I am finally feeling like myself again. I have got to rev up my immune system because I don't want to spend the winter sick. That was miserable.

So Friday night was...weird. It was really more than that, but weird is the best way to describe it. I had dinner with Lauren, Alex, Jason, Natalie, Molly and Josh. When I saw him I was both happy and sad. He gave me a big hug and seemed so happy to see me. I melted into that hug and wanted to stay there as long as possible. I knew there wouldn't be too many more of those hugs.

We had dinner and it was awkward. I knew about the conversation that was coming but he didn't. It just felt so weird. I was trying to enjoy myself, but I kept thinking, "things will never be the same again." It was such a strange feeling.

After dinner we went back to Nat's to play Wii. Josh noticed I was acting weird and asked if I was okay. I told him I was but that I needed to talk to him. When we got the chance we broke away from the group and went to my room to talk.

We sat down and I explained to him what has happened since Las Vegas. I told him about the pregnancy scare. He said all of the right things..."why didn't you call me?" "You know I would have been there for you." "I'm so sorry you went through that by yourself." I wouldn't have expected anything less, but that's the problem. I explained to him that there was a part of me that wished I were pregnant, because I know him and I know he would have moved home to be with me.

He was silent for a minute, and then he said, "Yes, I would have. Why is that a bad thing?" It's not. I explained that, and told him what is a bad thing is that I would have used that baby to trap him. He argued that I can't trap someone who wants to stay. Then I explained to him that the problem is with my intention not with what he would have done. My intention was that I wanted him to move home and stay regardless of whether or not that is what he wanted.

We were both pretty exhausted at this point. He told me that he's been trying to get transferred to a project in New York and nothing has come through. He told me that he hates LA and is homesick all the time so he does nothing but work, work, work. He said he has all of these friends from college who were music majors who can't get jobs. He's afraid to move home without work lined up. I understand it. It's rough out there, and he's got a dream job and he's making tons of money. I understand why he doesn't want to leave that right now.

I told him that I'm having a really hard time moving on, that I'm lonely for him all the time and that it's not good for me. He nodded, but I'm not sure if he was really agreeing with me. He seemed like he was somewhere else. I quickly got his attention though when I explained that I need some time without him in my life. He didn't like that, but I made my case. I simply cannot get over him when he keeps popping up every few months. I cannot get over him when I'm facebook stalking him or getting phone calls and emails here and there. I told him that I need a clean break...at least for a while.

After some conversation he finally agreed. No contact for a while. He said he didn't like it, but he'd do it because he loves me and he wants me to be happy. Then he gave me one of the sweetest kisses, lingered there for a minute, and then pulled away and left. I haven't heard from him since, and I know I won't. Josh is very good about keeping his word.

Saturday sucked, but Sunday was easier, and Monday was even easier than Sunday. I know I've made the right decision. I can't keep holding on to yesterday. It's time to move forward towards tomorrow.