I'm back in Pennsylvania. I wanted to be back here so badly, but without Josh here, it doesn't seem the same. His classes don't start until next week, but I know he's in New York. He was planning to go up a week early.

I know he wants to be up there, but part of me still hopes that he couldn't find housing and he'll have to commute from here. I can't help but wish with every beat of my heart that he'll still be here.

I'm so confused. Part of me wishes that I had told him how I feel when I had the chance to say it. The other part of me knows it would have done no good. I mean, he's in college now and I'm just some girl next door from Florida that he really doesn't have any history with and who is still in high school. It's not like he's going to drop everything to try to have a relationship with me.

I wonder if I'll start to get over him now that he's gone. I wonder if I'll meet other guys who will make me forget about him. I need to forget about him. I know that. I just don't want to. I don't want to not feel this way about someone - even if he doesn't feel it too.

Well, I need to get ready for work. It's back to the snack bar until the end of the summer.