Nathan Anderson was born on Monday! Of course he was upstaged by the royal baby's birth, but to us, he is just as much a prince.

Josh has been home with me this week but heads back to work on Monday. I'm a little nervous about taking care of a baby by myself, but in a month Josh will be off for the summer, and I know I'll have my mom, Aunt Lu and the Anderson women around to help me out too.

This mom stuff is new and will probably take some getting used to, but I don't think I ever knew how deep love could be until he was born. Life is good. 💗

Greetings! I had meant to start blogging more regularly after my last post, but things got really crazy. We got home from our month at the beach and we got an offer on our house, which was not for sale. The original owner's son wanted to buy it and was willing to pay well above market value for it. We would have been fools to turn it down so we sold it to him. We're living in my apartment over the dance studio right now while we figure out what we're going to do next.

In the midst of moving, I suddenly began to feel really tired and sick. I had no idea what was going on and was scared because I had never felt so awful in my life. I went to the doctor and the next day it was confirmed that I'm pregnant! Baby Anderson is scheduled to arrive in early May!

I spent most of my first trimester feeling really sick, but in the past few weeks I'm feeling better. I've got a nice little baby bump, which Josh thinks is adorable. I just hope he still thinks it's adorable when I'm 35+ weeks pregnant.

We just told our families a couple weeks ago. We got everyone together for dinner and gave them a copy of the first ultrasound pictures. There was a lot of excitement. My mom and Sky were pretty emotional. I have a feeling that this baby is going to be very spoiled by his/her grandmothers.

Lindsay is also pregnant. She is due in February so she's several months ahead of me, so it's nice to kind of get a real time heads up on what is coming.

That's the big news of the day! It's an exciting time in our lives.

Happy Summer!

We are down at the Anderson's beach house for the month. Josh had some offers to work this summer, but we decided that a benefit of his teaching career is enjoying some time off so that's what we decided to do. It feels really nice to have a prolonged stay at the beach. I miss having constant access to the sand and salt air.

It's going to be an interesting couple of days coming up. Lauren decided she wants to spend the long holiday weekend at the beach with her boyfriend (still Patrick...), and since this house belongs to the family, we had to agree to let them come. Josh has slowly gotten used to Patrick being around but 5 days of togetherness is a lot. On top of that, Josh had invited Keith to come down for the weekend. Keith asked if he could bring his girlfriend and we were okay with that, but then we found out his girlfriend is Laura - the Laura that followed Josh to England and tried to make me think they were together. So we've got my ex and Josh's biggest fan from 2007 coming to spend the weekend. Should be interesting...

The last time I saw Laura I kind of lied to her. It was the week after Thanksgiving in 2013 and Josh and I had just kissed at Natalie's party during a Jenga game. He had asked me to go look at the Christmas lights at a place near our house. We were walking around looking at lights and doing some window shopping. He was looking at something and I ran into Laura. She saw that I was with Josh and made a comment about us as a couple and I didn't correct her. I guess I didn't technically lie, but I let her believe that Josh and I were together. I hope that doesn't come up!

The last time I saw Lauren and Patrick, there was also some drama. It was Father's Day and we were at the Anderson's house. I ended up in the kitchen after dinner with the two of them and they were trying to get me to convince Josh that their relationship was a good thing. I've been really supportive of them, even to the point in getting in a couple fights with Josh, and I had decided I wasn't going to do it anymore. I politely asked them to back off but Lauren kept pushing and I lost it. I told her that if the three of them insisted on making me take sides, I'd have to pick Josh's side because I am always on Josh's side. That stopped her from pushing but the rest of the night was strained and I was annoyed.

And then there is Keith...Josh's college roommate that has never been super warm and friendly to me.

Yeah, should be a great weekend! :)

The Full Moon party ended up being quite the evening. Josh and I got there and Lauren showed up with Patrick. She broke up with her boyfriend and apparently is now dating Patrick.

This set Josh off big time. During the time that Josh and I were broken up, Patrick and I had a casual relationship. He lived in Florida and I was in Pennsylvania so it was never serious, but we would get together when we were in the same state. It started in the spring of 2013 after Josh's father got his new heart. I had hoped that Josh and I would get back together. We were so close during that time, but Josh wanted to focus on taking care of his parents and didn't feel that he could start a relationship at that time. Patrick happened to be around and we started seeing each other.

One night we walked over to Angelo's to pick up take out and we bumped into Josh as we were walking out. Josh started to give me a hard time about being with Patrick and we ended up having a big fight in the parking lot. I told him that he couldn't decide not to be with me and then give me a hard time for being with someone else. I told him that it hurt me too much to have him coming in and out of my life. He backed off after that and didn't say another word about Patrick.

So seeing Patrick set Josh off and he told Lauren about my former relationship with Patrick which got her all upset. We all ended up leaving the party. Josh and I went home and he was all worked up over Lauren dating "this guy."

It look me hours to talk him down and convince him that Patrick was always just a casual relationship to me. I mean, I'm kind of surprised that I even have to convince him. Josh has always been the one, and I live in our house with him, and I have his last name, and how can he even be worried about Patrick?

So on Saturday mornings I teach an early morning fitness class and then I grab a shower and meet Josh in town for breakfast or coffee. We started this little weekly routine because our lives can be hectic and it's a nice time for the two of us to just sit down and talk. Well, this morning we're sitting at breakfast and Lauren barges in and sits down with us and starts asking us to bless her relationship with Patrick!

Ugh. So much for a nice morning with my husband. This got him all worked up again and they were having a heated discussion. There were a lot of power outages in the area yesterday and today because of a storm that came through so the place was packed and it was becoming a little embarrassing. We all ended up leaving the restaurant ticked off.

I'd really like to ask Patrick what he's thinking, but I feel like it would make things worse. I also can't blame Josh for being upset that Patrick is around, because I'm sure I'd be unhappy if Laura came back into our lives.

Hello readers! Winter has been slow - which I think it how it's supposed to be so I'm not complaining. We've had a few nice snow days which means that I got to loaf around the house with Josh, watch movies and just enjoy being inside.

On Monday I'm heading down to Florida with John to meet with the employees in our Sarasota office. I'm looking forward to enjoying the warm weather. Natalie is coming with me so at least I'll have some fun too.

Arie is getting married in April so I'll be headed down again next month. Josh will be with me on that trip and it will be all fun so I'm looking forward to that trip a little more.

We are trying to figure out our plans for the summer. I want to get some travel out of my system. Josh has baby fever and I told him I don't want to get pregnant until we have a little more time together, just the two of us. I really do want to have a family with him, but I'm a little scared. It's such a big deal to have a baby and it freaks me out. I just have a hard time imagining myself as someone's mom. And I didn't have the best parents so what if I screw up the kids? I'm sure Josh will make up for it, but still... I'm sure he'll be an amazing father.

We are going over to Josh's aunt's house tonight. She is throwing another one of her full moon parties. I told Josh he has to come along this time. I'm not sure he really wants to go but he's being a good sport about it. Lauren and her boyfriend are going to be there so it won't be a bunch of women.

Well, that's all for now...

Christmas is almost here and it's been a busy December. I love this time of year. It's so magical and has been special for Josh and me. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary on the 10th...the best day of my life.

Weddings are a big deal and they take up all of your time and they are exhausting so I never took the time to write about it. It seems kind of funny when you consider that I've documented so much of our relationship. It was a great day, but it was also like walking through a dream. I always wanted to become Mrs. Joshua Anderson, but I don't think I actually believed it would happen. When I got to the aisle and I saw him standing at the other end, it was like this crazy moment where your dream world collides with reality. It was a weird moment where I could sense all of my wishes merging with what really was.

My mom and Aunt Lu walked me down the aisle. I had a sad moment thinking about my dad. I think he would have been happy that Josh was my groom. I think my dad really had a lot of respect for Josh. My mom wanted to walk me down the aisle, but I felt like Aunt Lu should be there too. She did so much for me, and gave me a safe place to just be when it felt like there weren't many safe places. It was good to have them both with me.

Our ceremony was short and sweet, which was good because I was emotional and I don't think I could have handled it had it gone on for too long. I cried all through my vows (happy tears! happy!).

Our reception was so much fun. I don't think anyone would be surprised to hear that there was lots of dancing and singing. The Doo-Wop crew sang a few songs. Alex sang "To The Aisle" and Josh sang "This I Swear" and of course I cried again during that one!

Natalie was my matron of honor and Lindsay and Lauren were the bridesmaids. All three of them gave a speech together along with Jason and Alex. They shared "the moments they realized Josh and Nicole were in love." A few other guests also jumped in and shared some things. It was really sweet. Mrs. Anderson said that she saw Josh and I sitting together in her living room one night and we were laughing hysterically and that was the moment she knew. The stories were really touching.

It was a great, and it's been an amazing first year of marriage. I love him more with every day that passes. When we were kids, we had mad infatuation, crazy hormones, intoxicating high moments, and excruciatingly painful low moments. I'm glad I got to have that young love experience with a great guy, but I am even more thankful that we've grown up and have a really solid, low drama marriage. Sorry if that makes for a boring blog...

I have been trying to figure out a surprise for Josh for our anniversary. I knew I wanted to go somewhere so I was trying to figure out where, and as I was thinking about it, I finally remembered the last kiss!

If you've read this blog, you may recall that when Josh and I finally started to get back together, I was obsessing a little bit over our last kiss. I couldn't remember it. I didn't know when it was but the other day as I was brainstorming places that would be significant to him, it came to me!

It was Thanksgiving weekend 2013 - yep, during our break up, which could have been why it wasn't coming to me when I kept thinking back on 2010. And I didn't really consider it a real kiss because we were kind of forced to kiss.

We were at Nat and Jason's house the night after Thanksgiving. Natalie had made her own version of "truth or dare" Jenga. She wrote all sorts of things on the blocks and as you pulled them out, you either had to do something stupid or answer the question. I typically hate these games but my friends all seem to love them so of course we played.

Josh went first and the block he pulled asked him, "what is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?" He glanced at me and said, "One time a great girl I know bought a date with me in a bachelor auction." Immediately my interest in this game went up.

Most of the blocks we pulled were pretty innocent and kind of dumb, but I pulled one that said, "Where is the most interesting place you've had sex?" I told them it was camping and everyone gave me a hard time and said that wasn't interesting. Natalie looked at Josh and said, "Where is the most interesting place?" He looked surprised and it had been three years at that point since we'd been together. He told her he didn't know and Natalie was like, "you probably know." I was embarrassed and blurted out, "the swim club!"

Henry's face was priceless and he said something like, "Please tell me it wasn't while you were working for me." Of course it was and he knew it. Josh jumped in and tried to defend us a little by explaining it was after the club closed and no one was around but Henry was still mortified and everyone was hysterical laughing at his response. I'm kind of laughing to myself as I sit here remembering it.

The next block Josh pulled was a dare. "Kiss someone in the room." I remember him not looking too happy with that block and I remember not being real happy. Both of us hate kissing games because it's not fun being forced to kiss someone you don't want to kiss. It's also not fun watching someone you are into kiss someone else. I was surprised at how much I didn't want to watch him kiss someone else, and I wondered if it would be obvious for me to look away. I really didn't realize until that moment how much it would hurt to see him kiss someone. I remember him looking at me and saying, "You are the only person in this room that I've ever kissed and I'd kind of like to keep it that way. Do you mind?" I must have responded affirmatively because he walked over to me and I stood up to kiss him. I was relieved that he wasn't going to kiss someone else and terrified of what I'd feel when he kissed me. It was wonderful though and I knew that it was lasting longer than it should have, but it felt so good to be kissing him again and toward the end he changed the angle of the kiss and my heart went wild. How did I forget about this?

He thanked me and then sat down. The game continued but my head was still in the kiss. I was both intoxicated by it and mad at myself for letting him rock my world so easily. More blocks were pulled...can't remember any of them now. I was just going through the motions trying to figure out what had happened...a kiss after all of those years...

He pulled another block. Again he looked annoyed as he read it, "What was your most memorable sexual experience?" At this point he started arguing with Natalie about how dumb and inappropriate this game was. "That experience was between me and the person I had it with and I don't care to share it with all of you." All I could think was that he wasn't talking about me. If it had been with me, he would have shared it, but it wasn't about me. It was about someone else. I couldn't take it anymore. First a kiss that woke up my heart and then a huge blow to it.

I told them I was leaving. I got up, grabbed my jacket and was out the door. Natalie followed me out and tried to convince me to stay but I was done. I told her to go inside. I was walking toward my car when I heard his voice behind me, "You. Me. Your 21st birthday celebration in Las Vegas. And it's still none of their damn business."

I turned around and looked at him and told him I thought he was trying to protect my feelings. He told me he wasn't - that he just didn't want to share that moment with them. We talked for a little while about Las Vegas and I'm not going to share those details either, because I agree with him that some things are better kept between the two of us. It reminded me how special that trip was.

So it was that moment with the discussion of Las Vegas that got me thinking that maybe he and I should go back there for our anniversary. And it was that conversation that reminded me about the kiss we had that night. A kiss that may or may not have been real. But it was "the last kiss," the one that I couldn't remember until now.

I've had an interesting few days. Friday night Josh was down in Atlantic City so I went to his aunt's house for a Fall Equinox Celebration. His aunt is a psychic and I must say this party was different from any other party I've experienced from the Anderson family. Lauren, Lindsay and I went together and it was mostly women there. His aunt had a gigantic bonfire going and tons of fall foods - apples, pumpkin soup, pumpkin bread, squash, cider, etc. We did a gratitude and balancing ritual. It was pretty fun, but again, I must say it wasn't anything I've ever experienced before. Lauren said her aunt does these parties every equinox and solstice.

By the time Josh got home Saturday, I was missing him pretty badly. He always invites me to go along on his gigs, but I don't really care that much for Atlantic City so even though I missed him, I was happy to stay behind. It gave me a chance to hang out with Lauren Friday night and I ended up sleeping at her place after the party and then doing some work at the dance studio Saturday morning.

Josh took me out to dinner Saturday night and I asked him if he'd gone to his aunt's parties. He laughed and told me that his father used to take him, but his mom didn't really like it. He said his mom politely tolerates all of the new age stuff his aunt talks about, but she prefers the Church over bonfires and dancing under the moon.

Interesting...I've spent my whole life going to church, and while I like the community and the rituals, I have to say that dancing around the bonfire with a bunch of cool women was way more fun.

On Sunday we went to dinner at Josh's parent's house. They've asked me to call them by their first names now that I'm an Anderson too, but it feels so weird. They have been Mr. and Mrs. Anderson to me since 2004 and now I'm supposed to call them Mike and Skyler? I'm trying to get used to it.

The weather has been so nice that Josh and I went over there early and took advantage of the pool. I was really glad that Mr. Anderson, er...Mike, decided not to close it at Labor Day like most people around here do. They got a whole extra month out of it.

We were there to see his parents but also to meet Lauren's new man. She's been dating him for a couple of months now, and we figured he must be special when she announced that she wanted to bring him to her parents' house for dinner. His name is Chad and he seems really nice, but not what I was expecting. I always picture her with Alex and he's nothing like Alex. Alex is very much the artist musician and Chad is very much a Wall Street kind of guy. He was wearing a polo shirt and blazer and looked very Connecticut. I don't know how else to describe it except that I could see him fitting in very well with Mrs, I mean Skyler's side of the family...maybe not so much with the psychic aunt on the Anderson side though.

As we were leaving Josh told Chad that he'd like to get to know him better and that we should all go out for dinner some night. I said, "how about this coming weekend?" Josh said, "No, you and I are going away for a romantic weekend."

So here it is Thursday and he's keeping the location of our romantic weekend a surprise so I have no idea where we're going. I don't really care. I love that I married a man that plans surprise romantic weekends.

A couple weeks after my last post, Josh's agent called and offered him a job in California for the summer. I had freaked out previously about him going out there so he wasn't even going to mention it to me, but somehow it came up in conversation and after talking about it, we decided to spend the summer in California. It ended up being really great.

We hit the road as soon as his school year ended and took a leisurely approach to getting there. We went down to my grandparents' house in Tennessee and then drove across route 40. It was a really great trip.

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed spending the summer in California. We rented a small condo in Santa Monica so I was able to spend time at the beach during the day when Josh was at work. I was also able to hang out with Molly, which ended up being really good for getting our friendship back on track. Mostly though, it was just good to relax and not be so worried about the two businesses.

Josh and I talked a lot about it and we agreed that I should let John run my dad's company until he retires and then I'll hire someone new. I'm just not interested in being the president of the company. That world would not suite me and I'd have a hard time balancing that job with a family, which is something we hope to have in a few years. I have a lot of help and flexibility with the dance studio so I'm going to refocus my efforts there.

I was worried about going to California and being by myself a lot because Josh's schedule can be crazy when he's working on a project, but it wasn't too bad. I took some dance classes while we were there and I found all of the farmer's markets. I did a ton of cooking and I spent as much time as possible sitting on the beach.

One night we were both sitting on the beach, just relaxing and talking and I mentioned that I should have moved out there to be with him many years ago when I had the chance. Somehow we ended up talking about what it would have been like if we had tried the long distance relationship thing and I mentioned that I had always fantasized that we'd meet halfway in Chicago for romantic weekends.

A couple days before we were to start our drive back to Pennsylvania, John called and said he thought I should fly back to New Jersey for a company meeting. I had told him that I didn't want to be president/CEO and we decided that it would be a good idea to create a board of directors that I would be the chair of. That way I'd have oversight without being involved in the day-to-day. He felt it was important for me to be at the meeting, and I agreed with him. I was feeling pretty bad about leaving Josh to drive across country by himself, so I drove with him to Denver and then hopped a flight to Newark.

The meeting went well and it was good that I was there, but I felt bad about Josh driving home by himself. I got home that night after the meeting and found an envelop at the front door. I opened it and found a ticket to Chicago inside. With it was a note that said, "Let's have our romantic weekend in Chicago."

Two days later I was on my way to Chicago. We had an amazing time. I don't know how he did it, but Josh planned it as if we were meeting halfway for a romantic weekend. It really felt like I had imagined it would be, except that it was a million times better because when the weekend ended, we both got in the car together and drove home. No going separate ways.

Busy day - I'm working both jobs. Telecommuting from the dance studio. Hectic. I need to figure out where I'm going to focus my energies. Josh and I went out for brunch yesterday and had a long conversation about this. He thinks I'm burning my candle from both ends. Of course I think he is too - he's got this Friday night gig in Atlantic City every week for the next three weeks and he's going to start recording the spa album at night down in Philly. Between my two jobs and his three jobs, we're not going to see much of each other until May.

This past Friday was the just the beginning of it and it was really hard. I had a girl's night at my house to keep me occupied, but after everyone left I found myself missing him like crazy. Ugh...I never thought that we'd be married and still missing each other.

But back to my two jobs...I'm just not feeling passionate about either one. I'm grateful for my dad's company - it makes a lot of money, but it's not work that I live to do. The dance studio does okay. It's not as lucrative as my dad's business, but I was doing pretty well there. Of course, I lived in the upstairs apartment so I had no rent for years and that helped. It has been a good business, but I'm tired. I've lost my excitement for it.

I'm at a point where I feel like I need to make some decisions. Not right now, but in the future, I'd like to bring children into the equation and that doesn't seem like a possibility right now with all of the running around we're doing.

I've been thinking a lot about the fight that Josh and I had last week. For a long time I always felt like I'd get my footing and then the rug would be pulled out from under me. I know that's why I got scared about him going to California, but I am trying to remind myself that we're not in that space anymore. We made a promise to each other that we'd be in this as adults. I broke that promise big time last week. I reverted back to my crazy, teenage self and that wasn't fair. I don't want him to feel like he's married to a teenager. It's time to put on my big girl pants and start acting like a grown up!

Speaking of being a grown up...running two businesses is becoming overwhelming. My mom is managing the dance studio but it's still my business and I need to be involved. Actually, I'm finding myself missing it. I was becoming bored with it, but now that I'm no longer there on a regular basis, I really miss it.

The corporate world seemed so fascinating when I was working in Florida and just shadowing John, but now that I'm part of it on a daily basis, I'm just not loving it. I'm so torn about what to do. I could leave it for John to run without me, but I know he wants to mentor me so that it can be my business.

Josh is a teacher, so he wants me to be free to travel during the summer. His parents bought a house down in Bethany a few years ago and I know he'd like us to spend time down there during the summer. That is hard to do when you are running two businesses. And neither of those businesses feel like the right fit for me.

Josh has a gig tonight down in Atlantic City so I am having a girl's night at the house. It's a family girl's night - my mom, his mom, his aunt, Lauren, Aunt Lu, Lindsay and Aunt Linda. It should be a fun night!

Josh and I had our first big fight of our marriage. His agent called last night. He was upstairs and I saw his cellphone ringing and saw who it was and I picked up. I told his agent not to call and that Josh was not going to California this summer so he should just stop calling. Then I hung up, turned around and saw Josh standing in the doorway with a horrified look on his face.

We got into a big argument because I assumed he was making plans behind my back, and he was made at me for jumping to conclusions and for being rude on the phone. It turns out that his agent is trying to get him a deal to record one of those spa cd's with piano music and it can be done from a studio in New York or Philadelphia.

I guess I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I was so emotional about it last night. We're married now and I know our relationship is solid, but the thought of him going away for a few months, or even dragging me along for a few months made me so upset. I really didn't like being in California when I've gone out there in the past.

This morning before work, he apologized and said that he understands why I'd be upset - he's got a track record of moving away and he feels responsible for me being scared about it. He also reminded me of a few conversations we've had. He promised me last year that I would have a say from now on and that he wouldn't go anywhere without me. He also reminded me of a conversation we had when he visited me in Florida a year and a half ago. I was living there for about nine months to run my dad's business.

It was right before I moved back to Pennsylvania. Josh, Natalie and Jason were visiting and Josh and I were sitting out by the pool late into the night talking. Somehow we got on the conversation of the worst days of our lives. His worst day was the first time we broke up. My worst day was when I told him I wasn't moving to Tennessee with him and I broke up with him. It was when my dad was sick and it was a truly agonizing experience on all levels. I started to cry as I remembered it and he was hugging me.

After a few minutes I wanted to snap out of it. I said something like, "Why are we discussing our worst days? Let's focus on our best days. You go first." He shook his head and said that he shared his worst day first and that I would have to go first this time. I didn't want to. I didn't want to share with him that my best days all involved him - I mean, what if his best days didn't involve me? We went back and forth for a few minutes and then he called me out. He knew exactly why I didn't want to go first. I remember it so clearly...he said, "Two things: First, if your best day didn't involve me, you would just tell me what it is. Second, my best day does involve you - in fact all of my best days involve you - so you can stop worrying."

I remember feeling so torn apart in that moment. If our worst days were about being apart, and our best days were about being together, should I say something? My defenses were down so I said it, "If our best days are about us being together, why aren't we together?" He looked me in the eyes and said, "Because I'm the idiot that keeps moving away, or screwing things up. I never should have gone to Tennessee. I never should have gone to California. I should have stayed in your world, and I'm really sorry that I wasn't smart enough to realize that." It was that moment that I decided to return to Pennsylvania. And it was that moment that I knew he wasn't going anywhere.

I'm posting that here so that I remember.

Happy New Year! I am very excited about what this year will bring. I wasn't sure about a December wedding when Josh first started to push it, but I'm glad we started off the year as husband and wife. Wow...can you believe that my teenage fantasy has actually come true? It's pretty remarkable.

My mother and John have moved to Pennsylvania. My mom is going to run the dance studio (I will still own it). John and I are moving my dad's business up here. He has been trying to get me to work with him on the business for awhile now, but I didn't want to move back to Florida. We talked about doing it remotely but neither of us really felt like that would work. We are keeping a small office active in Sarasota because we didn't want to lay people off but we got a few people to move to Pennsylvania, and we are not going to hire anyone else in Florida.

It's exciting but scary. I wouldn't do it if I didn't have John to help. I want the flexibility to travel in the summer with my husband who is a teacher. I also want to have kids in a few years and I will need time for them. John keeps telling me that it's my company so I can do whatever I want, but I have an obligation to the clients and the employees to not screw things up. That is why I am keeping John in position has President and CEO. I think he wants to transition it to me at some point so he can retire, but that is still aways off.

Right now I'm just happy to have all of the blessings that I have. I think 2017 is going to be a great year!

Sincerely,
Nicole Anderson
(I love typing that!)

I'm getting married in the morning, ding dong the bells are gonna chime!

Less than a week until my wedding! I had expected that we'd have a spring wedding but Josh wanted a Christmas wedding, and I couldn't say no when I thought about how magic this time of year has been for us.

We also bought a house in October. It's our dream house. We have a large private backyard and a lot of space. It was hard to leave my apartment at the dance studio, but this is much better. I have a dream house and my dream guy.

Josh and I went with his family to New York City this past weekend to celebrate our engagement. His parents and sister were staying with his aunt, but Josh and I got a hotel room. We pulled up to the hotel and Mrs. Anderson said, "we've stayed here before." That's when I realized it was the hotel that we stayed at my junior year for our high school choir trip.

It was pretty funny. I kept thinking about my younger self, and how all I wanted back then was a few minutes with Josh and now I'm going to get a lifetime. It's pretty crazy to think that the last time I was there, I was a high school girl with an enormous crush on a boy, and now I'm a grown woman celebrating her engagement to that same boy.

I was telling him how badly I wanted to see him, and how glad I was that he had stopped by that day to see his mother. He laughed at me and said, "I wasn't here to see my mother." I asked him what he meant and he said, "I was here to see you, silly!" I really had a hard time believing this - maybe because in my mind for the past 11 years was a story about him coming to see his mom that day. He insisted, "I love my mom, but I was here to see the hot girl that I was couldn't get out of my head. I had a one track mind with you on repeat." This made me very happy. I kind of wish I could go back and tell 2005 Nicole that he's way more into her than she knows!

It was a nice weekend. Mrs. Anderson, Lauren and I went to a spa on Saturday for a girl's day, and then we went out to a fancy dinner that night, brunch Sunday morning and then we came back to Pennsylvania.

Josh is on summer break now and he decided not to take a summer job. I'm going to work part time this summer. The only thing that is really going on at the studio in the summer is fitness classes, and the dance competition (which I am not in). It will be nice for us to have some down time together. We want to travel but we haven't figured what we are going to do yet. I really don't care. I am just glad that we are getting a fun summer together.

Last weekend we had a showcase at the dance studio and Josh and I danced to "Dear Future Husband." We did the routine that we were supposed to do in the competition last fall. It was fun. At the end of the dance, Josh gets down on one knee like he's going to propose so I wasn't surprised when he did that, but he didn't get up...instead he pulled out a ring!!!!!! He said "I thought we should make this 'Future Husband' thing official." He then went on to ask me to marry him!

I said "YES!"

I am the Future Mrs. Anderson.

I was reading very early entries in this blog and I keep thinking how 2004 Nicole's mind would be blown if she could see that Josh and I are getting married. It's crazy to think how far we've come. Josh is my fiancé!

As I get closer to Natalie's wedding, I have to admit that marriage is on the brain a lot more than usual. Especially since Josh made the comment about his dream wedding making me his wife. We haven't really talked specifically about marriage since then, but we have talked about the future. Things like, "how many kids do you want?" or "what kind of house do you want to live in?"

We were also talking about the fact that he goes out to California during the summers. I brought it up last night and he said, "If the opportunity for me to go arises, we will talk about it." I was kind of surprised and said, "You mean I get a say?" He said, "Of course you get a say." This made me very happy - much different from when we were younger and he would just tell me that he was going somewhere for x amount of time. Now I get a say. He also said, "And I'm not going unless you go with me."

I guess we can have a grown up relationship. :)

I know it's been some time since I last posted. I'm such a slacker. I got busy with life. Life is good though! Lauren has moved into my second apartment and it's been fun having her around. Things with Josh are going great. 2016 has definitely been a "sweet 16."

Molly and Tim got married on Valentine's Day in Las Vegas. Josh, Natalie, Jason and I flew out for the weekend. We had a good time and the wedding was a lot nicer than I would have expected. We weren't in a cheap little shotgun wedding type of chapel. There was no Elvis impersonators... It was classy, but still not what I would have expected from Molly.

Later that evening Josh and I were walking around the city and we stopped outside of the Bellagio to look at the fountains. I was telling him that the wedding was nice but it wasn't really my style. He asked what my dream wedding was and I told him a few things I wanted. Then I said, "do you have a dream wedding?" I was half joking because I don't really think that guys think all that much about their weddings. He smiled and said, "My dream wedding is the one that gets me married to you."

My heart practically flew out of my chest. I asked him if that was a proposal. He said, "No, but maybe it's something we should talk about." I said, "Maybe it is."

Josh went back to work on Monday after a long holiday break. The holiday week was amazing. We got to spend a lot of time together and I loved every minute of it. He got sick on Monday so we haven’t seen much of each other this week. Last night was the first time we got to hang out.

We were having dinner when he mentioned that last year he was working with a realtor to find a house. He put it on hold but she is trying to get him to consider house shopping again. He’s not sure whether to wait a while or to move forward. He also mentioned the lease is up on his apartment in April and he needs to decide whether to sign for another year. I got the feeling he was trying to gauge where I’m at with our relationship.

I am totally 100% all in, but I’ve always thought that living together before marriage isn’t a good idea. It’s not because I’m a prude or anything like that, but to merge finances with someone without the legal protection of marriage seems like it would be a mess if things went south.

Josh knows how I feel, but I still suspect that he was testing the waters. Part of me was tempted to say “if you like it, then you better put a ring on it,” but we’ve only been back together for two months. Is that enough time to be together before talking about marriage?

Speaking of marriage, Molly and Tim are finally tying the knot. They have been engaged for a few years, and for one reason or another, they keep postponing. She sent out an invite for a Valentine’s Day wedding in Las Vegas. I’m a little surprised because a Vegas wedding is not what I ever would have expected from Molly, but it’s happening. Josh and I are going to book our flight and hotel this weekend.

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a promise for an awesome 12 months together in 2016. Best present over.

This was the first year I had gone to the Anderson’s Christmas Eve Party since 2011. They didn’t have them for a couple of years and then last year I had other things going on.

It was so nice to be back, and I wasn’t there as just another guest this year. I was Josh’s date. This is actually the first time I’ve gone as his date, where he picked me up and took me and then brought me home. It was nice. I didn’t have to feel like I was waiting around until he had time to give me some attention.

I forgot how much I loved those parties. It made me feel all Christmasy and happy. They always have amazing food, and I love singing Christmas carols, and Josh and I spent time under the mistletoe - out of respect for tradition of course.

I had a naughty-or-nice detector app on my phone. You “scan” people and it tells you if they have been naughty or nice. We were joking around with it because you can rig it to have the outcome of your choice and Josh got a kick out of making everyone naughty - except for me, of course, I was nice. I suggested that we should scan him. He pulled me real close to him and responded with, “What do you want me to be? Naughty or nice? Or maybe both?” He winked at me and gave me the double eyebrow lift. I asked what he was proposing. He said, “I’m proposing that we put an end to this taking-things-slow stuff.”

And so Christmas started off very nice… ;)

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ten romantic dances. He created a playlist of songs that have a romantic memories for us. We went down in the dance studio, turned on the mirror ball and colored lights and danced to all ten songs. It was our 2013 do-over, which was a much better Christmas than 2012. We celebrated it by having the mistletoe kiss that he had wanted.

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, we had a 2014 do-over and celebrated with 11 snow day activities (the kind you do indoors since there was no real snow outside). That was the year he kept showing up to help me out on snow days, and we had so much fun together. I had finally gotten up the nerve to talk to him about us getting back together but the snow never came again, and that dynamic slipped away once more.

I had devised a plan to lure him into my bedroom, but there was no more snow. I confessed this to him, and he seemed both disappointed to have missed out on it, and completely intrigued. He kept pressing me for details of my plan but I was too embarrassed to tell him. In all honesty, as I look back on it, my plan to seduce him was pretty pathetic and the Universe probably did me a favor by not dropping more snow on us!

I changed the subject by thanking him for the Christmas do-overs, but told him it wasn’t necessary. We went through what we went through to get back here. Truth be told, 2006 was my worst Christmas ever. 2010-2014 weren’t that bad. He agreed that 2006 was not a good Christmas for him either. He asked if we should do that one over. I told him I’d rather just leave it in the past and be grateful for Christmas 2015.

On the sixth day of Christmas, half a dozen roses were delivered to me at the dance studio with a note that said, “Six roses for my true love on the sixth day of Christmas. Let’s plan to meet at 6:00 for a quick dinner before the party tonight. Love, Josh.”

The party was Angelo’s holiday party. He and Mona are married now (not sure if I ever mentioned that). They have a spectacular house and the party was hosted there. They have it there every year. I’ve been invited every year but kind of avoided it because of Josh. I actually went two years ago with Josh (as friends) but other than that I’ve declined. It was nice to finally get there with Josh as more than friends.

We were slow dancing at one point and he confessed that he had seriously thought about trying to get me under the mistletoe two years ago. I said, “maybe we should get under it now.” He smiled at me, took my hand and walked me over to the mistletoe and gave me a sweet kiss.

The seventh day of Christmas was different from the other days so far. Josh came over after lunch and announced that for the seventh day of Christmas, we were going to celebrate the Christmas we didn’t have in 2010. He handed me seven letters and said, that they were seven letters that he wrote that year but never sent. He told me after I never responded to any of his letters, he stopped sending them. He wrote them because he felt like he needed to write some stuff out. He wasn’t sure why he kept them until recently, when he decided he was going to give them to me.

Reading them was tough. I was finally able to see what he went through - thinking that I was ignoring him, and trying to let go of me. My heart broke reading them, but it also healed as I learned what was really going on. He said he wanted a 2010 do over, so we went out and pretended it was 2010 (he created a playlist of songs popular in 2010) and we had dinner and walked through town.

The eighth day of Christmas was the day we planned to go to NYC for the day. We took the train up and had a long and exhausting day. When we got home, he gave me a list. He said we were redoing Christmas 2011. That was the year that he had his appendix out and I confessed to him about the pictures in my head of our future together. I thought he was unconscious for my little confession, but I recently found out he had heard all of it.

His list was the 8 pictures in his head of our future: me in a white dress and him in a tuxedo, us standing in front of a house, an ultrasound picture, a second ultrasound picture, us and the kids at Disney World, just the two of us in Paris, the kids’ weddings, and the birth of grandchildren. He said, “you’re by my side in everyone.”

The Ninth Day of Christmas was the day we had a 2012 redo. It was the year that Josh’s dad

got sick. We weren’t together but he leaned on me quite a bit for several weeks that year. I actually thought we might get back together at one point but he was so focused on his family that it didn’t happen. He actually moved home with his parents for the second half of that year.

Christmas in 2012 was kind of depressing. It just had a sad feeling about it. My life was okay, but it was hard to watch the Andersons going through such a difficult time. Things were so uncertain for them, and I had lost a parent so I knew how scared Josh and Lauren were feeling. Now, you’ve probably figured out that Mr. Anderson is okay, but at the time we didn’t know what was going to happen.

There was no big Christmas Eve party at the Anderson’s house that year. There wasn’t much celebration at all. It was a tough year.

I could understand why Josh would want a do-over on 2012, but he didn’t want the sadness of that year to cloud our fun now so we watched “Christmas Vacation” for some laughter, and he gave me a note with the nine reasons I’m “his person.”

The fourth day of Christmas was also the night of the Holiday Concert that Josh’s students do each year so I knew there would be no prolonged romantic moments between us, but I did get an order of 4 large chocolate covered strawberries sent to me at the dance studio.

That night I went to the concert. It was the first time I’ve ever seen Josh’s students perform. It was really cool to watch. It doesn’t feel like all that long ago that we were on the high school stage performing, and now he’s the teacher. It kind of makes me feel old!

They had a small reception after the concert. I was talking with his parents when a few of the girls from his class ran over to me. I recognized them from the audience of the dance competition. They were going on and on about how they loved how I danced with “Mr. Anderson,” and they were so sad when I sprained my ankle. One of them asked if I was dating him. Josh walked up right then and cut them off with, “Ladies, I see you’ve met Ms. Bradford.” One of the girls smiled and said, “We love her! We think you should love her and dance with her again!” Josh just smiled at them and said, “I’ll take that under advisement.”

It was kind of nice to have some audience members that were female that seem to adore me and not just Josh. ;)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a delicious 5 course meal. I didn’t know what to expect last night. He sent me a text around lunch time and told me to be at his apartment around 7:00 and to come hungry. I got there at 7:00 sharp and found him in the kitchen preparing a 5 course meal for us! He had also decorated his apartment with little white Christmas lights and had candles lit. It was so pretty and romantic.

We had an appetizer, soup, salad, a chicken dish and dessert - all of it prepared by him, with the exception of the dessert, which he confessed to ordering at the local bakery.

I am just so touched by the amount of thought, time and effort that he’s put into this for me. I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel so special before.

I asked him why he was doing all of this. He said, “We promised we’d always be together at Christmas and I broke that promise. I want to make up for the five years that we missed.” I told him he didn’t need to make up for anything and that our five years apart were just as much my doing as his. He said, “I know, but I am making it up for myself as much as I am making it up for you. I really wish we had had those years.” I agreed and told him that I wish had had them too, but I also realize that we needed those years apart to grow up and experience life separately so that we could come together now. I really think that things had to happen in their own time. There have been times over the past five years where I thought maybe we’d be together again, but things never felt right - not like the do now. They feel right now.

I told him that I appreciate all of the gestures, but more than the things themselves, I am grateful for how he’s made me feel. It’s pretty amazing when the person that is so special to you, makes you feel like you are special to them. That is the best Christmas present I could ever have. The gestures themselves are nice, but that feeling is priceless.

The second day of Christmas was equally awesome, even though it was technically the third day. We went for a ride on a two horse drawn carriage. It was so romantic. Josh brought a blanket for us to cuddle under and a thermos filled with hot chocolate.

I’ve been hooked on the Hallmark Christmas movies and I’m starting to feel like I’m living one right now. Since our talk on Saturday, things have been so much better. He’s kissing me again, putting his arms around me and holding my hand. I feel like we’re really together again.

We ended up swapping the 2nd and 3rd days of Christmas. Apparently, the rain put a damper (ha ha, see what I did there?) on the 2nd day of Christmas activity so we are rescheduling that for tonight. Last night we celebrated the 3rd day of Christmas.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 3 hours of doing whatever I wanted. I used them to make him watch a Hallmark Christmas movie with me. We watched the one that came on this past weekend, “On The Twelfth Day of Christmas.” I think Josh actually liked it. He seemed pretty engrossed in it and it was fitting since he’s giving me 12 Days of Christmas.

The movie wasn’t three hours so I wanted to use the rest of my time to start a second movie. I found one on demand, but it wasn’t quite as good. After about twenty minutes in, Josh looked at me and said, “you so want to make out with me right now.” I laughed, “I think you’re bored and you want to make out with me so you’re pretending that I want to make out with you so that you can get the conversation started.” He just shrugged and said, “I was only trying to help you out…” Yeah right! But he kissed me anyway and we did end up kissing through the rest of the movie.

When it was time for him to leave he said, “I enjoyed my evening, but being close to you makes it harder to leave. And to stick with this taking-it-slow thing.” I agreed but told him I would prefer this type of frustration over not getting to be close to him at all.

I had an awesome afternoon yesterday. Josh’s surprise is that he’s doing the 12 Days of Christmas for me! Technically they are supposed to be the 12 days after Christmas but he wanted to lead up to Christmas.

He didn’t get me a partridge in a pear tree, in case you’re wondering. ;)

For the first day of Christmas we had a 1 hour couple’s massage. It was amazing. It was so relaxing, and the best part was that we did it together. I’m not sure if it was our conversation on Saturday or the fact that he was so relaxed, but I was able to convince him to come back to the apartment with me to watch a movie. We cuddled up on the couch together. There was actual physical contact. It was wonderful.

We ordered a pizza and then I told him that I wanted to bake cookies. He accused me of giving him a face to convince him to help. I told him I had no idea what he was talking about and asked what face I was giving him. He said, “It’s the same face that got me to drive you across the state of Pennsylvania in February to watch a rodent look for his shadow at five o’clock in the morning.” I smiled at him, “Sounds like a pretty persuasive face.” Then I grabbed his hand and dragged him into the kitchen to make gingerbread cookies.

I was getting the cookies into the oven when the pizza arrived so we had dinner and then I got him to stick around for another movie. I tried to use my persuasive face to get him to watch a Hallmark Christmas movie with me, but he wasn’t giving in so we watched Elf.

I’m excited to see what we’re going to do for the second day of Christmas. He told me to be ready to go out by 5:00. I can’t wait!

I went over to Aunt Lu’s house yesterday to help Josh put up the Christmas lights. Of course Aunt Lu pulled me into the house to help her bake cookies so I wasn’t much help to Josh. She started asking how things were going with him, and I told her that I didn’t know and that I found his actions confusing. I mean, one minute we’re dancing and flirting, and the next minute, he’s giving me a peck on the lips like I’m someone he doesn’t want to be kissing at all! I actually started to get a little emotional and I found myself crying and saying, “I love him so much and I really, really want this to work out.” She gave me a hug and encouraged me to go back outside with him. I made two cups of hot chocolate and went out and sat down on the front porch.

He said he was almost ready for a break and that he’d be down from the roof in a couple minutes. While I was sitting there waiting, I broached the subject of Lauren coming to live with me. I was saying something like, “At some point I think, I mean, I guess you’ll be staying over and I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about Lauren being in the next bedroom.”

He came climbing down the ladder then and said, “I’m really sorry, Nicole.” I immediately freaked out. I jumped up from where I was sitting and said, “Oh my God. You’re breaking up with me.” I started pacing on the porch and he rushed over to me and said, “No! I’m not breaking up with you. I’m not - I’m apologizing to you.” I looked at him and he continued to tell me that he heard my conversation with Aunt Lu. The back window was open and he had heard everything I said.

He told me that we had agreed to take things slowly, so he was trying to honor that. I told him that I can appreciate slow, but I felt like he put the brakes on things. He agreed and said, “I want this to work so badly that I was trying to do everything right, and I ended up doing everything wrong.” I told him that our private dance party the night before wasn’t wrong at all, but I wished he hadn’t run off as soon as it was over. He pulled me into his arms and said, “I’m sorry about that.” He kissed me then - for real.

Then he pulled away and said, “were you asking me if my sister could move in with you?” I smiled at him and he said, “When I imagine myself staying over at your place, I don’t imagine my sister being there.” I smiled at him again and said, “You imagine yourself staying over at my place?” He said, “of course!” I asked him how often he imagines it and he laughed and said, “It might be easier to list the times I’m not thinking about it.”

We ended up deciding that Lauren shouldn’t move into my apartment, but I am still considering letting her have the second apartment.

So Josh is going to be here in a hour with a surprise for me. I have no idea what he’s up to, but he called this morning and told me to be ready by 2:30 to head out for a surprise. I can’t wait to see what it is!

Things have still be a little weird with Josh, he’s been holding back somehow, but last night we had a good time. I was hosting a dance lesson and party at the dance studio. Josh had a holiday party to go to for work so he came by the studio a little late.

I didn’t see him come in and was on the opposite side of the room when “Hungry Eyes” started to play. I glanced at the DJ because the song wasn’t on my list and saw Josh standing there. He gave me a smile and motioned for me to come to him. I gave him a look and he motioned again. I shook my head and smiled. He walked over to me and held out his hand and I teased him by looking away. He pretended to dance by himself and I just started laughing, and then joined him on the dance floor to Rhumba to the song. He kept trying to break frame and put his hands on my waist, and I kept scolding him and trying to get him back on track until I finally gave up and let him pull me in. He pulled me real close, flashed a smile at me and said, “hi.” He is so adorable. I couldn’t help but grin as I said “hi” back.

After the party ended, Josh stuck around to help me clean up, but we ended up dancing for another two hours! We flirted with each other as we danced to Usher’s “Yeah!” (still love that song), I sang to him while we danced a Rhumba to “Hello Stranger” (a song I once sang to him), and he sang to me while we slow danced to “I Only Have Eyes For You” (a song he once sang to me). It was flirty and fun and just what we needed. And when he kissed me, he really kissed me. He didn’t seem like he was holding back at all while we were on the dance floor.

But then we started to get tired. I really didn’t want him to leave, but he promised Aunt Lu that he’d put Christmas light up on her house this morning and so he wanted to get home to bed. He walked me up to my apartment and kissed me goodnight, and suddenly he was reserved again. I just don’t understand it. I want fun, flirty, doesn’t hold back Josh. I don’t understand why he is keeping me at arm’s length.  

Tonight is the night that Josh and I finally get to perform our routine to “Dear Future Husband.” I’m really disappointed that we didn’t get to do it as part of the competition, but at least we get to dance together on stage again.

Things have been a little weird. I feel like he’s keeping me at arm’s length - literally at arm’s length. We see each other a lot and we go out and have fun and laugh, but when it comes to being physically close he holds back. It makes me nervous about where he stands and that maybe he doesn’t feel as strongly for me as I thought he did...but the way he looked at me the night before Thanksgiving and the way he kissed me were so intense and I could feel his feelings for me. I just don’t understand why he is holding back so much. I feel like he touched me more before we started dating again. It’s frustrating. After so much time apart, all I want is to be close to him. I’m trying not to panic or jump to conclusions the way I would have when we were younger. I am trying to be mature about this and see how things play out.

Lauren got a new job and asked if she could rent out my second bedroom. I’m on the fence about it. I haven’t had a roommate since Lindsay moved out a few years ago. Part of me thinks it would be nice to have the company, but she’s Josh’s sister. Would it be too weird for him if he sleeps over and she’s in the next room? Of course, him sleeping over would have to mean he wants to be near me!

I do have a second apartment that’s been empty. I’ve mostly been using it as a space for my instructors to shower and change after their classes. I could offer that to her. It would be nice to have some extra income and it would be nice to not be alone in that building at night. Hmm...this could work!