I’m back in Pennsylvania. I got to Florida, and instead of feeling like I could clear my mind, I felt panicked - like leaving was going to be the very end of me and Josh for ever. I moped around for a few days. Lindsay mentioned that Josh was over at Aunt Lu’s house last weekend cleaning her gutters and it made me so sad that he would help her even though he and I aren’t together. On Thursday I worked up the courage and Facetimed him. We talked for a few minutes and I apologized for taking off. He agreed that we could talk some more when I got home.

I hopped a plane the next day and was home that night. Josh came over last night to talk. I told him how disappointed I was that he had to leave the dance competition and that I wanted him to stay in it so that we could stay connected. He said that we didn’t need the competition to stay connected and that he didn’t enter it to win a trophy, he entered it to win me.

He then went on to say that I was right that we didn’t know how to be in an adult relationship, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. He said he needed time to sort it out, but that we could keep talking. So that’s where we left things.

I’m not feeling that good about it. I feel like I’ve lost him. I feel like I had his interest and now I’ve lost it, and I don’t know how to fix it. And I don’t know how we fall in love as adults and put the teenage romance behind us.