Just a few days until Las Vegas. I can't wait. I can't believe I'm going to be 21 and old enough to do all of the things people do in Las Vegas. And even though I'm not a drinker or gambler, I'm really looking forward to this trip. The only thing I'm bummed about is that no one wants to make the trek out to the Grand Canyon and it's something I really wanted to do. I wanted to see the sunrise there. Oh, well. I looked into the tours and it doesn't look like they do sunrise tours anyway.

I'm working on my lesson plan for the dance class. It's introduction to Ballroom and Latin so I'll be doing a different class each week. I with I could do a more in depth class but this is what the hotel wants. It's 8 weeks so I'll be covering Rhumba, Cha Cha, Waltz, Fox Trot, Tango, Mambo, East Coast Swing and Samba. Although I'm kind of thinking of cutting out the Samba and doing two weeks of Swing since people are more likely to swing than Samba. I'm really looking forward to this!

I just got back from a day of shopping with Nat and Molly. We decided we needed some new clothes for the start of school. They both informed me that as a single girl, I need to make sure I'm putting my best foot forward. It's so weird. Josh and I have been broken up since January and yet it's taken me almost 9 months to feel like a single girl. Maybe I'm actually coming to terms with things. I don't care what the explanation is. I just know that I'm feeling happier than I have in a really long time and that is a good thing.

This weekend I'm going up to Connecticut to hang out with Lauren and Alex. That's the cool thing about starting school later than everyone else - I get to go visit them before I get stuck in the thick of things. I have also been invited to go visit Mark in Boston. I've never been there so I think I'll go. He suggested that I visit over Halloween weekend so that we can go to Salem. That sounds like so much fun!

Henry has set up the dance lessons at his hotel that we talked about a few months ago. I'm going to be teaching beginners Ballroom and Latin there on Tuesday nights. I'm so excited about this. It will be my own class. I've always helped to teach someone else's class so this is big for me. I'm so excited!

Saturday night turned out to be a really great night. Molly and I got to Angelo's a little after 9:00 and the first thing I saw was Josh surrounded by his groupies. I must have looked disgusted because Mona told me to wipe the look off my face, and reminded me that those women are big supporters of the dance studio that I'm about to buy. I'm going to try to be more patient with them going forward.

So the guys were on stage singing and I have to admit, although begrudgingly, that the guy who replaced Josh is pretty good. He's not Josh, but he's good. Anyway, they were singing and Josh came over to talk to us. His family was there and a lot of Angelo's regulars were around. Molly and I were hanging out with Lauren and Denise for most of the night.

The guys sang "I Only Have Eyes For You" and Josh and I danced together. It's one of our songs. He pulled me real close, and it felt real good, but I reminded myself that I can't settle for three minutes. I need more.

The guys pulled Josh up on stage to sing "The Morse Code of Love" and "O What A Night" which are two of the songs he used to sing. I was hoping he'd sing "This I Swear" but he didn't. It's not like the song was ever really for me, but I kind of felt like it was for me. Or maybe it was wishful thinking.

The guys also sang the song, "Denise" to Ron's wife Denise. Which is kind of funny since Alex does most of the singing. I guess Ron's bass voice can't hit those high notes. We all danced around her and then they followed up with more fast songs. Lauren and I did some swing dancing. I danced one more time with Josh towards the end of the night. I told him that he should be on stage and he responded with, "right now, I think I'm right where I need to be." He always does that...says the perfect thing.

So that was the evening. Josh and I had some moments but nothing earth shattering. I still want to be with him, but I know that I can't. And for now, I'm okay with it. I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing. I'm moving on with my life and hoping that someday I will find someone new.

Last night I was a little crazy. Natalie and Molly just got back in town. Nat was working for her father all summer and Molly had an internship at Disney World. We all met up for dinner in town and then I dragged them around to every place I thought Josh might possibly be. Of course he wasn't at any of the places, and when Natalie got home she called me and told me that Lauren's car was parked outside of Jason's house. I guess that's where he was.

This morning wasn't much better. I was thinking about him like crazy so I immersed myself in Aunt Lu's backing project in hopes of distracting myself. It appears that she is single-handedly trying to supply the entire stock of baked goods for the church bake sale tomorrow. She has been baking non-stop since yesterday. We spent the morning making brownies, cookies, chocolate cake...yum.

Then around lunch time Aunt Lu got a phone call and wandered into the living room to take it. A minute later she called me out there to look at something. She pointed out the window and I saw Josh sitting in his mother's car outside his old house. I ran out and tapped on the window. He looked a little embarrassed and rolled down the window. I asked him if I could get in and he unlocked the door.

He told me he wanted to see if the new neighbors made any changes to the house. He said it feels weird because he feels like it should still be his house. We talked about the house for a few minutes and then I asked him why he didn't tell me he was coming to town. He said it was because Lauren told him I was doing well and that I was happy and he didn't want to mess things up for me. Then he said, "I hear you're seeing someone new. Is he good to you?" I told him that Mark and I only went on one date and that Mark was on his way back to Boston so it was hardly a relationship. I explained that it was really just a friendship and that I was grateful to Mark for opening my eyes and getting me to stop moping around. I told him how Mark said he wouldn't feel sorry for me because I was gorgeous, smart, funny and talented. Josh just smiled and said, "He sounds like a smart guy."

I coaxed him into the house with promises of Aunt Lu's cookies, which she was surprisingly generous with. Josh had to head back into town to pick up his mother so he didn't stay long, but he invited me to Angelo's tonight to see the Doo Wop guys perform. He's not singing (he's been replaced) but he's going and he said a lot of people would be there.

Now I need to figure out what to wear. This time I'm going to be prepared to see him. No run-to-the-grocery-store clothing or old clothes with flour, batter and eggs all over them. Tonight I must look good.

I just got back from the grocery store. I was standing in line to check out when my phone started ringing. I looked at it and saw it was Josh calling. I picked up and said, "Joshua Anderson, to what do I owe this pleasure?" He responded with, "I just wanted to tell you how gorgeous you look." My heart turned over and started thumping away as I scanned the store and saw him standing there just a few feet away. I nearly dropped the butter and eggs Aunt Lu had sent me to fetch.

I walked over to him and he wrapped me up in one of his amazing hugs. He flew in last night. He had wanted to come for Lauren's final dance on Wednesday but he couldn't get out of work so he managed to get home for the weekend.

And now here I am at home blogging about Josh once again. I fully expected to be recounting the details of a great evening out with Mark, and yet all I can think about are the 2 minutes I spent with Josh at the grocery store. I don't understand how he does this to me. I was finally getting my life together and then he waltzes in and I'm like putty in his hands. He smiles at me and his eyes sparkle and I'm a goner. And he looks so good...I guess a little more LA than I'm used to. His hair is a little longer and he wasn't clean shaven, but God he looked good. He shouldn't be allowed to look that good. It's not fair to his poor ex-girlfriend who can't get over him.

He was heading over to the swim club and it's taking all of my will-power not to run over there to see him again. I can't even fake a reason to be there. I just keep hoping that somehow I'll see him again before he heads back to California.

Lauren won the competition. I wasn't really surprised. I know the Joshies would come through for her. I do believe that without them Mark would have won, but whatever. It's just a summer competition and Mark didn't seem too terribly upset about his loss. He looked like he was having a good time and that's what's most important.

So tonight we are going out to dinner and then to see "The Ugly Truth." I think we'll have a nice time. He leaves to go back to school on Saturday, so as I mentioned before this isn't going to become a relationship, but it's still nice to get out. And the fact that Mark is a smart, funny and handsome guy doesn't hurt either.

I'm looking forward to going to Vegas. I want to take one of the bus trips to the Grand Canyon so badly. None of my friends seem too into it though. I'm hoping to convince them before we get there. What could be more spectacular than seeing the Grand Canyon?

Tonight is the night. Will it be Mark? Or will it be Lauren? My instinct is Lauren. She's got Josh's "fan club" behind her. I love Lauren, but I think Mark should win. He has really proven himself over the past few weeks. I was watching him at dress rehearsal last night and he looked really good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I can't really campaign for him because most of my friends will be voting for Lauren.

Tomorrow night is our date. I'm kind of nervous about it. I think I might like him more than I thought. I know it won't go anywhere though. He goes to school in Boston so we probably will just have this one date. And if I were going to have a long distance relationship, we all know who that would be with.

I think this is just the thing for me: a date with a guy who I like but have no expectations for. I don't have to worry about getting hurt, or hurting him. I don't have to feel guilty about the fact that he comes in second to Josh. I can just enjoy the date. That's my plan anyway.

Well, I need to get moving. Call time at the dance studio is in a half hour and I have to round up all of my stuff!

Mark made it to the finals! Jenna is back now and they are rehearsing. I went down to Ocean City, Maryland with Amanda for a few days. Her cousins rented a place down there and we hung out with them. It was a lot of fun and a good way for me to unwind after a few stressful days of rehearsal.

I got back yesterday afternoon and spent the rest of the day rehearsing with Matt. We are doing our Fox Trot again at the finale and I needed to get Matt ready for the performance. We rehearsed last night and again the morning.

So after the performance last Wednesday night Mark kissed me. Our Samba was hot and the audience loved it. I kind of thought the kiss was a result of him excitement about doing a good job and getting to the final round, but later that night he made another move. I told him that I do not hook up. On Friday he called me while I was in Ocean City and asked me to go out with him next week. So I'm going on a date with Mark. I admit that I find him incredibly attractive, and we certainly have chemistry, but I'm not over Josh. So I'm not sure how this will work. I'm just going to take it slow and see how things go.

Not much time for blogging this week with two dances. I'm waiting for Mark so I thought I'd pull out the iPhone for a quick post. I heard back from Josh. He's coming to Vegas. Should make for an interesting weekend. Henry is also coming. I still think a love connection could be made with him and Lindsay. Maybe it will happen in Vegas...just hope it doesn't stay in Vegas.

Rehearsals are going surprisingly well. I think Mark and I have discovered a mutual respect for each other. After knocking the socks off the judges the other night, I think Mark realizes that I'm an asset to him in this competition. On some level he knew that, or he wouldn't have requested I take Jenna's place, but now I've proved it to him. He's listening to me better and not answering the phone constantly. I'm impressed.

Lauren asked me if she can invite Josh to Vegas. I totally understand that she wants to see him, and I have to admit that I want to see him too. I told her I'd invite him. It seems like it should come from me. I'm going to call him a little later to see if he's interested.

I'm going to spend the afternoon at the swim club with Molly. Mark had a family thing this afternoon so I'm going to meet up with him again this evening for more rehearsals.

I'm feeling frustrated this morning. There's a group of women who have been coming to the dance competition since Josh was in it two years ago. They love him - like really love him. He actually has fans. They would show up at his doo-wop performances and on nights that he played the piano at Angelo's. I've even run into some of them out and about in town and they are always asking me questions about him. Everyone at the studio has started calling them the "Joshies." So I totally appreciated them when Josh was in the competition but now it's just getting annoying. They've jumped on the Lauren bandwagon and convince everyone to vote for her. Now, I love Lauren, but I want Mark to have a fair shot at winning this thing.

I think the judges made it even worse for us the other night because one of them looked at me and said, "Nicole, this pairing reminds me of another partner you once had. You and Mark are just as hot." I don't think the Joshies liked this. I just hope they don't take it out on Mark and I hope the other people in the crowd will like him enough to keep him safe. I'll feel really bad if he doesn't get to dance with Jenna again.

The other thing that kind of annoys me is that Lauren encourages these women to obsess over her brother. She keeps telling them that he might come to see her dance. Every week they are looking around for him. I'm almost positive that Josh has no plans to come home.

It's just so weird. The whole thing is so weird to me. I just don't understand how they can be so obsessed with someone they don't know. I mean, they don't stalk his house or anything weird like that, but it just seems like overboard adoration. It's not like he's a celebrity. He's just a guy that danced in a community competition. I just don't understand why they are so loyal after two years.

Mark made it through to the semi-finals. The judges loved our Cha Cha! They said it was Mark's best dance of the summer! It was the first time in a long time that I really had fun. I'm so excited that I get one more week in the competition!

My song went off without a hitch. I made Aunt Lu sit in the front row with a copy of the lyrics so that she could lip them to me in case I forgot the lyrics. Luckily it didn't come to that, but it was stressful. It's not easy to learn a song you don't know in one day - especially when it hits so close to home. It was good for me though. Last night was a new start.

I've got to head over to the dance studio in a little while. I have to work out the choreography for our Samba and Quickstep. Two dances equals double the stress! I'm hoping it's not too bad!

Standing back stage waiting to go one. Super nervous...especially about singing. Hoping I don't forget the words.

Yesterday afternoon Mona calls me and asks me if I can sing tonight. Jennifer was supposed to sing, but she got called back for an audition in New York and doesn't think she'll be home in time. So I agreed to sing. The only hitch is that two dancers are going to dance to the song so I have to sing the song that Jen was going to sing. Well, the song Jen was going to sing is called "I'll Never Love This Way Again." Seriously.

So I finally decide I'm going to get on with my life and then I find out I have to sing a song called "I'll Never Love This Way Again." I just have to laugh because it's like some cosmic joke. Oh, well. Maybe it will be my last tribute to Josh.

There's actually a line in the song that I like. It's "A fool will lose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday." It's time for me to move forward. I know that I'll always love Josh, but I hope that there's enough room in my heart for someone new because Josh is 3,000 miles away and I don't think he's coming back.

I also found out last night that Jenna isn't coming back this week. That means I have to get Mark through tonight, and the semi-finals so that Jenna can dance with him again at the finals. Talk about pressure. The up side is that if anyone is up to the challenge it's Mark. He does like to party, and he does get distracted easily, but he also is a great dancer. I can't believe how much improvement I've seen in just a week. It's amazing.

If we get through this week we'll be doing the Samba and the Quickstep next week. It will be a challenging week. I'm hoping we can do our Samba to "Hips Don't Lie" and our Quickstep to "Puttin' On The Ritz." I put in our requests last night.

Well, that's all for now! I have to meet up with Mark in an hour to do some last minute fine tuning for tonight.

Last night Mark said something to me that totally opened my eyes. We were rehearsing and I twisted my ankle. I sat down and was grumbling to myself. He looked at me and said, "Get up. We have to stay in this competition until Jenna gets back." I gave him and look and asked for a second to shake it off. He rolled his eyes and I said, "Jeez, show some compassion. You could at least feel a little sorry for me."

That's when he said it. He looked at me and said, "There is no reason to feel sorry for you. You're gorgeous. You're smart. You're funny and you're talented. I'm not going to feel sorry for you, and I think it's about time you stop feeling sorry for yourself."

Wow. What a wake up call. He doesn't even know what's going on in my life, but he could sense that I've been engaging in a major pity party. He is so right. I do need to stop feeling sorry for myself. My father is gone and Josh has moved away, but that doesn't change the fact that I have a lot going for me (not to toot my own horn, but you know...). I really need to be focusing my attention on all that is good. I have great friends. I have Aunt Lu. I have one year left of college that I want to enjoy, and I have an amazing business that Mona is selling me. What do I have to feel sorry for?

Maybe this partnership is just what I needed. Maybe Mark was brought into my life to get me back on track. Who knows? I'm just going to remind myself of what he said every time I'm feeling a little down, because he was absolutely right.

Mark and I went to visit Jenna last night. It was obvious that he cares about her a lot. He was so sweet to her - it actually made me like him a little more. It's not that I don't like. He's a nice guy, it's just that he's all over the place. I can't keep his attention and the constant phone calls during rehearsals drives me nuts. With that said, he is a pretty good dancer. I have a good feeling that we'll make it to next week.

I just hope that Jenna makes it to next week. She wasn't looking so great. She has some sort of infection that went into her jaw and it's making her feel really crappy. I feel really bad for her. She kind of hinted around that she might need another week off. I just hope I can keep Mark in the competition long enough for her to return.

Natalie decided that we're going to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday! She and Molly are planning it. I'm not sure who all is going yet, but I think it will be fun. We're only going for a few days, but it will be great to get away with my friends. Natalie said it's time for me to have a little fun in my life and I think she's right. I'm going to party it up this year. I deserve a great birthday.

Okay, I gotta run. I'm meeting Mark around 5:00 for more rehearsals and I have tons of stuff to do. This day has totally gotten away from me!

Well, working with Mark has been a bit of a challenge. He's a good dancer and he's a nice guy, but he's also a big partier and he always wants to have fun. I guess it's good to always been ready for fun, but learning to ballroom dance is hard work and Mark does not like work. He has a different girl calling him every 15 minutes and he is so laid back about everything. It really pisses me off.

At the party the other night I had to stop him from drinking because I didn't want to have to train him with a hangover. He was none too pleased, but I held my ground. I am not going to let him get voted out of the competition on my watch. I owe it to Jenna to keep him in.

Yesterday morning Josh posted his status on Facebook. He wrote, "Josh wishes he were in Pennsylvania." I responded "me too." Last night he called and we talked for an hour. God I miss him. It was good to talk to him, but it makes me miss him even more.