Even after all of these years I still get goose bumps when he touches me. My heart still pounds, my knees get weak, my palms sweat and I fall in love with him all over again. That pretty much sums up my Saturday night with Josh. It wasn't just dinner. That much I know for sure.

He picked me up at Aunt Lu's and took me to what is probably the nicest restaurant in the area. It was obvious that he wanted this to be special and it was. The food and the atmosphere were amazing, but the best part was the company. All day I had been reminding myself to play it cool and that this was just dinner, but once I got there it was obvious that there was no need to play it cool.

Earlier in the week Alex had convinced Josh and I to change our after dinner plans to include a stop at Angelo's to see the Doo Wop guys perform. Neither of us were truly excited about going over there to be on display for the guys' fans to gawk at. I'm sure that's why Alex wanted Josh there...to be seen and to get people excited about the group that has lost it's main attraction.

We snuck in the back and found a table off to the side and amazingly we sat there eating dessert and talking without any interruptions. The guys started singing "I Only Have Eyes For You" and Josh insisted that we dance. I know I'm the Dancing Queen and all, but I really didn't want to go out on the dance floor and be noticed. Still, the song is part of our history and Josh was persistent so I let him drag me out to the dance floor. As soon as he pulled me into his arms I knew this wasn't just dinner. What I feel for him isn't just any ordinary love. There is still heat there and a flame that continues to burn on. He sang along to "you are here and so am I..." and those words seemed to just hang there as we both relished in the fact that that we were both in the same place at the same time.

We didn't stick around much longer after that. We'd done as promised. We'd shown up. The regulars had seen Josh there. He took me home and I invited him in hoping that we could talk but my mother was hanging around and I could tell she wasn't about to let us be. She was talking non-stop to Josh and I know why. She thinks it's a bad idea for us to be spending time together. She wants me to move on. Josh must have come to the same conclusion because he headed home with no chance for us to talk.

I was hoping to see him in church yesterday morning but he hasn't adjusted to East Coast time so he wasn't there. He called later in the afternoon and asked if he could stop by tonight. He's in New York so he'll be passing through on his way home. I'm really anxious to hear what he has to say. What exactly are we doing here? He moved to LA. There really is no future for us, and still, I can't bring myself to let him go. I don't even know how to let him go.