Tonight is the night that Josh and I finally get to perform our routine to “Dear Future Husband.” I’m really disappointed that we didn’t get to do it as part of the competition, but at least we get to dance together on stage again.

Things have been a little weird. I feel like he’s keeping me at arm’s length - literally at arm’s length. We see each other a lot and we go out and have fun and laugh, but when it comes to being physically close he holds back. It makes me nervous about where he stands and that maybe he doesn’t feel as strongly for me as I thought he did...but the way he looked at me the night before Thanksgiving and the way he kissed me were so intense and I could feel his feelings for me. I just don’t understand why he is holding back so much. I feel like he touched me more before we started dating again. It’s frustrating. After so much time apart, all I want is to be close to him. I’m trying not to panic or jump to conclusions the way I would have when we were younger. I am trying to be mature about this and see how things play out.

Lauren got a new job and asked if she could rent out my second bedroom. I’m on the fence about it. I haven’t had a roommate since Lindsay moved out a few years ago. Part of me thinks it would be nice to have the company, but she’s Josh’s sister. Would it be too weird for him if he sleeps over and she’s in the next room? Of course, him sleeping over would have to mean he wants to be near me!

I do have a second apartment that’s been empty. I’ve mostly been using it as a space for my instructors to shower and change after their classes. I could offer that to her. It would be nice to have some extra income and it would be nice to not be alone in that building at night. Hmm...this could work!