Oh God! I made a huge mistake!

It went like this:

Lindsay and I arrived at the bachelor auction. Lindsay wasn't really very happy with me because she has no interest in any guy right now. We got there and I found Molly and asked her if she needed any help. She said she had everything under control, so Lindsay and I went out in front of the stage and stood with the crowd.

The auction started and the guys were going for $50-$75 dollars. One guy went for $100. Well, then Josh came out...and I guess you know where I'm going with this.

The first bid was for $20 from Wendy (yick!).

The second bid was for $25 from this other girl who is a member of the swim club and I see her eyeing Josh all the time.

The third bid was from another random girl for $30.

Well, Wendy and the second bidder get into a bidding war over Josh. (The third girl dropped out of the bidding early on.)

The price on Josh was up to $150! Wendy was winning.

I was getting nervous. I didn't really want either of the girls to win him, but I especially didn't want Wendy to win.

Molly was like, "Josh, you're the most expensive bachelor so far today! Do I hear $155?" She looked at the girl who shook her head, so Molly was like, "Anyone $155?"

No one answered. I must have been squirming because Lindsay leaned over to me and said, "Don't even think about it!"

So Molly started to say that Wendy had won Josh when I suddenly I felt like my body had been taken over and I had no control of myself because my hand shot up and I yelled out, "$155!"

I looked at Josh and he looked shocked. Wendy looked shocked. Molly looked shocked. Lindsay grabbed my arm and started hissing at me that I couldn't afford this.

Well, Wendy wasn't about to lose. She and I kept bidding, and the price was going up and up, but I couldn't stop myself! I couldn't let Josh get stuck with that...THING! But as the price went up I saw that Wendy was getting nervous and I had the feeling she was just trying to jack up the price so that I would have to pay a lot. I ended up winning. $205 for a date with Josh.

Lindsay looked beside herself. She kept telling me that I couldn't afford this, and she's right. That $205 was for Florida. Now I'm going to have to call my mom and beg for her to buy my plane ticket!

It gets worse though because when I looked at Josh he didn't look too happy. After the auction I was trying to hightail it out of there before I had to explain myself to him, but he ran over to me and pulled me aside and told me to rescind my bid. I was crushed.

I asked him why he didn't want to be my date. He said, "You've been working all summer for money to fly home to Florida. Why should you spend $205 to go out with me? If you had just told me, I would have skipped the auction, bought two tickets to the cruise and we could have gone together at no cost to you!" The cruise tickets are $35 and are offered to people who wanted to go but didn't want to be part of the auction.

I told him that if I rescinded the bid, it would go to Wendy. I also told him that I didn't feel right about rescinding the bid since the profits of the event go towards a scholarship for the summer camp.

He said he was flattered, but didn't understand why I did what I did. I told him that I don't like Wendy and I didn't want him to get stuck with her, and I told him that I really wanted to go to New York - which wasn't entirely false, but it wasn't my real motivation, and I think he knew that.

We ended the conversation on a good note, but I feel like such a fool. He probably thinks I'm nuts! And he probably knows that I want him. I mean, the second most expensive bachelor (Josh was the most expensive) went for $105. That's a huge difference.

I'm such a dork.