I'm not sure what I think of this season's DWTS. There is no one that I particularly love or anyone that I can't stand (although, Pamela Anderson and Kate Gossling could easily fill that role if they stick around for too long). I'm enjoying watching the pros but the celebs do nothing for me. I'm not usually an Edyta fan but she looks amazing this season and I've enjoyed her choreography. She looks so great on the dance floor that I completely forget to watch her partner...maybe that's why he's getting low scores! Like Melissa Joan Hart, I had high hopes for Shannen, but it's just not coming together for her. Mark was unable to help Melissa, but maybe he'll be able to help Shannen. It's great seeing Ashly back on the show. She's one of my favorites, but I'm sure she won't be around for long. I'm predicting that Kate and Buzz will get booted tonight. I mean, Kate wasn't even doing the steps. I understand not getting technique, but you have to do the steps. I just don't see how she goes through if she's being judged by her dancing.

So I had my first gymnastics training on Saturday. I wanted to learn flips, but Eric wanted me to start with basics. Yick. I want to skip ahead to the hard stuff. Then he lectured me on how if you're teaching someone to dance you start with the basics. He has a point, but I'm not trying to become a gymnast. I'm just trying to learn some new moves for my freestyle - which I am determined to make happen.

My dance lessons in New York have just taken me to a whole new level. My technique has improved, my posture has improved, my creativity in terms of choreography has improved. It's amazing how in just a few months I am achieving a higher level. It's so exciting to push harder and see results.

The only weird thing is that now when I go to New York I know that Josh is there. I feel like I'm looking for him every place I go. I try not to think about it but the more I try not to, the more I do. Part of me thinks I should call him and just get it over with. I know we're going to see each other at some point. In fact, with Easter coming, it could be sooner than later. I'm just not ready...

I talked to Eric last night (dance partner from a few summers ago). He's going to teach me some gymnastic moves that I can use in my choreography. I'm planning for the freestyle in this summer's competition. I'm going to win again this summer. I've decided. I haven't won since I danced with Josh and I probably should be happy with that one win, but I want more. I want to win again and this is probably my last summer as a competitor so it has to be this year. I just hope my partner wants to win as badly as I do.

So I've decided that Josh being back in New York doesn't change anything. We're still broken up and moving on with our own lives. There's nothing to do or change. I just don't know why I haven't shared this news with Mark yet. I keep meaning to tell him. It feels like I'm doing something wrong by keeping it from him, but I also feel weird about telling him. I'm just going to have to get it out...one word after the other!

Natalie dropped a bomb on me. A two part bomb. Part 1: She's been dating Jason for months and it's serious. Part 2: As a result of this relationship she has found out that Josh has moved to New York. And she's seen him. Several times.

I was pissed at first. I'm trying to get over being mad. She says he's been writing me letters since I didn't want to talk to him, but I haven't received any letters. I don't know what to think. She said he hasn't called or visited me because he's not sure I want to see him. He also knows about Mark.

Honestly, I don't know what to think. I flipped out a Natalie. How could she hold out on me for so long? I know I insisted that I didn't want to talk about him, but she should have just blurted it out. She should have made me listen. Josh moving back East is a big deal. I'm so confused.

Plus I'm dating Mark now. What am I supposed to do? Just dump him because Josh is near by? Josh hasn't exactly made any romantic overtures. And maybe, just maybe, Mark is the guy for me. I don't have to pine for him. I don't have to worry that he's going to move 3,000 miles away. I like knowing where things stand. I know that Josh loves me, but he's always leaving. I just can't take it anymore.

Why is life always so complicated? Does boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy and girl live happily ever after even exist? With Josh it's high highs and low lows. With Mark, it's just a steady thing. That's what I need right now: a steady thing.

In Florida and enjoying a change in scenery. It's nice spending some time with my mom. We haven't really spent quality time together in a long time. I was so mad at her for a while but I'm working on forgiveness. I understand that she was doing the best she could do. I think things were harder for her than I realized. I'm starting to understand that now.

It's been nice to have sunshine and warm weather - although I hear it's not much cooler in Pennsylvania right now. Oh well, I'm enjoying it anyway. Nat and I went to Siesta Key yesterday. It was nice to just sit on the beach, feel that soft sand and watch the waves crash. Of course as I was sitting there my mind wandered to Josh. I had gotten pretty good at not letting that happen, but something about the atmosphere there brought him to the forefront of my mind.

Natalie noticed and asked if I was thinking about him. Then she asked if we could talk about him. I told her no and she pressed further. I told her no again. I don't want to talk about him and I don't want to know how he's doing or what he's up to. I can't because then I really start thinking about him. And the thing is that I'm dating Mark now. I want to date Mark. I want to fall for Mark. I know he's got a history as a player but he hasn't been that way these past months and I know we have a real connection. It doesn't make sense but between the two of them, Mark is the safe bet. That's what I need - a safe bet. I can't start walking about with Josh on the brain. All it takes is just a little bit of him and I'm hooked. There's a reason I've put up this wall.

Nat called me today and said she absolutely must speak with me tonight. She has something important that she has to tell me. I really hope she's not going to try to tell me something about Josh. I get the feeling that my friends all know something about him that they're not telling me. Maybe he has a girlfriend...I don't know. I don't want to speculate. I should focus on Mark.

Two and half more hours and Spring Break will be here! I can't wait. I'm heading down to Florida with Natalie. I'm hoping for some warm weather and sunshine. I'm tired of all the dreary weather.

So...I started dating Mark. I know I said I was going to keep it platonic, but Mark and I make sense. We get along great. We have chemistry and because we've both lost a parent we get each other in a way that other people don't. This is all new but I feel good about it. I feel lighter when I'm with him.

Dance lessons have been going amazing. I'm learning the Paso Doble! Mona has been talking about adding this to the competition so I decided I had better learn to dance it. I'm also finding that my fitness level is improving from all of the lessons. I've learned how to stretch differently and I can see a difference in my legs. They look leaner and more toned that before. I'm also noticing a difference in my abs. I wonder what my former ballet teacher would say if she saw me now. I'm just amazed at what can happen in just a few months when you're really working hard. I guess it's no wonder that the celebrities loose weight and get fit from DWTS!