It’s amazing how opening up the lines of communication can help everything start to come out, and as things come out, healing occurs.

Josh and I have had some really great conversations this week. I finally told him how I got the letters that went missing after he moved back to the East Coast. He wasn’t happy that Molly had kept them from me, but I reminded him that this happened over five years ago and that I didn’t tell him back then because I didn’t want to ruin their friendship.

We also talked about my visit to his hospital room after this surgery. He brought this up. I thought he was unconscious when I poured my heart out to him but apparently he heard everything I said to him that night, he just didn’t know if it was real or a dream. I told him it was real, and he told me that he wished I had said it when he was more coherent. I get it, but that would have required way more courage than I had back then.

I realized as we talked that I had to let him off the hook for everything that happened in the past if we were going to have a future. I had to forgive and let go of all of the old grievances. I told him that I know it wasn’t his fault, that we were young and we both played our parts. I think a part of me always thought that I didn’t deserve him. He said, “You have to take me off the pedestal and let me be your partner.” Good point.

We agreed that we were going to appreciate the past, the laughter, the smiles, the experiences we shared, but this is a new start. We’ve been apart for five years and this is a good opportunity to reset and come together as two adults instead of two lovesick kids.

That said, I do feel lovesick for him. My heart longs for him with more intensity each second we’re together, but we have decided to take things slowly so that we can do it right.

On an unrelated, but still happy note, the doctor gave me the green light to start dancing again! Woo hoo!