I'm freaking out. I know I'm freaking out but I can't stop myself. Josh is leaving again in a week and I'm freaking out. I just can't go through it again. He says it's only for a few weeks but I'm scared. Every time he goes, he takes a piece of my heart with him and I'm left heart broken. What if he doesn't come back? What if he gets out there and they convince him to stay?

Lets face it, his father is better. He doesn't have to stay home anymore. They convinced him to stay last winter when he was planning to leave. I just can't take the disappointment again. I've been holding him off at arm's length all summer because I'm scared.

I wish I knew what to do because I can't seem let myself go and be open to him.