Lauren and I picked Josh up last night at the airport. I was nervous...real nervous, but that didn't change the fact that my heart went wild the minute I spotted him. It amazes me that he can stir such an intense reaction in me...and it's just the sight of him.

I guess that's why I was so disappointed when I got home an hour ago to find out that Josh and Lauren had gone out with Jason. I rushed home from school to see them and they're not even here. I thought about trying to take a nap but I know I can't sleep. I didn't sleep at all last night. I was too worked up. My heart felt full and alive.

Last night was intense. After we left the airport we stopped at a diner for dinner. Josh and I have a running joke about Jersey being the diner state so it seemed appropriate. Lauren didn't seem right. I don't know. I can't pinpoint it, but considering what she's going through I didn't expect her to seem so upbeat.

After dinner I took them back to my place. Jason is in medical school so we knew he wouldn't be home until late. No one was home at my place either so it gave Josh a chance to talk to Lauren. We were trying to convince her that she needs to tell Alex. She kept refusing to call him. Josh looked very stressed...probably because I didn't call him when I had my pregnancy scare. Of course, I'm not pregnant, and if I were I would most definitely have called him - which I told him later when we had some time alone.

We even told her about my scare so that she would know that we understood how she was feeling. She said it wasn't the same, and that Josh is out of college and I'm almost out of college and he makes good money, blah, blah, blah, it would have ended happily ever after...Josh and I just looked at each other at that point. I would have given everything I own to know what he was thinking. We didn't really get anywhere with her.

Natalie and Amanda got home and looked pretty surprised to see Josh in our living room. I have to admit that I'm happy Molly is on a leadership retreat this weekend, because I didn't want to explain this to her. Finally, Jason showed up and that was the end of the evening. Well, except that Josh stuck around for a minute to apologize for Lauren dragging me into this. He said he hoped that his presence wasn't too much of a problem for me. I felt really bad and assured him that I was fine and I wanted to help Lauren all that I can. I reached out and squeezed his arm and he smiled at me, but he looked weary. I hope he's doing alright.

I wish they'd get back to that I can talk to them. I need to occupy myself somehow. I have tons of errands to run but I don't want to leave in case they return. What to do? What to do?