It's my birthday and it sucks. In the past week my life has been completely turned upside down. I've been trying so hard to process it all, but I'm not doing so well. My dad's health has taken a dramatic turn for the worse. I'm moving to Florida for a while to be with him. I could be there for a few weeks or a few months. It depends on how long he lives.

I knew that if I told Josh this he would insist on coming with me. I can't have him following me to Florida. It wouldn't be right. That would mean giving up his dream and I couldn't let that happen so I broke up with him. Maybe once things are more settled I can tell him the truth, but right now I need him to go to Nashville. And most importantly I need him to be happy and have everything that he deserves.

He hates me right now which makes this all so much more horrible. All of my friends think I've gone off the deep end. I don't blame them. One day I was planning to move to Nashville to be with him and the next I'm breaking up with him and providing no real explanation what so ever. The only person who knows what's really going on is Natalie, and she thinks I'm insane. She says I need Josh right now.

She's right. I do need him right now but I love him too much to let him give up everything to follow me to Florida. It's just better if he doesn't know until after he's in Nashville.

So tonight I'll put on a brave face and go out to "celebrate" my birthday, and then on Saturday I'll board a plane for Florida to help my father and grandparents through whatever is to come.