I'm finally feeling better. I'm still shaken by what happened, but I consider myself lucky since I got off easy. Josh is in town and I'm supposed to see him tonight. I'm so nervous. I need to tell him that I'm cutting him off. I just can't have him in my life right now. It's too hard for me to let go.

I'm so torn up because the thought of not having him in my life makes me so sad, but then I think about how sad I am by holding on to him. This is for the best. I know that. Molly, Natalie, Amanda and I have discussed this at length and they agree. I just wish it weren't this way. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone, and he's always been so good to me. If it weren't for the 3,000 miles between us...but I can't focus on that. I just have to focus on moving on with my life so that I can enjoy it and be happy. No more pining for Josh. I was doing so great before Vegas. I have to get back to that, and to do that I can't have Josh in my life anymore.