Josh and I had an explosive fight Wednesday night. It was bad. I was still mad at him for pulling out of the competition and then all of this stuff from the past came up. I was just so infuriated with him for all of the times he has left me to go to New York, or England or California. I was yelling at him, and then he started yelling at me about how he moved mountains to come home and put down roots here but it was “too little, too late” for me.

It was spiraling downward quickly and I found myself accusing him of breaking promises. He said that was “bull shit” and I reminded him how we promised that we’d always be together at Christmas but he broke the promise. Now all of this stuff was pre-2010 so I don’t even know why we were fighting but we were both so mad.

I finally said, “I can’t do this. I can’t do it, Josh. I can’t revert back to that old person that I once was. I don’t think we can have an adult relationship.” So we ended things...things that had barely begun.

Yesterday John called again and asked if I could come down to Florida for a few days to help out with a few financial decisions that we need to make. I figured “why not?” it’s not like I have a dance competition to be in anymore. I can’t teach any of my dance classes right now because of my ankle so I agreed to go.

I sent Josh a text and told him, “I’m going down to Florida for a bit.” We ended things so I thought I was being considerate by letting him know. He texted me back, “Sure, run away...again.”

He showed up at my door a couple hours later and apologized for our fight, but then got mad at me when I told him that I was still going to Florida. I tried to explain to him that it was only for a couple of weeks. He was acting like I was moving away forever. “You always just run away when things get tough,” he said.

I was really ticked. Yes, I have run away in the past, but it was after years of him coming and going. I just need time to think without him around. I’m in Florida now at my mom’s house and that’s what I plan to do...get some time and perspective.