Lindsay called last night to see how I was feeling. At first I thought it was about my ankle but I think she really wanted to see how I was doing emotionally. It amazes me... her capacity to be sympathetic towards me when she's lost so much. I mean, her boyfriend died. Mine just dumped me. At least he's alive.

I know she hasn't completely moved on but she's made a lot of progress and the fact that she can be there for me while I cry over Josh shows me how amazing she is. She said that it took her a long time and that after awhile people kept asking her why she didn't just get over it. She said she learned that you don't necessarily get over every loss...you just get through it and when you come out on the other end it doesn't hurt quite so bad. She told me that I have to grieve for what I lost. She said she used to wish for numbness so that she wouldn't feel it, but then she realized that feeling it was the only way she could get through it. She also said that the same people who told her to "get over it" also expected her to grieve on their time line. She told me to ignore them and be sad as long as I need to, but to make sure I deal with it and not just push it away and pretend it's not there.

I guess lossing someone like that makes you wiser. Lindsay definitely seems wiser. My heart still breaks for her when I think of what it must have been like to lose your first love so tragically, so suddenly and so unexpectedly. I guess I should learn from her experience and take the time to grieve so that I can move on. It just seems so unlikely. Moving on just seems so unreal and so far away. I can't imagine feeling better right now. I can't imagine not loving Josh.