Ugh. Things are not going well with Mark. It's over - which is a shame because he was a bright spot in a tough time. It may be for the best. I've been obsessing over whether I'll see Josh this weekend and that's probably a signal that I shouldn't be with Mark. It always comes down to the same thing: Josh. If I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I still love him. I care about Mark, and I hope with all my heart that he'll let me be a part of his life. But my feelings for Josh run so deep. I can't shake him. I wish I knew how he felt. Why hasn't he contacted me? That's the part I don't understand. I know Nat said something about letters but I never got them. Did they even exist?

I guess I just need to talk to him. I can't truly believe he doesn't want to talk to me. Look at this blog. It's 6 years of him and me - apart or together, he's always been kind. Probably kinder than I've been. I was just so angry when we broke up. I guess I'll have a better idea come Saturday night. Let's just hope he's there.