It's been a weird day. I went to class early this morning and then I got home and met with my father's lawyer. We were going over the estate. I'm the executor and his medical power of attorney. We went over his living will so that I know what his wishes are when he can't speak for himself anymore.

I really wish my mom was down here to deal with this. It's so much to deal with. I have my grandparents here and we've hired a nighttime nurse to take care of my father, but I'm still struggling.

My grandmother is giving me a hard time because I can't eat. I eat, but not a lot. I can't help it. I have no appetite. And why should I? I'm devastated that my father is dying and I'm heartbroken about cutting Josh out of my life.

I want to call him and tell him the truth but it's too soon. I have to wait until I know he's really settled in before I let him know what's really going on. It feels like torture not telling him...letting him think that I walked away for no good reason. All I can do is hope that he'll forgive me when he finds out the truth. And hope that I can last that long without him.