I decided not to blow off rehearsals. The competition is a week from Saturday. It would have been completely foolish for me to run off to Vermont this weekend.

So I'm here in New Jersey and Josh is on his way to Vermont. We haven't spoken since the other day, and I feel horrible about it. But I thought about it and I've realized that I have spent too much time thinking about him, going out of my way to see him, going out of my way to be everything he wants, and now it's time to go out of my way for me. I want to dance. I want to develop my talent. I want to compete and this is where I start. I can't give up now. I'd be letting Jordan down and I'd be letting myself down. And I know Josh doesn't want the type of girl who would give up her own dreams for someone else.

I talked to Jordan last night. He reminded me how much work goes in to dance competitions, and how if I want it I have to be willing to work for it. It was a half hour pep talk and it reminded me that I can't just be running around having fun all of the time. If I want to dance I have to work, and I have to work hard. So that's what I'm going to do. Tonight we're going to rehearse. Tomorrow we're going to rehearse. Sunday we're going to rehearse. And when next Saturday comes I will know that I put everything I have into this.