The weekend and the dance competition were amazing. We didn't win or anything. We didn't even place in the top 25% but it was so cool to do something that I've always wanted to do.

Unfortunately the fun and euphoria of the weekend came to an end as reality has come crashing down on me. First of all, Josh and I still aren't talking. I don't want it this way. I love him. I don't want to lose him. I wanted so badly to call him Saturday night and tell him all about the competition but how could I? I told him not to come. I told him that I didn't want him there. I don't know how I'm going to get things back on track. Things just feel so broken now.

And then I get a call from my mom this morning. She and my father are flying up to New York on Friday so that my dad can meet with some business associate. They invited Josh and I to join them for some shmoozing dinner on Saturday. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that Josh and I aren't even talking. And this place that we're going to is like evening gown attire type of place. I would love to go. I'd love to go with Josh but I'm too scared to talk to him.

What if he hangs up on me? What if he breaks up with me? What if we're already broken up and I just don't know it? What if things end like Logan and Rory on the "Gilmore Girls" where Rory gets a phone call from his sister and finds out from her that Logan has broken up with her? What if Lauren calls me? I'm just not going to pick up the phone if Lauren calls.

Okay, I need to breathe and come up with a plan: a plan to win back Josh. I cannot let Laura win. I can't let him go without a fight. I love him and he's one of the most important people in my life. If there's a chance I will take it. I have to take it. I just need to figure out how.