I went to Angelo's last night to listen to Josh play piano. I thought about dragging one of my friends along, but I wanted to be by myself. I just wanted to be able to sit there and enjoy the music without having to talk to anyone. He had a good set...he did some of the old songs he always does but he added a few new ones. He sang Michael Buble's "Home" and "You and I." Both of them pulled at my heart. There is something magical about him sitting down at that piano and singing a song.

After his set he said a quick "hello" to some of the regulars and then came over to sit with me. He asked what I wanted for dessert and I thought to myself, "You." Luckily I didn't say it out loud...thank God...totally something I would normally do! Of course the minute I thought it I blushed and he noticed. He asked what I was thinking and I said, "cheesecake." He shook his head and said, "I know you better than that, Nicole Bradford, and I'm pretty sure I'd be happy with whatever you were just thinking." I just smiled at him and said, "Too bad you'll never know." The waitress came over then and took our order for two slices of cheesecake.

After she left Josh turned back to me and said, "So that's how it's going to be?" I looked at him and told him that that's how it's going to be until I find out exactly what he's been doing the past few weeks...inviting me on dates when he knows we can't be together. He said, "what if we can?" I shook my head and started in on the whole no long distance relationship thing but he cut me off. He explained that he's been working on getting moved to New York. That's why he's been up there the past two days. He said nothing is happening yet but he thinks it will happen soon and if I can be patient he's sure he'll be home in the next few months.

I asked him why he didn't just tell me all of this. He said he's been trying to but there's always people around...first my mother, then a house full of people. He asked me if I'd think about it. Well, of course I'll think about it. I want to be with him...I'm just worried about how long it will be until he does come home. What if I say yes to this and it turns out he can't move back? What if he gets a better offer in LA? What if moving to New York kills his career? Will I be able to live with myself knowing that I'm the reason he moved back?

But oh how badly I want to be with him. He's the man I dreamed about as a little girl. He's everything I've always wanted. He's the sweetest, sexiest man I've ever know. He treats me with kindness and respect. He's one of the brightest lights in my life. There is nothing I want more than to be with Josh Anderson...but not if it's going to cost him. That's what I struggle with. I don't want to hold him back from his dreams.