Just got a call from Lauren. Josh is on a flight home and will be at her party tomorrow night. I'm ready to see him. I can't put it off forever, and I miss him.

For the past week or so I've been dreaming about him at night. I wake up and I miss him so much. Maybe Mark was right when he said we never get over our first loves. I certainly haven't gotten Josh out of my system, and I feel like he'll forever be a part of me. I've wanted to move on, but we've been through so much. Six years of history is hard to ignore. He's been there for some of the best and worst times of my life. I guess it's only natural that I miss him. It doesn't necessarily mean that we should be together, but it does mean that I can't ignore him any longer.

The being together part will have to be determined later. I love him. I'll admit that, but right now there are more questions than answers. I need to figure things out. Why didn't he tell me that he'd be moving to NY? Why didn't he call? What has he been doing all of these months? Does he plan on staying in NY or will work take him back to LA? And what does he feel for me? Natalie says he wants to talk, and Lauren indicated that he was anxious to see me, so why no contact? I guess this will all come in time.

For now, I'll just focus on what's in my control...and that is looking smokin' hot when I see him tomorrow night. :)