I went to Barnes and Noble today to buy some books. I bought two by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. I heard she's the expert on death. I like the one I'm reading. It's helpful and she talks about death in a way that seems less scary. I just worry that it's so final and that my father will be gone forever.

Right now I'm just so angry about everything. I'm angry that he got sick just as we were getting our relationship on track. I'm angry that my mother is in Pennsylvania instead of here and helping me. I'm angry that I've had to give up everything to deal with this. I keep sitting around thinking how unfair it is, but life isn't fair. My father will attest to that.

My grandmother is making a big deal out of the premiere of "Dancing With The Stars." I think she wants me to have something to look forward to. I appreciate what she's doing, but it's not going to change anything. A TV show can't take away what's going on. I wish it could make me forget, but I don't think it can.