In Florida and enjoying a change in scenery. It's nice spending some time with my mom. We haven't really spent quality time together in a long time. I was so mad at her for a while but I'm working on forgiveness. I understand that she was doing the best she could do. I think things were harder for her than I realized. I'm starting to understand that now.

It's been nice to have sunshine and warm weather - although I hear it's not much cooler in Pennsylvania right now. Oh well, I'm enjoying it anyway. Nat and I went to Siesta Key yesterday. It was nice to just sit on the beach, feel that soft sand and watch the waves crash. Of course as I was sitting there my mind wandered to Josh. I had gotten pretty good at not letting that happen, but something about the atmosphere there brought him to the forefront of my mind.

Natalie noticed and asked if I was thinking about him. Then she asked if we could talk about him. I told her no and she pressed further. I told her no again. I don't want to talk about him and I don't want to know how he's doing or what he's up to. I can't because then I really start thinking about him. And the thing is that I'm dating Mark now. I want to date Mark. I want to fall for Mark. I know he's got a history as a player but he hasn't been that way these past months and I know we have a real connection. It doesn't make sense but between the two of them, Mark is the safe bet. That's what I need - a safe bet. I can't start walking about with Josh on the brain. All it takes is just a little bit of him and I'm hooked. There's a reason I've put up this wall.

Nat called me today and said she absolutely must speak with me tonight. She has something important that she has to tell me. I really hope she's not going to try to tell me something about Josh. I get the feeling that my friends all know something about him that they're not telling me. Maybe he has a girlfriend...I don't know. I don't want to speculate. I should focus on Mark.