I keep thinking about what I wrote yesterday...about me and Josh and the possibility that he's going to pull out the "can't we be friends?" line on me. And I just don't know how I'll take the blow if that happens. The more I think about him, the more I know I can't just go around pretending that we're not more than friends. I've been in his arms, in his thoughts, and in his heart. And he's in my dreams and prayers. He's a part of me every day, and it's because of all that we've shared. He's my first and only love. It's too powerful of a thing, and I just don't think I can be "just a friend."

I thought I'd spend the week agonizing over when he'd call, but I am almost dreading a call because I don't know what it will lead to. I think it's inevitable that some sort of defining of our relationship is in order. We had so much between us. I don't think we can maneuver our way back into each others' lives without some sort of conversation about where we stand.

I'm meeting Natalie in an hour for dinner on the other side of campus so I should start to get myself together. Maybe I can get her take on all of this. She's not as close to it and maybe she'll see things more clearly.