Arrrghhhhhh! Why won't he leave my subconscious alone????????? Okay, I know that Josh isn't really trying to creep into my subconscious, but he is...like every night! Last night I dreamed that he showed up at my door with two big suitcases and told me he was moving home. He told me that he couldn't live without me and then he pulled me into his arms and just as we were about to kiss I woke up. Damn it! I stared at the clock. 1:37 a.m. and groaned because I knew I had several more hours of sleep leaving me wide open for more Josh dreams. I had a second dream that I don't remember as vividly. It didn't seem to have a story to it like the first one did. I just know that I was at some sort of party and Josh was there and we kept looking at each other but we never connected.

It's just so annoying. He's out of my life, but he's still stuck in my head. No, it's more than that. He's in my blood, in my heart and in my head and it runs so deep that I can't shake him. Even my little crush on Bill doesn't seem to be enough to crush my love for Josh.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here. Maybe I should be in Southern California. I get so confused. I shouldn't even be thinking about Southern California. Josh didn't think it was a good idea for me to move there. Maybe he really doesn't love me as much as I love him. Damn that dream for forcing him on me again. I'm better when I'm not thinking about him. I have to keep moving on.