I wish I could focus on all the good in my life. Instead of being said, I wish I could lie awake at night thinking about how lucky I am that I have Aunt Lu, my mom, my grandparents...even my dad. I wish I could sit around thinking about how blessed I am. I have food to eat, a warm place to sleep. I have it so much easier than so many people, and yet all I can do is think about what I don't have.

We were talking in my philosophy class about how people focus so much on what they don't have. If people could just focus on what they do have, they would be so much happier.

And yet, here I sit, thinking about my broken heart and all of the bruises to my soul. It seems so petty to cry over Josh or sulk over the injustices of my childhood when there are people out there with much bigger problems, larger hurdles to get over, and obstacles at every turn.

I'm beginning to think that I'm just being self-indulgent. I spend so much time on my unhappiness. It's selfish and it's not getting me anywhere. Josh is living his life. It's time for me to start living mine. No more lip service. I really have to do this. I have to release him. If he's mine, he'll come back to me, but this sulking and crying over him is old. It's time to let it go.