I feel a renewed energy from being back in the competition. We worked on the Cha Cha last night. Tonight Mark and I rehearse for the first time one-on-one. I’ve got my choreography figured out and I think it’s going to be a good number. After rehearsal we’re going to a party at Janine’s house (she’s another contestant). I’m really looking forward to it.

I feel like I’m getting back to myself. I’ve made it through the wilderness and I’m ready to get on with my life again. I don’t know if I’ll ever find another love like Josh, but I do know that I can’t spend my time sitting around feeling bad. It’s time to get back to the land of the living.

Mark made it through to the next round so it's official. I'm back in the game - at least for a week. We are doing the Cha Cha to "Mercy" by Duffy. Tonight we have a group lesson and then Mark and I start rehearsing our routine. I can't tell you how excited I am to be back in the competition. Mark started off strong but has wavered a bit the last two weeks. I'm hoping that I can get him to bounce back again.

I'm not in Vegas. I wanted to go but Natalie thought it was a little too close to Los Angeles and wasn't a good idea. I'm not 21 yet anyway so I guess it's a good thing.

It turns out that Jenna has to have two teeth pulled later this week so I'm going to be temporarily back in the dance competition and standing in for her for a week. Her partner is Mark, and he's known back stage as the "ladies' man." Interesting. He requested that I take Jenna's place so this will be interesting indeed. We'll be dancing a cha cha...well, that is of course if he makes it through to the next level. He always seems kind of preoccupied when I see him rehearse. He has phone calls coming in constantly. This might be a challenge for me.

I've been watching So You Think You Can Dance this summer. Why did I never watch this show before? It's great! I was really, really, really disappointed to see Janette go last week. I thought she was one of the best dancers on the show.

Matt and I got voted out of the competition last week. It sucks because I was really counting on dancing all summer. I'm doing a rumba/cha cha mix with JD this week and then Natalie and I are flying out to Las Vegas for a few days. Well, I hope so anyway. Nat hasn't fully agreed to this, but I'm hoping so. I really want to get away for a few days. I could really use a change of scenery and a place that isn't full of memories of me and Josh.

I'm still missing him. I wonder when - if ever - I'll stop. I mean, I have to move on eventually, don't I? How sad would it be if I spent my whole life pining for him? I keep reminding myself that people loose love all the time and get over it. I will just have to get over it too.

Ugh, dance rehearsals are not going well. Matt is a real estate agent which means that he doesn't have weekends off so we have to rehearse around his crazy schedule. I'm pretty flexible, but I don't feel like we're getting enough rehearsal in. He is late for our afternoon rehearsal, and I'm feeling pressured as our time slips away. He's the contestant so it's his choice, but I don't want him to look like a fool on Wednesday because he didn't rehearse enough.

So I'm sitting here at the dance studio now with no one to rehearse with. Jenna and her partner, Mark, are here rehearsing so I was watching them for a few minutes. They look really good. So do Damon and Lauren. I think Lauren feels a lot of pressure though, since Josh won two years ago. She wants to be just as good.

I spent a few hours hanging out with Lauren yesterday. Molly and I went over and lounged with Lauren around the Anderson's pool. It wasn't that weird to be there... I guess it's because Josh has never lived there and I don't have any memories of him there. We had a nice time and the Anderson's new house is amazing. I told Mrs. Anderson that I miss seeing her and she told me I could visit anytime I want. It was nice, but I don't see myself driving a half hour to drop in on my ex-boyfriend's mother.

Oh well. Damon and Lauren are just starting and Damon is asking me to help him help Lauren with some of the female styling so I should go. At least I'll be making myself useful until Matt shows up.

We made it on to the next week of competition. Matt and I are doing a swing this week. I decided to stick with the number I choreographed to "What Was I Thinking?" I'm a little nervous about it, because Matt wasn't picking up the swing steps real easily last night. We'll see how things go.

I spent the Fourth of July with my friends. Molly, Lauren, Alex, Lindsay, Jennifer, Henry and I went to the fireworks in town. We had a fun time, but I found myself missing Josh miserably. It's so frustrating because I felt like I was getting myself together again, and then something about the 4th of July just set me back to missing him like crazy. Aunt Lu plays this old song and it goes, "I get along without you very well except in spring..." and it goes on about how little things make the singer miss the absent lover. I feel like the singer. I'll be getting along very well and then something happens and I'm missing him all over again.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get over him. When you've had a relationship with a real life Prince Charming, how do you ever find someone new? I just can't imagine loving anyone else the way I love Josh.

Alright, time to stop this. It's not helping. I need to focus on dancing, classes and the studio. There is no use in sulking over something I can't change. It's a waste of energy and a waste of time.

I'm going dancing tonight with a bunch of the dance teachers from the dance studio. I can't wait. Eric, my dance partner from last year is coming along as well as some of this year's dancers. I think it's going to be a really good time.

I am struggling right now to figure out what to do with the East Coast Swing that I choreographed for our second dance of the competition. It's to Dierks Bentley's song, "What Was I Thinking?" In my head it's brilliant, but I'm not so sure how great it will look if Matt can't keep up. Part of me thinks I should find a slower song and save "What Was I Thinking" as a showcase performance for the Jive, but I don't want to petition for a new song and then have to redo the choreography. What to do, what to do? I guess I should hope that we get to week 2 before I start worrying about what song to do.

I had lunch with Henry today. He wants to bring dance lessons into the hotel he works at to bring locals into the hotel. He wants locals to come into the hotel so that they see how nice it is and then recommend it to visiting family members, etc. It's pretty smart. He asked if I could help him with it. I'm going to talk to Mona to see if we can do it as an extension of the dance studio - might as well getting marketing for our business too!

I've been working on the dance competition. We start our performance next week. My partner is a real estate agent named Matt. He's a nice guy, although I'm not sure how far he'll go. Right now we're working on a Fox Trot. We're dancing to "Beyond The Sea" by Bobby Darin.

So a lot has happened since I last blogged. Molly and I went out to California. We had a good time. We saw Josh while we were in LA. I told him I wanted to move out there. He told me it wasn't a good idea. He said he's working so much that we wouldn't even see each other, and he doesn't think I should give up the opportunity to buy the dance studio. He's right. I see that now, but it really stung when he told me. I miss him.

It's getting easier. I feel like the cloud around me is starting to lift. I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I'm going out with friends, taking summer classes and dancing. Molly thinks I should start dating, but I'm taking things one day at a time. I've come to terms with the fact that Josh and I can't be together, but I'm not quite ready to jump back into the dating pool. I've decided I'm not going to go looking for love. If I meet the right guy I'll give him a chance, but otherwise, I'm okay with being on my own.