Anyway, today was the first day that I didn't have to think about death (until now), so it was a nice diversion. Tonight Josh and I are going out to dinner with his grandparents. I think we're going up to Long Boat Key. I hope Josh hurries up with getting ready because it's a bit of a hike.

That's all for now (as if it weren't enough - I just unloaded a lot!)...

I'm sitting in my father's home office in Florida. We had a nice day. Josh and I went and got shrimp and crab legs and brought them home for a seafood feast with my grandparents and father. He seems to be hanging in. He's tired and his skin color looks off, but he seems to be fighting for his health and that's a huge relief.

Josh went to have dinner with his grandparents in Bradenton. I'm hoping that my grandparents will give me some time alone with my father. I want to talk to him. He mentioned to me at dinner that he wants me to meet with his lawyer tomorrow. It makes me nervous. I'd rather him focus on the getting better than the tying up loose ends.

I have been trying to reach my father all week and having no luck. I found out today that he's been going to work! The man has cancer, he had part of his liver removed and he's been going to work! His recovery time is supposed to be 5 to 6 weeks. He's only been out of the hospital for 2! My grandmother called me this morning all upset because my grandfather keeps driving him to work. I have a feeling that this will be an interesting week coming up.

I hope to talk some sense into my father while I'm down there. I think he is preparing to die and that scares me. I want him to fight for his life. I want him to fight to be here so that we can finally have a good relationship. I want the father that I had when I was little, the father that I had before alcohol consumed his life.

My grandmother said he's been meeting with lawyers and accountants all week, which is what leads me to believe he's trying to get his affairs in order. Now this is speculation on my part, but I know that my mother is driving a brand new Lexus and considering that she doesn't have a job, I have to assume that my father has given her a large sum of money. She also mentioned to me a few times in the past few days that I'm the "sole heir." I don't know why she keeps bringing this up, but it really aggravates me.

And since I'm on the topic of my mom aggravating me...Mona offered her a job at the dance studio and she turned it down! This makes no sense at all. My mother needs a job, and a job was practically handed to her on a silver platter! Why didn't she take it?!?! Probably because my father is funding her midlife crisis.

Josh asked me last night how I can be so functional when my parents are so dysfunctional. I think it's because my mother was functional up until about a year ago. Now she's gone off the deep end.

Josh and I head down to Florida tomorrow morning. I will finally be able to see my father first hand so I'll know what's really going on. That should help to put me at ease. It will just be nice to be away from here. I need a break from the cold weather, and some warm sunshine will be nice.

I am so ready for Spring Break. I can't wait to get down to Florida and away from school work. I'm ready for some relaxation!

Tonight is the final night of the dance competition. I can't wait to see how things go. All of the dancers are doing a group dance. I didn't play a part in the choreography or the training, so I'm really anxious to see how Ron and Denise do. Josh is singing tonight too. I was hoping they'd ask us to dance again but no such luck. I'm sure they'll want him to dance this summer since he was last year's winner. I'm still working on Natalie. I think she needs to shake her groove things. :)

Speaking of Nat, we surprised her for her b-day Monday night. I almost blogged about it twice last week - lucky thing I caught myself before I posted or she would have read it and the surprise would have been ruined!

I had dinner with the Andersons Saturday night. Mr. Anderson was still talking about putting their house up for sale. Mrs. Anderson, Josh and Lauren all seemed to ignore it. I hope they don't move. I just can't imagine them not being there. They are like my second family. The thought of them moving away totally freaks me out. Josh says his father has wanted to move for years and that his mother wants to stay put so it will never happen.

Josh and I had lunch with Adam, Natalie and Patrick yesterday. I was proud of Josh. I know he feels kind of uncomfortable around Patrick, but he handled himself well. I think seeing Patrick and Natalie together helps. I also think things are more solid between Josh and I now so there isn't the same worry that was there a few weeks ago.

I got a phone call last night and when I picked up I heard, "Sunshine!" It was Henry! :) We're going to meet up for dinner Tuesday night. I can't wait to see him. Henry is like the big brother I never had.

A skunk must have been on the prowl last night because the skunk odor was all around the house when I left this morning. Josh was walking out of the house as I was getting in the car. He looked at me and was like, "What is it with you and skunks?" Like I attract them or something! Good grief! I just smiled at him and suggested that the skunks probably flock to HIM the way all of the girls do. He smiled at me and shook his head. I blew him a kiss and headed off to class.

P.S. - Happy Birthday, Natalie! :)

We ended up staying in Jersey last night. Josh was tired and didn't feel like going to a party. Keith came down here and we all went bowling. It was me, Molly and Amanda against Josh, Jason and Keith. We had a nice time and Keith was actually really nice to me the whole time.

Things got competitive and we ended up making a bet that the losers would make the winners a big pancake breakfast this morning. It sounded like a good idea... until we lost. So this morning Molly, Amanda and I made the guys a big breakfast. It was all going very well until Natalie and Patrick came walking down from upstairs. Patrick left and Natalie and Jason had a huge screaming-at-each other fight. Awkward.

After that Josh and I took Keith to the train station and then we went to a store that specializes in dance clothing. I needed some new dance wear. Josh was sitting down on a chair reading a magazine while I shopped. I swear at least three different women stopped and checked him out while we were there. He was totally oblivious to it, but they actually stopped in their tracks to check him out! I totally get it that girls like him when they hear him sing or if he flashes that sexy smile of his, but for the love of Pete, he was just sitting there! You would have thought it was McDreamy sitting there. He thinks I make this stuff up, but I saw it with my own two eyes.

Now I'm home trying to relax, and hoping Natalie shows up so I can find out what this morning was all about. I know things have been rocky between her and Jason the past few days but this was an all out war or words.