I'm not feeling so great this morning. I'm just really frustrated about the way things are going with Josh. I don't want it to be like this. I miss him. I miss us - but things aren't the same. I was so hopeful that things would get back on track after last weekend but then we were quickly derailed again.

I'm thinking of blowing off rehearsals to go to Vermont. I'm so torn. Where do I invest? Do I put my time into my dancing? Or do I put my time in with the person that means the world to me?

I don't want to lose him. He's my best friend. He's the person I see myself with. I know it sounds crazy since I'm only 18, but when I picture my future I see him in it. I can't imagine him not in it. We're obviously not quite to the point in our lives where we're going to get settled down, but when I think to the future he's the person I see standing next to me. I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose him, and I feel us slipping away.