I'm heading down to the keys tomorrow with my mom so I thought I would check in now since I won't be near a computer for the next few days. I have been spending most of my time hanging out with Natalie and Arie. On Thursday we went to the Magic Kingdom for the day. They decided I needed to spend some time at the "happiest place on earth." It did take my mind off of Josh for a few hours, but like I've said before, I'm okay during the day. It's when I get home at night and crawl into bed that I start thinking of him.

Today has been really hard. Three years ago at this time I was moving in to my bedroom in Pennsylvania. My mom and I had spent New Years Eve at a motel off of 95 in North Carolina. I remember watching the ball drop on 2004 and dreading what the new year would bring...a new place, new people, a whole new world that I wanted no part of. When I got to Pennsylvania, Aunt Lu told me that there was a really nice boy next door that I had to meet. I remember rolling my eyes and longing for the Florida sun. But New Years night as I was settling in, I looked out my window and saw Josh in his room next door. He caught me watching him (and has teased me non-stop about it since then) and he smiled and waved, and even though it took another 4 months before we really had any real conversation, I didn't feel so alone. And now I'm back to being alone again.

Last night sucked. I was forced into a New Years Eve party with my father's snobby friends out on Long Boat Key. I was grumpy the whole way there. I wanted to stay home alone and had declined invites from friends, but my parents insisted I join them. Just how I love starting off the year...watching my father schmooze and drink with a bunch of stuffy, fake, rich jerks...

At midnight I found myself standing outside looking up at the stars in the sky and wishing I were with Josh, because with him I'm safe.

Molly and I talked for a long time this afternoon. She called to update me on Kelly's New Years Eve party, and what she told me gave me some hope... She said Josh came alone (no Laura) and that he seemed okay most of the night but at midnight he disappeared. She said he was outside by himself looking up at the sky! So it turns out that in a cosmic sort of way, Josh and I did spent New Years Eve together. We were both standing outside alone looking up at the sky.